Twenty-year-old loneliness and wandering

I can always feel a feeling in meditation, that feeling is loneliness.

Sometimes I think, if everybody ends a tired day, if someone can send a greeting from the end of the phone screen, how nice! However, the fact is that the moment when I get home to open the door every day, it is an empty room, the night is low, the person who does not leave the light, the person who turns on the light is myself.

For young people in their twenties, a lonely life is the norm.

The first thing many international students do after they go abroad is to find an object to fall in love with. From a certain perspective, they are also looking for a source of security.

In the first three months before I arrived in Ireland, I lived an extremely uncomfortable life. I didn’t like the extremely long days and the short nights. I didn’t like the weather and the kinds of things. But after three months, I realized that I could deal with the rainy weather skillfully, and I realized that I gradually adapted to it.

Therefore, to adapt to loneliness, learning to get along with loneliness also requires a process.

I bought a round-trip ticket to Turkey by myself and started the first trip in my life alone.

The other side of loneliness is freedom. Perhaps it was because of this trip that I realized the kind of freedom that I was allowed to release, and it was the beginning of my beginning to learn to enjoy loneliness.

From adapting to loneliness to enjoying loneliness, this journey has taught me a lot. There I met many local friends who took me to eat the most authentic Turkish barbecue and drink Turkish coffee. I also met a very cute puppy whose name is Sasha.

So what is loneliness? It’s eating alone, watching movies alone, going to see a doctor… when you’ve gone through these, you will find that this is actually nothing, when you really take the first step, one is immersed in food, holding Movie tickets are attracted to the plot on the screen. When you concentrate on listening to the doctor to help you diagnose the condition, you will find that you can live well even if you are alone and enjoy every moment.

I still envy those pictures that are accompanied by others, but I will no longer have a strong desire to find someone. I just keep some hope in my head. When I actually meet this person, I can meet each other without being impatient or unhurried.

In the middle of the night, when I eat fried chicken alone, I am the lonely, but compared to loneliness, the fried chicken in my mouth still makes me happy.

We in our twenties actually have similar troubles. Fear of loneliness, it is difficult to enjoy loneliness, want to reconcile with loneliness, but gloomy. I have met a lot of people, and I have loved someone. Love is not enough, love is exhausted. In fact, these are the norms.

About this age of loneliness, helplessness, wandering, and confusion… countless troubles are woven into a magnificent dress. When we put it on, we are shuttled among our youth. In fact, sometimes, there is no need to fear these troubles. Believe that the problems you are encountering now are nothing but the problems that everyone encounters at similar intersections.

I think this is also the twenties, the meaning of our efforts to go far.