Final gaze

  My grandfather did a sheep’s life for a lifetime.

  He is tall and has long legs and deep arches. He walks on the mountain beams and his feet are firmly grasped. According to the villagers, he is born to feed the sheep.
  Before liberation, he gave the landlord a sheep, and the work was very small. The children never had enough food. Therefore, the sheep called, the baby cried, his brows wrinkled.

  The father grew up in hunger, but grew as tall as his father. My grandfather and my grandmother ridiculed: “It’s still true for the rest of my life. The family is poor and strong, and the land is thin and long.” The liberation, the above person sent a grandmother to his grandfather, printed with the handwriting of the great man Mao Zedong: Revolutionary tradition, strive for greater glory. The villagers know that he was an underground party member who joined the organization in 1938. The original sheep was only a cover. His business is to transmit intelligence to the organization.
  Considering his historical contribution and making him a cadre in the organization, he said: “I can’t be.” Ask him why, he said that except for the sheep, there is no culture, no eloquence, don’t delay things. The organization insisted on arranging his work and said, how can we treat an old revolution? He thought about it and said, “If this is the case, let me put the sheep.” The
  sheep is not the same as the sheep. The village gives him the highest treatment. He went to the people’s commune and gave him the highest work. He went to the year and gave him a Hanging sheep into the water. Even if the door is closed, the meat is spread far and wide, and the neighbors are envious. He was content and said to his father: “You must know how to be grateful.”
  Because of his good family, his father became the first person in the village to read junior high school. Originally, I wanted to go to high school. I had an enthusiastic nephew who introduced him to a relative. When he first entered the woman’s house, he was hit by the woman’s beauty. When I got home, I said to my grandfather, “I don’t want to study. I want to get married.”
  Grandfather said: “Is that it is not enough. I still expect you to be a cadre in the future, doing big things?”
  Father said: “How come you are not?”
  My grandfather was speechless, just laughing and laughing strangely. He later told people that this can blame anyone, what seeds are sprinkled, and what kind of seedlings are not growing?
  The father became a militia commander in the village, cultivated during the day, military training at night, full of enthusiasm, and arrogant. It’s done very well, and it’s typical of the tree above. I want to reward him personally, but he said, you don’t even reward, just ask you to let the film team go to our village for a few more. At that time, the country folks were particularly rare movies, and they felt that the movie was mysterious, interesting, and sorrowful.
  At that time, the film was released, and the film was added before the feature film. The film has always been a “news bulletin” filmed by the Central News Film Studio. The film is the Tiananmen Square, which appears in the center of the screen and is accompanied by music. At this moment, the father will have straight waist, double fists, and awe-inspiring.
  He felt something called sacred.
  One year, the county armed forces came to the village to collect a guardian flag and defend the soldiers of Tiananmen. This is not a general soldier. The first consideration is political conditions. Therefore, they are actually coming to the father. When I met my father, they were overjoyed because the young man in front of him was not only politically sturdy, but also tall and straight, and he was very handsome. They said to their father, “It’s you.” The
  father was so excited that he was red, but he quickly dimmed. He shouted: “But I am married.”
  The leader of the armed forces said: “This is not a problem at all .” “The
  father did not say anything to his mother, and he left with his legs.”
  When I arrived at the county, I immediately got a medical examination. Scorpio people wished that, even if the item was qualified, he immediately sent him a uniform. Said to him: “You will go back home once, settle down, and report it the day after tomorrow.” When he went
  out, his father put on his military uniform. Although he had not yet issued a cap badge, the feeling of the soldiers was already strong. When I met my mother, I couldn’t help but respect a military ceremony. I thought that my mother would be moved to give it a hug, but my mother squatted on the floor and hugged his leg. Wow, crying. “Children, his father, you can’t go, the boss just climbs, the second child just came out. As soon as you
  leave , you will fall into the sky.” No matter how persuaded, the mother just cried in a hurry and cried a beautiful face into a crumpled piece of paper.
  This hit his father again. He lost the courage to make a decision. He had to send the uniform back.
  His life has left regrets. When he plays the film again, he can’t help but cry when he sees the radiant Tiananmen.
  Later, the father became the secretary of the brigade (village) branch. As soon as he took office, he ordered the “two newspapers and one magazine”. He said that since it is a branch secretary, it is necessary to care about the news from Beijing. At that time, the leaders always loved to speak on the Tiananmen Gate, review the parade, and meet the team. The newspaper will always publish a large photo. He stared at the image for a long time, his eyes shining, motionless.
  The father is an optimist. After finishing work at night, he is lying on the bandits and often chooses the revolutionary songs and model operas. He sang and walked away, like the autumn 蝉 蝉 winter tree, the front sound is short and the sound is short, listening to the trouble. Mother and we secretly laughed at him. Mother simply said, don’t sing, or I will give you a bright scorpion. There is a drama similar to that of Hebei Xunzi in Jingxi. The locals are called Shanzizi. The mother is the protagonist of singing the mountain scorpion in the village. When she sings, she revolves around the beam. Everyone applauds and makes her father shy, like doing something wrong. However, as long as he sang “I love Beijing Tiananmen”, everyone’s ridicule, immediately stopped, and applause. Not that he sang well, but everyone knows that it is his most sensitive part, and he can’t bear to make it.
  He also discovered this. As long as he confronted his mother and resisted it, he would use this trick, and the mother would have to swear, and said with a thoughtful voice: “You sing well.”
  Father did not expect, he ordered “Two newspapers and one magazine” actually became the best extracurricular reading of his son. I was deeply affected, and I had the desire to fly to the distance. I also buried the seeds of literature. At that time, I thought, I will never live in the countryside in the “30 acres of a cow, the child’s wife is hot-headed” life, I can not leave the father’s regret. He was diligent in reading, and he was admitted to the key high school with the second place in the county.
  My flight, but gave my father a problem – going to school in the county, eating and living, the cost is great, but he has no money in his hand. He went around to borrow, until there was nowhere to borrow. A huge man was sighing on the ground. The mother enlightened him, you a secretary of the branch, can’t “change” some money? The father was very angry and said to her, you went to the father’s room and looked at the wall. What was hanging on the top? Mother naturally knows that it is the handwriting of great men: to carry forward the revolutionary tradition and strive for greater glory.
  The father finally made a decision to work as a kiln at the Jinjitai in the Lingling. Although it is harder to dig coal, it can earn cash and can cleanly support his son to go to school.
  His move shocked the Sanxiang Wuling.
  I finally achieved academic success and became a township head in a township. At that time, the leaders of the townships and towns climbed the car and thought it was a symbol of identity and strength. I have been sitting in an old Volga, and often turned off the fire halfway. The driver said, what is your picture, is it to show integrity? I smiled and said, I am not so high, because of my origins – my grandfather is a sheep, my father is a coal, I don’t have such a high ass.
  When the time came to the summer of 1996, my father suddenly had abdominal pain. He didn’t want to alarm me. He had been eating painkillers forever. Later, when I swallowed the tablets, it didn’t work. He found me and said, I would touch you and pull me to the city to check. At this time, he was already skinny, and I was so sad that I felt that his illness was related to me.
  After arriving at the Friendship Hospital in Beijing, after the examination, the doctor said that you are late, and he has colon cancer, which has spread. I was in tears at the time, not myself. When the father saw this, he said, “It seems that I got a serious illness and I have not saved it.”
  During the treatment, he suddenly said to me: “You pull me to Tiananmen Square. I want to see Tiananmen.”
  At the square, at first When I was walking next to him, and a dozen meters away from the flag pole, he suddenly broke free of me and rushed to himself. He looked up at the flag above his head and the baby smiled. Standing for a long time, until I couldn’t hold it, I was not willing to kneel on the ground. As he gasped, he said to me: “Actually, I have the opportunity to stand here, but unfortunately I don’t live up to expectations.”
  I know that there is a feeling of incompetence in his heart, and what comforts are superfluous. I laughed and was speechless.
  Later, I took him to a place where I could see the whole picture of Tiananmen at a close distance and stood still. His eyes didn’t seem to be enough, up and down, left and right, and he was eager and panicked.
  There is a photo point in front of me. I said to him: “Let’s take a photo in front of Tiananmen Square.”
  His eyes lit up and he said: “Photo.”
  But when he came to the photographer, he did not look at it. Ask him why, he said: “I have this look, not worthy.”
  He was really tired, sitting in the square, his eyes staring at the Tiananmen Gate. He sat for a long time and didn’t alarm him. Finally, he nodded to me. “Son, come over.” I came to him. He said to me, “Look, son, look at the city, is Chairman Mao waving to us?”
  Just in winter, father It has passed away. Before he died, he said to me: “Son, I regret it. It is better to take one picture that day.”
  That year, when his father died, he was just 52 years old. I firmly believe that his early death is absolutely related to me. Therefore, after my father’s death, my heart suddenly gave birth to a heavy desolation, so that with the official position, there was no literary achievement, and there was not much joy. Instead, there was a sense of jingle night, so I walked down and refused. Zhang Yang. Some people think that I am a low-key person, and some people think that I am making a show, I have all smiled.
  The apology to my father turned into a deep love for my mother. I filthy her in every possible way. She lived happily in her later years. However, recently she always looked at her father’s portrait in a daze, her face was filled with inexplicable sadness. One day not long ago, she suddenly asked me: “Have you accompanied Dad to see Tiananmen?”

  ”Then you have to accompany me to go, or wait for us to see you again, he will look down on me.”
  She made me scream, and quickly accepted. It seems that their generation, even if the world is always separated, the heart is also open.