What is the most taboo for men and women?

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Even if a husband and wife have been exposed to each other for many years, there should be no less discretion and respect.

Previously, American columnist Mark Manson asked many married people the secret of happy marriage before the wedding.

Soon he received thousands of replies. Among them are newly married couples, people who have divorced and found happiness again, and old wives who have been in love for 20 to 30 years.

He found an interesting phenomenon: when couples who have been married for several years talk about maintaining their relationship, the most frequently mentioned word is ” communication”.

However, people who have been married for more than 20 years all agree that ” respect” is the key to maintaining a happy marriage compared with communication.

If you don’t respect your partner, you don’t respect yourself. Because the other half – was also your own choice.

This reminds me of Ang Lee. One of his previous interviews was flashed on the screen. It mentioned that the internationally renowned director was still humble in his family and said that his greatest happiness was ” my wife smiled at me.”

Ang Lee explained: Being a husband and father does not mean that I can naturally win respect. I still have to keep reaching a standard to earn their respect.

This is proper limit.

Young lovers will probably not understand that respect is not natural and requires two people to fight for it together. To love someone does not mean to respect each other.

Love, rely on long-term companionship and intimacy, maintain seems not so difficult.

And respect requires you to unconditionally trust each other and trust each other to manage this relationship as hard as you do.

What is the opposite of proper limit? There are at least several minefields that can be avoided:

1. belittle each other. The other party did something wrong. You said, ” You are so stupid” and ” Why are you so stupid?” 」

2. Defend yourself. ” If it weren’t for you getting up late, we wouldn’t have missed lunch! ” Throw the pot to the other party, is the culprit of loss relationship quality.

3. Disregard each other. ” I’m with you now, why are you still doing this to me?”

4. Cold War. He refused to accept the negotiation terms offered by the other party and refused to cooperate in anger. However, if one person is not happy, it will definitely affect the quality of their relationship.

When we are immersed in the light of love, we often ignore the fact that staying together for a lifetime means facing numerous great challenges. What is most difficult to accept is the change of the other party in the following decades.

It’s not as simple as changing one’s hairstyle, but it’s an earth-shaking change. It may even make you feel that this person is not the one you first knew.

Sometimes, each step back and maintain the most primitive and basic principles of interpersonal relationship: respect and sincerity are much better than constantly advancing and warming up and clamoring for each other to pay more attention to themselves.

If you love deeply, you should pay attention to eating.

Greedy

You want the moon, sixpence is not enough.

Men and women taboo one word: greed.

I want everything, and what I want is exactly the opposite.

The girls are bathed in the happy sunshine of love, but their hearts remain lightly abandoned.

There are too many girls around young and handsome boys who are too funny and humorous, too honest and honest, and too puzzled by the amorous feelings of the opposite sex.

The rich are too old and the young are too poor. If you find a young and rich second-generation entrepreneur, you will not be able to serve him.

The one who loves you feels that the reins are the restraints. Miss Dong, you yearn for the grassland. You love you and think that you are a wild donkey or a stallion. You need broad shoulders and boundless security.

The same problem also happens to men.

Control your face, legs and chest. I really met the big and long legs of the baby’s face, and after the initial superiority disappeared, I began to complain: we have no common topic, but what I love is that her shell is not her brain.

I’m curious if this is the same group of people who forwarded the jokes to the female doctor.

Hard work and plain living are too difficult for you to take out, but you have to apply makeup for half an hour before you take out the gorgeous and shining ones. you have to rush again: don’t bother, hurry up.

White roses are not red enough, red roses are too red. As a result, the Chinese government will continue to implement the ” one country, two systems” policy.

You think it is too realistic for a girl who is careful in budget, but you think to a girl who is full of imagination: this is not a brain-dead 2X? for the sake of the next generation’s IQ, I’d better stay away from her.

You want the moon, sixpence is not enough.

People are always so ridiculous. Some people say they condescend to love, some say they compromise, and some say they don’t love shit. After two years, they are not the same.

However, I did not realize that greed was greater than love, and I failed to think carefully: what I yearned for in my heart and what I had in my hand were originally business associates.

Always chasing two things that cannot coexist, this is too solemn and stirring.

The last happy person usually has a small appetite.

of course

Whenever I feel that my love is about to enter eternity for granted, it is actually the eve of the storm when the crisis is coming.

I almost saw from the beginning to the end, I have made every mistake they mentioned. I am the kind of person who always makes mistakes. Men accept all mistakes and women’s mistakes. My love has been easily destroyed by one or several mistakes, and it has never made any mistake but ended without a hitch.

If you ask my experience, I will say:

Whenever I feel that my love is about to enter eternity for granted, it is actually the eve of the storm when the crisis is coming.

So, do you understand? The most taboo thing for couples is to take the existence of love for granted.

This is my experience.

run

No one can learn to swim without choking water. Smart people can find skills and methods from choking water. Stupid people only choke water all the time and then complain that water is too cruel.

Do not know how to operate.

In the face of love, what we say most is ” encounter”. We meet soul mates and people who are in love with each other.

In the face of work, what we say most is ” rush”. It is always good for young people to go out and rush.

In fact, these two words have exposed people’s deep speculative psychology under examination-oriented education. Because they met the right person and entered a good era, the prince and princess lived happily together from now on.

This kind of speculation makes many people ignore the essence of life, that is, a happy life needs to be managed.

What is business?

Many people think that management is persistence and persistence is buying lottery tickets. As long as you keep buying every day, you will win the lottery one day.

Let me ask you a question first. If you were the one who developed OICQ, do you think you can develop it into the Tencent empire today like Ma Huateng?

Love needs to be managed, and if one feels the same way, one’s heart needs to be managed in order to blossom brightly.

Career, life, family … all happiness and achievements in life are managed.

Life is not just about having an idea, but having an idea can lead you to the top of your life.

In all things, I always think about meeting people. If my life is not satisfactory, it is my bad luck. If others are rich, it is the virtue of my ancestors. If I catch up with the good times … ” Ha ha”

For those who have not experienced love, my advice is to have a love talk first. Only after you have done and experienced it, can you know what kind of love you want. For example, you can never learn to swim by standing on the bank, even if Guo jingjing comes to teach you.

For those who have experienced love, my advice is to sum up yourself, sum up your love experience and think clearly what you want. No one is perfect, what you can accept and what you can’t, seek common ground while reserving differences, then you can find the person most suitable for your accompanying life.

Another very important point is that summary and introspection can help you learn how to get along better with your lover, how to express your feelings well, and how to communicate effectively, so as to better eliminate various contradictions and problems in the process of two people getting along.

Instead of only ” doing” to get attention ( both men and women ). This is a very important aspect of managing love.

Love, like, happy, angry, depressed, sad, asking for help, misunderstanding, communication, and solutions to problems … all these problems and emotions that often occur in life need to be learned and cultivated continuously in order to achieve a satisfactory result.

No one can learn to swim without choking water. Smart people can find skills and methods from choking water. Stupid people only choke water all the time and then complain that water is too cruel.

Finally, if you are sure that a person is worthy of love and can really appreciate each other, please manage it carefully so that it can blossom and bear fruit.

If a person is not what he wants, or if two people have totally different ideas about life, then they are different and do not work together, freeing up their time and energy to find out who is more suitable for them.

Communication

Not everyone is Sherlock. Not realizing what you mean, he was angry: ” You just don’t understand me. 」

I think the worst thing is the lack of communication.

This situation is more common among girls, but also among boys.

If you don’t communicate, either hold it alone or yell at each other, you always think that you have given enough information and the other party should understand what you mean.

Not everyone is Sherlock.

Not realizing what you mean, he was angry: ” You just don’t understand me. 」

This is how all misunderstandings arise.

It’s too bad that you can’t be honest with your lover.

It is true that many boys suffer from it, but it is not that girls deliberately want to do it.

Generally speaking, girls are more emotional and may be more emotional when confronted with problems.

How to guide the other party to have a quiet conversation is also a problem that boys should consider.

Pretend romantic

Admit it, you are just an ordinary man.

In love, please don’t pretend to be romantic.

Many Chinese men, because they have been good for too long and don’t want to be a dull boy any more, can’t wait to show their best to the girls.

Life is so complicated and the surroundings are so noisy. How can she get her attention if the chosen date place is not so romantic, the gifts are not so delicate, the dresses are not so fashionable and the topics are not so attractive?

When you are madly in love, you Suit & Tie, search for French Italian Turkish or new guinea restaurants, then clean out treasure red roses, white roses, tulips or jasmine flowers, and text messages with various microblog internet love messages;

I wish I could take her to eat prairie antelope meat from roadside malatang, taste old world and new world red wine, and remember all kinds of Whisky bar;. You will send her fluffy toys, remember every anniversary, and surprise her unexpectedly.

But the real you never get used to the tie, nor do you know any flowery language;

What do you think of microblog jokes as unbeatable? Pork and ham with instant noodles is the best match for dinner.

Your drinks and drinks are still barely distinguishable from snowflakes and yanjing. your birthdays will be forgotten. the only thing you remember is the date of the world cup.

Admit it, you are just an ordinary man.

Pseudo – romance is the real killer of love. You think your feelings can only be expressed by romance, but unfortunately you are not Naturally born charming.

Pretending to be a beautiful romantic image to cater to the girls will eventually be debunked.

You may have read The Self – cultivation of Actors, but when your life gradually becomes calm, your sense of security multiplies and your possessiveness is fully satisfied, you will slowly return to your original self.

The girls’ keen sixth sense will detect the huge contrast between before and after you in the first place. What is more sad is that you think they don’t care.

” These are nothing,” he said. ” They are all matters of love.” We are old wives. ”

” She will not leave me. 」

Unfortunately

Passive attack

The perfect love is to have a good fight every five days.

There are always a few words when couples quarrel, and throwing them out is a nuclear bomb.

This behavior, which clearly expresses anger and dissatisfaction in the heart but does not directly express negative emotions, is called ” passive attack” in psychology. The person who launches the passive attack seems to obey in the passive, but his words and deeds always make others uncomfortable.

Passive attack may lead to a kind of ” cold war” situation in the love relationship.

For example, a love relationship may develop into a ” stonewalling” – a defense mechanism in which one party will no longer listen to the other party’s opinions, and may even choose to escape from the scene of a quarrel and avoid conflicts, such as not answering the phone, not returning information, not returning home.

However, passive attacks cannot be simply regarded as ” mistakes” and Ta’s have their own difficulties.

Passive attack in adulthood is often a habit, mostly from the reproduction of early childhood experience, and is an emotional projection. When Ta is young, they are often in a weak position in their relationship with their parents, classmates, teachers and students. Passive attack becomes a means for Ta to maintain dignity and self – protection.

However, when we face passive attacks from our lovers, we often lack enough patience and understanding, and sometimes even give more intense feedback.

Therefore, when there is a ” passive attack” in love, it will definitely not be the responsibility of one party. Both parties need to do something.

Only ” passive attackers” are easy to fall into emotions, and often need the attacked party to take on the important task of guiding the problem solving.

First, in the face of passive attack don’t have to quarrel with ta first

In the face of ” passive attacker” attacks, people’s first reaction is very easy to generate ” you still have reason” anger. At this time, we might as well avoid its sharpness for the time being, do not use attacks to fight back first, and calm down a bit – because passive attackers may not be able to control themselves.

The overwhelming majority of people make passive attacks in their feelings because Ta people feel that the other party is too strong and their right to anger is deprived, so that they feel that they are not respected or loved.

Direct tit-for-tat confrontation is not only not conducive to solving the problem, but may also deepen Ta’s resistance.

This is not a problem your lover can solve alone. Ta needs your help to help Ta realize that Ta is not a weak party and also has the right to express emotions. We can communicate and express anger equally.

Second, clearly express their emotions

Passive aggressive people often have the characteristics of ” avoidance personality” – this is a kind of ” social inhibition”. avoidance people feel inadequate for self-ability and are extremely sensitive to negative evaluation.

Therefore, when they started ” passive attack”, they could not listen to any roundabout or ” secret accusation” from others.

A more appropriate solution is to limit the topic to the current events themselves. As psychologist Braslow said, ” You need to react without affecting their emotions.

For example, when Ta said ” you can do whatever you want”, instead of saying ” why do you always do this and why do you always do this”, he focused on the specific problem at present and told Ta that the words ” you can do whatever you want” made me uncomfortable. I am not forcing you to agree with me, but I hope to discuss it together.

Three, communication is invalid, give Ta some punitive consequences

When we try our best to communicate and solve the problem, but Ta still refuses to communicate and does not push forward to solve the problem, we need to make Ta realize that his passive attack has touched your boundary and needs to light up a red light.

One way to get negative attackers to change their behavior is to ” let their behavior have definite consequences.” For example, it can break some fixed habits in your relationship and make Ta feel that you are suddenly different from before:

If you always drink together, this time only pour yourself a glass of wine. If you always play games together, open the game and play it yourself. Or go out for a walk alone without greeting him.

Of course, only when repeated attempts to communicate are ineffective can one try this method, the purpose being to make the other party aware of the seriousness of the problem. After a short punishment, we should still try to communicate.

4. Read Ta’s attack signal to avoid the next passive attack

Learning to recognize some body language symbols may help you recognize the signal that your partner is ready to launch a passive attack and prepare in advance. For example, clenched fist, crossed arms, a flash of pie mouth …

Psychological research has found that people who are in a negative state of mind often express themselves through ” rigidities”. For example, gazing down may be a sign that their feelings are hurt, or they may try to hide their feelings.

If Ta’s body is tight when you try to hug your partner, it may mean Ta is secretly angry and will hurt you in the next second.

Everyone’s signals are different. If you can notice these body signals, you may try to change the subject before the other party launches an attack, or start a conversation in advance with a more gentle attitude, which may kill a fierce battle in the cradle.

Five, increase daily interaction, fundamentally avoid passive attack

The reason why passive attack appears in love is due to the lack of communication and interaction between the two sides, which makes misunderstanding and contradiction easy to occur and leads to unhealthy way of getting along.

In order to solve the problem of ” passive attack” from the source, it is necessary to find the most suitable communication and interaction between two people.

Dr John Gottman, a famous American marriage psychologist, found in 40 years that the most important factor influencing or even determining the trend of a close relationship is the proportion of ” positive interaction” and ” negative interaction” in this relationship.

The ratio of a happy love should be positive interaction: negative interaction = 5: 1. It can probably be understood that the most perfect love is to have a good fight every five good days.

Of course, this kind of quarrel should be ” Constructive / Helpful Argument”, that is, both parties can express their anger freely, and at the same time they are rational not to cause the scene to get out of control due to excessive anger, just to let the other party understand their emotions.

During the quarrel, the two sides were able to reach a consensus through mutual compromise.

When couples learn to quarrel constructively, both sides can reach a consensus and resolve conflicts more efficiently on the road to love, thus making the relationship closer and stronger.

Here are the correct steps for a ” constructive quarrel”:

1. Contradictions and fierce quarrels occurred. At first there was disagreement, both sides expressed their views vehemently, but consciously put an end to simple complaints.

2. A more rational quarrel. In the middle of a constructive quarrel, both parties will try to accurately feel the feelings of the other half, understand the thoughts of the other half, and express their feelings and understanding. They will not deliberately distort each other’s views and take the opportunity to attack each other.

3. Settle down the quarrel. Partners who quarrel constructively will compromise and actively change their attitudes and opinions.

In short, when two people fall in love, they can always find ways to help themselves solve problems.

There can be no contradiction in love, and quarrelling is not a bad thing. We don’t want to say such nonsense as ” I wish you a happy love”, but we hope you can have a partner who is willing to quarrel with you seriously.

May every quarrel be transformed into an active and effective communication. May we all have the urge to love each other more and embrace each other more tightly after each quarrel is over.

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