What determines our fate?
A man walked into a beautiful park in spring and said angrily after coming out, ” This place is dirty and smelly. I will never come again!”
While another person walked into the park at the same time and sighed after coming out: ” it’s so beautiful! There are flowers everywhere, everywhere is refreshing fragrance!
Why does the same park make these two people have completely different reactions?
It turns out that the first person found a lot of dog poop in the park after entering, so in order to prove that the park was dirty, he looked everywhere for dog poop under the flowers, and all his attention was focused on dog poop, only to see the dirty of the park.
While another person walks in the park, his eyes are always looking at those beautiful plants and scenery. Although he also sees dog poop, he always bypasses it, because he knows dog poop also makes flowers more beautiful and fragrant. He fully devotes his attention to enjoying the vitality of spring and fully feels the beauty of nature and life.
This park symbolizes our world.
These two people represent two completely different thinking modes of complaint and gratitude, and also represent two different fates of failure and success.
Different thinking modes will lead to different behavior modes, thus leading to completely different lives and completely different fates.
A wise man once said: See and get.
What you see is what you get. In fact, it is not knowledge and IQ that determine fate, but the mode of thinking that determines fate.
The simplest way to change one’s thinking mode is to change one’s life without complaining.
How powerful is the power not to complain?
Once there was a book called ” A World Without Complaining”, which became popular all over the world after its publication. The author was American priest will bowen, who was also one of the greatest and most respected spiritual instructors in the United States.
When he promoted the ” 21 days no complaints campaign”, in a short span of two years, he received warm responses from 6 million people in 80 countries around the world, and the fate of countless people has changed inconceivably because of changing the habit of complaining.
An American writer accidentally took a very distinctive taxi while taking a taxi. The driver was neatly dressed and the car was very clean.
As soon as he was seated, the driver handed him a beautiful card, which said: ” In a friendly atmosphere, deliver my guests to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way.”
Seeing this sentence, the writer brightened up and thought to himself, this driver is really different. Then the driver said, ” Excuse me, would you like something to drink?”
The writer was even more surprised and asked, ” Do you still provide drinks in your car?” The driver smiled and said, ” Yes, I offer coffee and various drinks, and there are different newspapers.”
The writer became interested and asked, ” Can I have a cup of hot coffee?” The driver poured him a cup of hot coffee from the mug beside him, and then handed the writer a card. On the card are the names of various newspapers and the programs of various radio stations.
The writer felt immediately that the car was so special that he did not read the newspaper or listen to the music, but talked with the driver. On the way, the driver also kindly reminded the writer whether there was a way closer to the destination or not. The writer felt extremely warm.
So he asked the driver curiously, why do you charge the same fare as others? I take other taxis, and the drivers complain about traffic jams and income. why are you so happy and provide such comprehensive services?
The driver replied: ” In fact, at the beginning, like other people, I liked to complain about the bad weather, low income, traffic jams and terrible road conditions, and I had a very bad day.
Until one day, I overheard the opinion in the book ” A World Without Complaining” on the radio, saying: ” If you stop complaining in daily life, you can make anyone succeed.”
It suddenly dawned on me that my current bad situation was actually caused by my own complaints. So, I decided to stop complaining and start to change myself.
The first year: I just smiled at all the passengers and doubled my income.
The second year: I care about all the passengers’ joys and sorrows from the bottom of my heart and comfort them, which has doubled my income.
The third year: this year, I turned my taxi into one of the few five-star taxis in the United States. In addition to my income, my popularity has also increased. To take my car now, you need to call ahead to make an appointment. And you, in fact, are a passenger I picked up on my way. ”
Complaining is better than changing.
Complaining about fate is not as good as changing fate, complaining about life is not as good as improving life.
The American social psychologist Festinger has a famous theory:
Ten percent of life consists of what happens to you, while the other 90 percent is determined by how you react to what happens.
In other words, 10% of things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are within our control.
This is known as the ” Festinger Law”.
He gave such an example:
When Cusdin got up in the morning and washed, he casually put his high-grade watch by the washing table. His wife was afraid of getting wet by the water, so she took it and put it on the dining table. When the son got up to get bread on the table, he accidentally broke his watch on the ground.
Cusdin loved watches and gave his son a spanking. Then, he scolded his wife with a black face. His wife was unconvinced, saying that she was afraid that the water would wet her watch. Cusdin said that his watch was waterproof.
As a result, they bicker violently. In a fit of pique, Cusdin didn’t eat breakfast either and drove directly to the company. At the end of the company, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to take my briefcase and immediately turned back home.
However, there was no one in the family. His wife went to work and his son went to school. Cusdin’s key was left in his briefcase. He could not enter the door and had to call his wife to ask for the key.
When his wife hurried home in a panic, she knocked over the roadside fruit stall. The vendor held her back and asked her for compensation. She had to pay a sum of money to get rid of it.
After receiving the briefcase, Cusdin was 15 minutes late and was severely criticized by his boss. Cusdin’s mood was extremely bad. Before leaving work, I had another quarrel with my colleague over a small matter.
His wife was also deducted from the full attendance award for leaving early. My son took part in the baseball game on this day. He was expected to win the championship, but because of his bad mood and poor performance, he was eliminated in the first set.
In this case, 10% of the watches were broken, and the other 90% were in the latter series.
It was all because the parties did not control the 90% well that this day became a ” disturbing day”.
Just think, Cusdin after the 10%, if in a reaction, for example, he comforted his son:
” It doesn’t matter, son. It’s okay if my watch is broken. I’ll take it to repair it.” In this way, the son is happy, the wife is happy, and he is in a good mood. Then everything will not happen.
Obviously, you can’t control the first 10%, but you can completely determine the remaining 90% through your mentality and behavior.
Such stories have actually happened in each of our lives. Because of complaints, it led to a whole day of unhappiness and even greater losses.
In real life, I often hear people complain: why am I so unlucky? there are always some unlucky things haunting me everyday. how can I not stop and have a good mood? who can help me?
In fact, it is not others but ourselves that can help ourselves.
How should we do it?
There are only three things in the world, mine, his and god’s.
Those who complain about themselves should try to learn to accept themselves.
People who complain about others should try to turn complaints into requests.
People who complain about God, please try to pray for your wishes.
In this way, life will have unexpected changes, and life will be more beautiful and complete.
Life is an optional journey. We cannot control the environment and others, but we can always control ourselves.
Dissatisfaction, complaint and contradiction can’t solve our problems at all, on the contrary, they will make us absorb a lot of negative energy and affect our health and mood.
We might as well try to build strong thinking – that is, when facing some difficulties and setbacks in our life, we will not complain, not escape, face to face and solve them directly.
When the reality is different from your expectation, don’t complain in a hurry, but ask why with curiosity. Then change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed. If we persist in this way for a long time, we will not often have difficulties with ourselves and others.
Treat people around you with the principle of ” three noes, three more”:
” three noes” – no criticism, no complaint, no accusation;
” Three More” – More Encouragement, More Praise, More Praise.
What should I do if there is something wrong with my family or colleagues? In life, you will find such a phenomenon that when someone gives advice to others, others can accept it, but others will get angry when they hear it.
In fact, the most important way of advice is ” sandwich” – praise, advice, praise again! Slowly you will become a popular person everywhere.
Let’s learn to be people who create a good life for ourselves, then influence others, and make the world full of positive energy of peace, joy and vitality.