A friend of the 1970s once told a story.
At that time, they were still in a village in the middle, the bottom of the bottom. The people around us are all of the same kind, facing the loess upside down. Over the past few years, we have not seen any changes in our lives.
In such still hardships, he has seen too many people fight for small profits, and too many relatives are torn by interests.
In 1978, he was 8 years old.
The 8 – year – old child, already sensible, also began to remember.
One night, he heard a rustle on the roof of the hut.
The sound is very strange, not like a cat or dog, much less like the wind.
It seems that something is scratching, planing and poking at the roof.
The sound lasted for a few seconds, then stopped and became violent again.
At that time, my father woke up, quietly got up, picked up a hoe from the corner of the door, and gently opened the door.
He followed, and the two crept to the gate together, turned around and tiptoed to the roof.
This look, they are all silly.
On the roof, a thin shadow of Baji stood on the hillside behind the house, holding a long bamboo pole to pick out their thatched roof.
The man exerted himself so hard that he couldn’t wait to break the roof into pieces of grass.
And this person is a cousin of their family.
Father shouted, ” Lao Gen, what are you doing here?”
The cousin shook, threw down the bamboo pole and ran away from the other end.
The next day, my father and another elder in the family said this. The elder said, ” This is no wonder Laogen. Your house has good feng shui. Several children have made great achievements. He looks uncomfortable.”
This is what the villagers think and explain.
They are indifferent and ignore problems, but regard their efforts and excellence as a curse. The evildoer is innocent, but the victim is guilty.
They didn’t go to the trouble, think relatives, too stiff is not good.
This is the end of it.
However, the years of the poor are like a sealed jar, with walls all around and a black eye.
In 1980, his mother died of illness.
The family has been hit hard again.
He still remembers that his father suffered from visceral cramps and could not move on the kitchen counter.
But what can be done? He had to fight hard to face the messy life in this place.
He asked relatives and friends to help him hold a simple funeral to bury his mother.
The burial place is a hillside in the village, facing the reservoir and surrounded by lush green.
He lost his mother at a young age. Since then, his father has been both a father and a mother. He has never been married again. There are as many as six brothers and sisters in the family. They are all young and their survival is naturally difficult step by step.
However, even so, it will bring another disaster to the family.
Two years later, his eldest brother was admitted to the university and his results were excellent. his second brother was taking the college entrance examination. Their excellence makes them a thorn in the village’s side.
Even if it does not directly harm, it should indirectly encourage others to do so.
At that time, it was July and the heat was unbearable. Second brother was about to take the college entrance examination.
A distant cousin, who was the station chief of the forest management station, suddenly found their home and said to his father, ” You must move Chunfang’s grave quickly. It’s against the law!”
Of course my father didn’t like it.
Besides, it was midsummer at that time. According to customs, moving graves in midsummer was a big taboo.
But cousin said, ” if you don’t move, you will be shoveled off.”
They had no choice but to take a few children with them the next day and move their mother’s grave to another place with tools.
Soon after the move, the cousin built a new house on the original site.
The so-called violation no longer exists with cousin.
From then on, he deeply understood a truth, whether relatives are good or bad is related to people, not blood.
Some relatives will give you warm, selfless care and care throughout your life.
And other so-called relatives will regard you as a thorn in the side. They will take advantage of what you can and will not take advantage of what you can.
However, what they have done is not necessarily the same as the above friends, who were forced to move their graves by relatives, but other trivial things. Such as borrowing money but not returning it, borrowing things but not returning them, playing tricks behind their backs, stabbing people in the face, ignoring boundaries, etc.
Tell another story.
This was accidentally seen on the forum before.
The man in the story lives in the city but belongs to the poor.
After his father was laid off, he set up a small stall to sell pancakes and his mother worked as a helper. The two had been out early and back late.
In order to earn a few dollars, they were desperate to die.
I go home late at night every day, eat a whole meal, and immediately fall asleep. But I got up again at 4: 00 in the morning to prepare the food for the next day. After the food was ready, the genius turned slightly bright and pushed the pancakes out of the door.
This kind of labor, of course, there is something wrong with the body.
My mother was so weak that she couldn’t stand up for a while.
However, she could not bear to see a doctor. She only rested for a few days at home, forced to swallow food, and then continued to work.
One day when my father was absent and my mother was standing at the corner of the street, she suddenly collapsed to the ground straight into wait for a while.
No one helped her.
No one called an ambulance for her either.
She lay on the greasy, wet ground for an hour, slowly waking up and walking home alone as if nothing had happened.
With this desperate struggle, at the end of the year, a group of accounts, finally made some money.
This would have been a good thing.
But this has also become a trigger for relatives to turn against each other.
In the twelfth month of that year, two aunts, one uncle and one cousin came to the house to borrow money.
Some people say they are sick, some say their children have to go to school, some say they want to build a house, and some want to marry a new daughter – in – law.
Everyone is right.
Everyone forced them to borrow money.
However, once parents calculate this amount of money, they cannot borrow it at all. They have to do too many urgent things.
Then declined one by one.
Don’t refuse. Don’t know. If you refuse, all the evil of human nature will be awakened.
My aunt began to scold me face to face with gongs and drums on the back, saying that my grandparents were partial to them and passed on the pancake – making skills to my father. Uncle threw the door out.
The most outrageous was the aunt, who said nothing on that day. They thought that the aunt knew everything.
Unexpectedly, a few days later, cousin took a few people and stuck in the street to ” beg” for money from his family, saying ” if you are so unkind, I don’t have to be polite” and then pulling off his father’s stall.
The father was furious and slapped his aunt severely.
As a result, the table aunts with people set up and beat his father blue.
When he left, Cousin Biao said a very horrible thing: ” Be careful with your childlessness!”
My father was extremely nervous and told him repeatedly that he must follow his friends after school and not travel alone. Even put a fruit knife in his bag. Fortunately, no big deal happened later.
After the incident passed, their family was extremely cold and disappointed with these relatives.
There has been no contact since then.
I believe that you and I also have such examples.
In the name of their relatives, they used the real name of occupation.
Using ” family” as an excuse to interfere, control, cheat and plunder you in every way.
For example, I have seen many relatives bully each other.
I have also seen some people regard their relatives as cash machines. For more than 10 years, they have stretched out their hands to ask for money. In case of refusal, they have arranged the right and wrong of this person in the street.
Writer Feng Xuerong once wrote an article entitled ” Why Oppose Friends and Relatives to Borrow Money”.
He said borrowing money from relatives and friends is one of the bad habits of the nation, and wrote in the article:
To pass on the problems that could have been solved by the market to one’s relatives and friends is the Chinese style of ” kinship” and ” friendship”.
Please allow the author to say rudely that this kind of so-called ” kinship” and ” friendship” are not only hypocritical but also ugly in essence.
This kind of hypocrisy and ugliness, if less, our hometown may still become our most attached spiritual homeland.
There is an old saying in the countryside, that is, don’t rely on lamps when cold, and don’t rely on relatives when poor. No matter how poor you are, you won’t be able to borrow money from relatives.
It is the essence of relatives – relatives make love, not profit.
Relatives are looking for ” our family” instead of making deals based on blood ties.
A friend of mine once said that if a person has several bear relatives, the happiness of life will plummet. If they still live very close to you and can meet at any time, the misfortune index will rise by several degrees.
Because they ” don’t divide us”, yours is his, his or his.
They are also too ” concerned about you”. He has to take care of your salary, when to find someone and when to have children.
In this way, the relationship between relatives will become worse.
In Love in a Fallen City, tassel went back to her mother’s family due to divorce and was bullied by the whole family in a weird way.
One day, four grandma began to routinely refer to mulberry scold tree:
” I said, seven younger sister, wait till tomorrow you have a husband’s family, everything can have to be careful, don’t let sex. Is divorce easy? To leave is to leave, common! If it is so easy, your fourth brother is not a success, why don’t I divorce? I also have a bride’s family. I don’t have nowhere to go. But these days, I have to give them a good deal. I am a little popular, so I have to take care of this. I can’t depend on others and drag them to poverty. I still have three points of shame! ”
Bai Liusu was kneeling in front of her mother’s bed. Hearing this, she pressed her embroidered shoes tightly against her heart and felt no pain when she pricked a needle in her shoes.
Whispered: ” This room is absolutely uninhabitable! …… Can’t live! ”
Bai Liusu’s hatred is extremely typical.
Many people who grew up in large families can find similar feelings.
You will feel that most of the relatives in front of you do not have the warmth you expected or the tolerance and support you desire.
On the contrary, they become the most familiar enemies, lurking beside you, ready to do some big or small things, challenge your nerves, even the bottom line.
The reason why these relatives are disliked is mostly due to their ignorance.
They do not know that there is a boundary between people.
This kind of boundary is to understand that you are you and I am me.
– your property is yours, you borrow, is human. No, it’s my duty.
– Your life is yours, whether you get married late or not, and whether you are gay or not, it is your freedom. I can watch, but not kidnap.
– Your future is yours. What work you do, what projects you invest in and what dreams you pursue have nothing to do with others.
Knowing this, it is possible for relatives to be at ease rather than upset when interacting with relatives.
I don’t understand, which leads to a series of tragedies, farces and absurd dramas.
Sartre has a book called ” others are hell”, which tells us that when people are in a group, others will always influence their own will and their choices by their own will. As a result, they will do many acts against freedom.
In this sense, relatives are also hell.
Under the name of ” I am doing this for your own good”, they control all kinds of you, here and there.
Of course, comparing relatives with hell does not mean that all relatives are evil, but rather points out a kind of perplexity during the social transformation.
Fortunately, agricultural society is becoming a thing of the past and urban civilization is coming.
And one of the big signs of city civilization is to allow individuals to regain their greatest freedom.
You want to live alone, ok, no problem.
If you want fewer relatives, the city will help you.
Zhang Feng once said such words in ” The Age of Relatives Gone”:
Hometown is an eternal theme in Chinese literature.
On this basis, relatives are gradually endowed with a kind of magic power. Relatives are power, which is an extension of patriarchy and is finally implemented through the authority of ” father”.
. . . Urbanization has not only caused economic differences between urban and rural areas, but more importantly, it has fundamentally destroyed the social relations of traditional villages.
An old uncle came to your community and knocked on your door. In his habitual thinking, you are still the son of one of his younger brothers, but times have changed.
The greatest feature of city life is that everything is no longer linked by traditional patriarchal clan system, but a community life based on the spirit of consultation.
In handling disputes, it is no longer possible to rely on family meetings or relatives’ mobilization, but on equal consultation and law.
This is really a wonderful theory.
It makes us understand that our antipathy towards relatives is, in essence, our vigilance against the power that is ubiquitous around us, controlling, affecting your life and interfering with your freedom.
In the agricultural society, this kind of power is bound to prevail.
Only in cities that value contracts and respect freedom can the ” harm” of relatives be minimized.
Knowing this, young people living in the north, the north, the north, the west and the deep don’t have to be too picky about their relatives after returning home during the Spring Festival.
You can think of it as a process of exploring human nature, or as watching a picture of traditional characters and beings.
Because, you are already an outsider.
Their behavior cannot really interfere with you.
When they cross the border, you can say, ” Uncle Qi, I also want to ask you about this. What is your son like in this regard?”
When they invaded, they left. After that, the mountain will be high and the water will last forever.
For example, Wen Chu’s post – 70s friend settled in Beijing when he was an adult, and everything in his hometown has gone away.
Scenery, customs and relatives have all become clouds of the past.
Most people just sigh when they mention old things. Alas, relatives have good and bad relatives. It is good to ignore them.
Yes, we cannot choose blood, but we can choose life.
We cannot choose our origins, but we can create our own identities.
This status has nothing to do with ” where I come from” but ” what I have done”.