I used to believe that, in order to get respect in the feelings, the best way is: to find all aspects are not my people.
20 years old, I accepted such a suitor. Do not figure out, to be practical.
I think the difference is so disparity, he will cherish me.
How is the result?
Not long after, he hooked on the outside of the professional girls. And, as far as I found the day before, he also took my pictures to show off to others: my girlfriend had a look, character is also super good.
It turned out that I was just a medal, and he was used to prove that he was not Loser. respect? think too much.
From which moment did you lose his respect?
Friends Vivian insisted that true love must be a perfect match, evenly matched. High climb or marry, will not have good results.
do as promised.
Married and her husband to start a business together, improperly sit back and enjoy the boss, but propped up half of the country, with good eloquence and popularity, almost every month can talk about millions of dollars in the list.
Girlfriend boasted her, she always elegant modestly smile: “This way, he would not dare to underestimate me.
Who can not think of it, she will be crying in a night late, a section of all friends to delete the show love circle dynamic.
The reason is that he is going to talk about business, too busy too tired, even forget the evening video time.
Travel three times a day during the telephone two times the video is a fixed action ah.
He is an accident, or change the heart?
Is not there with Aventure, is enjoying a section of dew love?
The company’s new little assistant a fox sample, always intentionally or unintentionally squinted at him, this time should not let them travel together … …
Finally answered the phone, his response is extremely simple: “You want too much, I want to really engage in things outside, you simply can not find, you nothing to fiddle with what?
What is this? The
She did so much, do so well, do not rely on him, rely on him, if she is now gone, the company did not collapse have to hurt, how could he dare to say so?
If someone else encounters such a thing, she will resolutely persuade.
This does not know how to respect his wife’s slugs keep the New Year? Can be immersive, her first thought is not separated, lost marriage will face sweeping.
The original, her previous efforts and pay, but is humble “love” behavior.
The most exciting scene in intimate relationships is this: the ideal world in which you have built it carefully, collapsing in his despicable coldness, spending countless efforts to establish a sense of security and trust, and then into jifen.
But at this time, you also better understand the fact that a man respect for women, and the surface strength and no absolute relationship.
The so-called “strong” behind, often on the identity of the male identity, and the deterioration of the characteristics of women.
Forget you are a woman, like a man to fight;
Men and women are equal, the daughter should also be the same as the son of cultivation;
Do not waste time on beauty and wear, women want self-reliance.
These words are not very familiar, very inspirational? Found it?
Behind these positive values, hiding an anxious woman.
Perhaps born in the absence of a male role in the home, must “like a son” to bear the heavy responsibility, and gradually grow hard shell;
Perhaps stuck in the wantonly dad and bitter hatred between the mother, dilemma.
Becoming a workaholic seems to be the best choice.
In this way, neither the same lack of responsibility as Daddy, but also to avoid the mother as a bundle of feet, but also can become a mother’s desire for the “ideal man.”
On the contrary, my father is warmth, but if too close to my father, my mother will have subtle jealousy.
And dad will also intentionally or unintentionally keep the distance, and deny and suppress your female qualities – “outside the social chaos, you do not dressed too swagger, inner beauty is the real beauty.”
These stories seem to tell us: want to get the respect of men first pay the price, if not “useful” or not enough “good”, there is no value.
And the value is reflected in whether he respects you, or is it that the whole world can agree with you.
The problem is, if you have determined that your femininity is a defect, keep on to the better male qualities and send to him the “you see, I am not very strong,” the confirmation signal, looking forward to being sure that he How can you respect your heart?
After all, is that you first forget to accept and cherish the existence of a woman for their own.
However, the moon has a sunny rounded, the same with a negative energy of the woman, how could it be a fixed appearance?
Love and respect, can only choose one?
“I do not need you to respect me, I just want you to love me!”
A male friend complained that when the gentle and virtuous girlfriend hysterically shouted this sentence, his three views were subverted.
Then, girlfriend further analysis:
Respect is cold, love is temperature;
Respect is distance, love is intimate;
Respect is courteous hypocritical, love is sincere;
Respect is an excuse, love is true …
In his heart, respect is clearly the highest level of love: I give you enough trust and freedom, not free to interfere and arranged, only when you need to give you useful support and advice, so there is a problem?
“Respect”, how suddenly became a hot potato it?
Because it breaks the possibility of maternal and child intimate relationships.
Its subtext is that we are equal, we have their own space, but also the ability for their own emotions, physical and life is responsible.
The implication is that “I can not spoil like a baby like a spoil you, what you will not be a little princess.”
But for a woman who lacks a sense of security, it will bring back the fear of her subconscious: I am willing to pay any price, in exchange for intimacy and warmth.
So, please leave me a little closer, and then closer, wholeheartedly concerned about me.
As an exchange, I can try to show the best side to please you.
Maternal and child intimate relationships, such as the umbilical cord to the two people linked to each other, inseparable;
Adult-type intimate relationship, there is a limit and distance.
Any form of separation is very painful, whether it is to bid farewell to their parents, or cut off his excessive dependence.
In order to maintain this intimacy, even if there are ideas, there are dissatisfaction, but also forced to suppress repression, do not conflict.
How would you treat a person who had no bottom line to accommodate you?
Perhaps at first will be pleased to accept, but a long time, always feel tired and contemptuous.
A person with fear, cautious, in intimate relationship is difficult to give the other half of the real nourish, the other party can not even feel the real existence of Ta.
Such a humble gesture, but also reflects a belief: I am insignificant, no power.
Some people say that since knowing that fate is in their own hands, I know that my life is finished.
Yeah, if there is a forever strong and right people for our paved the life of the broad road, guarding our life innocent, that the good.
That person, preferably parent or lover.
In the case of low self-worth, “respect” to bring us is a heavy psychological pressure.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of men are only meat and bone where the tires, not as sharp as incompetent.
When they realize that the woman is a girl who is always looking for protection, in the narcissistic meet, will instinctively produce anxiety: If one day, I become fragile, need support, how to do it?
Women show fragile, often in pursuit of intimacy.
In the film and television drama, silly white sweet woman is always the stars of the arch, easy to be able to arouse the protection of the gods desire. However, in reality, men are more inclined to pursue a sense of competition, they are most likely to feel the challenge in the presence of each other.
Chess every opponent, it provoked subtle love.
So, a period of stalemate in the relationship, will be in a fierce positive confrontation Nirvana reborn.
I have been in the relationship of infinite gentle tolerance, trying to show the best of their own, but let me and he really built a tacit understanding, is in my grievances accumulated to the extreme, that few times there is no elegant outbreak.
Expressed the most real feelings, but also unexpectedly knocked on his shell.
So, I have a temper, assertive;
Original, even if I am not obedient, will also be loved;
It turned out that he had so much fragility and helplessness that he gave the greatest degree of love …
See, understand, trust, respect, and then love.
There is no respect, love is to be marked with double quotation marks.
Love lonely woman, all know this truth
“What is a kind of experience that is respected by men?” A group of girlfriends gave the answer:
He should attach great importance to me, support me to achieve the dream.
He remembers every important anniversary and makes me happy.
In his future plan, I will always be the first one.
He will be sure of my value, encourage me.
Give me money, give a lot of money.
If he did not do these rules, how would you feel?
The most common answer is: grievances, unwilling, and feel that they are very bad.
Look, no external affirmation, your self value becomes erratic.
In fact, the key is not how he behaved, but in the absence of his approval and encouragement, do you really respect yourself, and believe that they deserve to be respected?
Reconstruction of their respect, there are two ways:
1. Find the integration path, restore your own appearance
In anxious to do a good job, to win the respect of anxiety, the hidden is some of their own characteristics do not accept. such as:
I must be economically and mentally independent and dependent on shamefulness.
I must be rational and can not be emotional.
I was not the kind of flirtatious bad woman, I am very upright, not those who beat the curse of the heart.
Exile of the “negative” characteristics of each additional one, the soul will be more than a piece of debris. The more you set the life limit, the less freedom.
The intimacy of the negation and division at the expense of, even if everyone envy, you can not relax to enjoy. Otherwise, if someday accidentally exposed, how do you do?
Before considering how much he respects you, think about it: what are your most real needs and feelings? Or, if there is no limit, what kind of person do you most want to be?
Allow yourself to have any “unreasonable” needs and feelings. You can be fragile, attachment, can not be rational, they do not prevent you from gently accept yourself.
You can also try to learn from those who make you envy jealousy, but often questioned by the community (such as Xu Jinglei, Shu Qi, Deng Wendi, Not to be them, but as they get back the same power, through the inner fear and outside the blame.
Restore himself, he is no longer your projection object or judge. You do not need to cast an unacceptable character to him, and do not need to work hard to seek his approval.
Relationship of respect, first of all to see each other’s true look.
2. Amend the belief that “I do not matter”
A few years ago a domestic drama “my bad wife”, the woman resigned to go home, wholeheartedly take care of the sick mother-in-law, the cause of the male busy and three days of mine hook to fire.
After divorce, the male master understands the importance of the woman, take the initiative to request forgiveness, and ultimately reached a happy ending.
This is called the classic prodigal son back story, there are habits, there is dependence, but no respect.
“Bad bride’s wife” is the actress’s self-identity positioning.
She lived plain, humble, plain, like the home that TV, always in a fixed position, complete a fixed mission, in addition to broken time, rarely be noticed.
Dust in the flowers, can get up to love and affection.
Building respect for the smartest way is to re-find your own value. Do more to do some filling the energy, play creative things.
Leaving time, really concerned about your long-suppressed domestic needs.
Do not rush to a big reversal, from the small things to start just fine. If your favorite thing is cooking, then, do not “be a wife and mother” mentality to do, but to become the kitchen creator, enjoy the process.
At the same time, as much as possible to express their own ideas, clearly tell him directly, what is acceptable to you, what is your current restricted area. Even if the mental fear, but also say it.
At first, there may be clashes, but moderate conflicts can break the original imbalance, bring new horizons, and frankly relative opportunities.
Do not have to fall into the dust, do not have to bluff.
As long as you are willing to see yourself, see him, your love to open another pattern – a trust, there is intimacy, respect, magnanimous love.