Although I was away from home, my heart was deeply in love with my parents. In a foreign land, the most unpleasant thing is that the parents are not in good health. When parents are older, their attachment to them is gradually becoming uneasy. Especially the phone, if you don’t call at a fixed time, you will worry – just like this one.
At the beginning, my mother told her father that she was ill on the phone. I still have no special feelings. I only care about it and I am not worried. His father has always been tough, and his symptoms are only fever and cough. The mother’s tone is nothing more than a gossip.
A month later, my father was still having a fever. Burning without reason is definitely not normal. But there are two small children around me who have their own academic lives and can’t ship them as luggage. The suspense of when the heart hangs at both ends and when it flies back becomes an anxiety.
I have seen many overseas travellers visiting relatives, often because of the various kinds of life, and most of them are rushing back when they are seriously ill or at the end of their lives. Sometimes I waited until I saw the last side and I could only die.
I wish I had no regrets. My mother repeatedly refused my request to go back and said, “Let’s check what disease is it?” And in addition to burning, there are no other symptoms. The mother’s tone is still stable.
After three months, my father is still burning, and after a series of inspections, I still can’t find the cause. But during this time, the father was obviously weakened. Every time the cough is earth-shattering, it is like coughing up the internal organs. The weight also lost a dozen pounds! Gradually, the father was even weak enough to be able to eat at the table.
At about this time, the inexplicable feeling began to rise. My heart seems to have been poked a hole, and what is constantly being lost. What kind of sickness is this? We are like falling in a huge fog, and the whiteness is not on the verge of being surrounded. There is a black flag in the distance, the hunting ground is blown by the wind, and I am shocked. If it is death, I will try my best to resist the father being exiled to the other side.
I can’t catch the cause. Everything that can be pointed out on the Internet can be taken lightly, and all are linked to the name of the scared person.
Then one day, I read a sentence in the book “The Face of Death”: There are 10,000 different doors for people to go out. Amazed, I thought that my father’s illness would be a door to death’s “export”? Not even the name, so arrogant, so overbearing?
I started to have a nightmare.
Once I dreamt that my father was rushed to the other side like an animal and was forced to kneel down. And I am constantly calling at this end, but I can’t get through. Woke up and touched the face, the heart is the terrible sense of isolation, as well as the loneliness and helplessness on the father’s face.
Once again, I dreamt of a heartfelt cry from my mother. Looking back, I can’t see my mother. I have never heard the cry of my mother, but I don’t know why, I know her, but she can’t find her.
The time outside the dream seems to be stationary, and the only language is the question mark: What is the disease? More is, this time, is it time to arrive?
When my father is weak and can’t get out of bed, the mother finally looses her mouth, come back, your dad misses you!
I am busy setting up my children, and I am rushing back to the country. My heart is full of fear.
On the plane, there is still no change in the world. At the beginning of the year, I was also known as a blessed person. At that time, I had just undergone major surgery and walked through the father’s arm to go for a walk in the hospital corridor. Father’s handsome posture, holding me, whoever saw it, praised it: good fortune! To the middle-aged illness, and my father to accompany him, how many people in the world can?
I smiled weakly and took my father carefully. Walking away, suddenly we smiled at each other, because they all thought of the wedding ceremony, and the father took me to the red carpet, he was so carefully guarded. Really, he was present at several major gates in life and had walked with me.
Now that he is lying down, I can’t do anything about it. I am so eager to take my father’s hand and ask: Dad, are you sad? Are you afraid? Are you going to heaven?
Along the way, I wonder if my father doesn’t know what the disease looks like, will he not recognize it? The first face after the reunion turned out to be the biggest fear of the time.
When I arrived at the hospital, I had a face-lift and my heart was loose. Fortunately, my father’s unique high forehead and big face were still not slim. But when I sat at my father’s bed, talking and forgetting, and taking a palm on my father’s back, I felt that there was only one bone under my palm. Looking back, my father’s robes are shaped like dead branches. The whole person sat there like a thin slate, and the root ribs carved out the condition for these months.
The father was pale and coughed, so he concentrated and worked hard like a helpless child. After the cough, he lay down and smiled at me on the pillow. I also laughed and laughed as fragile.
After that, the ward was on the wait, feeding, cleaning, serving, and toileting… It was difficult to concentrate without thinking, but went all out.
One day, the mother went home to get something, leaving the father and daughter alone. My father spoke to me and talked about rebuilding my house in the United States, saying that I wanted to settle the things that the United States lived with me after he recovered. In fact, with his physical condition at the time, I understood that it was to “mother my mother.” I am embarrassed to respond to some of the details of the alteration.
When I talked, my father mentioned that he couldn’t wait – he didn’t have much time, I don’t know if the disease can’t go over… Suddenly the voice is screaming, tears are full.
When I saw it, I took my father over and then realized that it was my father.
In an instant, my father buried his head on my shoulder and cried and wept. The bones in my arms twitched in my arms. I am shocked and sentimental. Father’s life is the military’s steel will, tears will never flick. The last time I shed tears, or after I invited my drink at the wedding banquet, he was drunk, and screamed and shed tears, and shouted in confusion: the daughter and others ran away! Ran!
After waking up, I was afraid of my father’s embarrassment. So far we have never mentioned a word and a sentence.
This time, my father was very awake. In waking, he still cannot control and suppress his fear. Father, finally came to his end, life became soft.
In the hospital, I accompanied my father every day, and shared with my father the life in the United States in these years. Talking about Mr., talking about children, it seems that the father and the daughter re-identified. Sometimes we also talk about the ultimate destination of heaven.
Just in our minds, when we have made the worst plan for the fierceness we may face, a relatively certain inspection report actually came out, which is the disease of the immune system!
When you were awkward, the black bird that had been hiding in the heart for a long time flew out to the window and went away to the sky.
So, this time the disease is not “export”? Finally, can you prescribe the right medicine? Seems to be suspended, we all experienced the joy of rebirth.
However, after this incident, I deeply felt that I had been pushed into the “last chapter” of my parents’ life and learned everything related to “final”.
After returning to the United States, I resolutely rebuilt the house. After more than a year, my parents were brought to the United States to live together. The three generations finally came together. In the “last chapter” of my parents, I am locked in my mission to create a “clean, bright place” for my parents. In this “clean, bright place”, we built memories together.
In the past few years, we used to travel to the Grand Canyon for the whole family; the whole family went to the photo studio to take pictures of three generations of the same family; the New Year’s generation worshipped, the younger generations went to the elders to receive red envelopes; during the semester, they took the father to cheer for the granddaughter running competition and gave the grandson a piano performance. Take a video.
Parents are married for the 55th anniversary, we invite parents to all the friends in Los Angeles to come and celebrate at home. I personally cook, the gentleman uses flowers, balloons, ribbons to decorate the home, the two children expressed their gratitude to the grandparents in Chinese, and also performed different instruments. At that time, I secretly found out the important photos of their 55 years of marriage, compiled into a computer slide projector, plus narration and music.
A lifelong review, there will be opportunities at the funeral today. But I believe that for the deceased, the moment when his life most wants to be read open, you should feel personally listened, cared, and even appreciated before you live, and you have the opportunity to personally add first-hand interpretation. So I deliberately broadcast it to my parents in advance.
That night, their lives were reappeared in front of the old man and the old friends who had passed through the same era. They were more than imaginary, and all the people were crying.
The projection of that time has a title called “Life without regrets”, taken from the words of the mother who often hangs his mouth. “I have no regrets in my life.” To be honest, I can hear from the old parents’ mouths that they have no regrets about their own life. It is the greatest blessing to their children.