Emotional infidelity, should we forgive?

On the second day of Valentine’s Day, let’s talk about the problem of spouse cheating – this is not a curse, it is precisely because we cherish marriage and face up to human nature that we will calmly talk about, face up to and solve this problem.

On the issue of how to deal with cheating spouses, Huang Han once said in the TV program ” If You Are the One” that some viewpoints are worth learning. First of all, Mr. Huang believes that cheating is not a mistake that only men can make. It is a weakness of human nature. There is no distinction between men and women. Anyone can make mistakes in front of some special temptations. – this understanding is very important, so don’t overestimate yourself. if you want to avoid this mistake, remind yourself to stay away from temptation.

If infidelity has already taken place, for the spouse of the infidelity, the first thing to do is to maintain a calm and rational mental state, and then let both parties communicate as effectively as possible. At the same time, measure the degree to which the third party has entered and the attitude of the cheating party towards the original marriage relationship. If you think it is difficult to turn back, the betrayed party can choose to protect their own interests as much as possible and then break up peacefully. If the cheating party is only temporarily confused, the betrayed party should measure the current significance of the original relationship to itself and try to repair it if it is important and worthwhile.

Compared with many emotional bloggers, Mr. Huang’s suggestion is more reasonable. They often tell the readers categorically in their articles: when they meet such a husband ( occasionally, there are wives, but rarely ), are they still not divided and will they keep the Chinese New Year? – We should be vigilant against people who know a little about other people’s lives and dare to help others make such big decisions. Everyone’s life experience is different, the choice of life must first follow his own heart, not the standards of others.

How to deal with infidelity in marriage not only tests the morality of the infidelity but also challenges the life wisdom of the spouse. I hope the articles we recommend are helpful to everyone.

Recently received a letter from readers like this:

My husband came from the countryside, worked hard to read a doctor and became a university teacher. He felt very inferior and paid special attention to other people’s attitudes towards him. Last August, I found out that my husband and his students had abnormal relations. He said he liked each other first, but he didn’t want to leave me and leave home. I asked him to stop this abnormal communication with the other party. He said that there was nothing between him and the girl, nor did it affect the family. It was my own fault. I’ve also made some noise several times, each time with both losses. In addition, he is good to me and his family. I don’t want to break up, just want to let him return, nervous every day, what should I do?

In the relationship between husband and wife, there is no absolute equality, either the east wind prevails over the west wind or the west wind prevails over the east wind, and there will always be more or less inclination.

Some women are unruly and willful in front of their husbands. After getting used to it, they think it is their own way to hold their husbands hostage. But in fact, if it weren’t for his willing to let her, more care about her, she will have unruly willful opportunities. Once his feelings dissipate, his heart will harden immediately, and when he is determined not to give her special attention, she will never have the upper hand.

In Zhao Benshan’s early sketches, there was a saying to explain men’s fear of wives, ” fear is love, love is fear”. This is very accurate, as long as a man is not a complete loser, he is obedient and docile, sad to see you unhappy, you lose your temper, he doesn’t care – this is all love. On the other hand, if a man doesn’t care about your feelings at all, and you are angry, sad and furious, you can’t change him a little, then it means he doesn’t love you at all, or has a little love, but the weight is not enough.

We also have to admit that marriage includes various factors, not only the love between men and women, but also the status, status, social background, economic ability, etc. All kinds of realistic conditions eventually converge into the strength of men or women in each other’s mind. Those who are weaker in marriage and those who do not get enough attention are not only weak in feelings but also weak in comprehensive conditions. In your marriage, this is exactly the case. Judging from the conditions, he is a typical phoenix man, the pillar of the family economy, occupying the active position of marriage. From the emotional point of view, you are more afraid of losing him, he holds the emotional and spiritual constraints. Your ability to check and balance him is limited, which is why he rightfully demands to continue his ambiguous relationship after emotional infidelity. Your powerlessness does not come from the ineffectiveness of the means, but from a natural drop in momentum.

Dealing with the emotional crisis in marriage is a game between men and women. If you lose momentum, you will lose everything. Those who fall behind, whether it is posturing tolerance or unbearable resistance, are hardly effective because your heart is timid first. Even if he is afraid of losing this marriage, you are even more afraid.

Your husband naturally does not want to lose anything, and students enjoy the pleasure of love. And what you enjoy is the warmth of your family. From this point of view, he said he was very happy with you and didn’t cheat you. But it also means that he wants everything, and all his explanations and excuses are serving him.

If you give in this time, you will lose the initiative of marriage completely. You said he was very kind to you, but all those good things came from your principle of betraying your marriage. If you let him lose his ambiguous relationship and he is still kind to you, that is really good.

If it were me, I would let him make a complete choice, whether it was me or an ambiguous relationship. I will bet on whether his feelings for me can overcome selfish desires. If he wins the bet, it proves that he has reconsidered my position in his mind, and then his return is complete. If I lose the bet, it proves that I am not as important to him as I think. What is the use of such untenable feelings?

When one is not facing loss, it is difficult to calmly weigh the value of what one has. This is the drawback of human nature. Therefore, when a man is given a choice, it is not necessarily entirely emotional or human.

To get all your husband’s feelings, you have to start by improving your strength in marriage. If you can’t make him love you more emotionally, you can at least equal him in strength. Otherwise, it would be insane to ask him to take your feelings into consideration and be loyal to your feelings.