Not talking weekly

  Nowadays, there are TVs everywhere, mobile phones everywhere, and boring gossip everywhere. In such a world, comedian Eric Kirk plans to speak for a week, can he stick to it?

  I love to talk, and I have a lot of words.

  Over the years, I especially loved to go to the newspaper shop near my home to chat with the owner and ask him how many “Mas” chocolate bars he sold. Why do you want to change the brand to Opal Fruit? “Starburst”, it’s a pity… and so on. When I have a pause in my chat, I will talk about all kinds of nonsense, from the weather to the tomatoes I planted, and I have nothing to say.

  Because of this, I decided to take a shut-down plan and continue for a whole week! I must prove to myself that my life is not just a meaningless chat. Besides, in this way, I don’t have to answer the phone when I hear the phone ringing. Finally, you can calm down!

  I announced this plan to my girlfriend Lucy. As soon as she heard it, she took out twenty pounds and bet with me, betting that I could not do it. She smiled and said: “This money is really good to earn.”

  The shut-up action began. In the following week, I am working from home. It is a trivial matter to not talk, is it difficult?


  I woke up at seven in the morning, Lucy was grooming and ready to go to work.

  ”Early!” she said. I waved my hand to respond.

  Going downstairs for breakfast, in addition to the radio broadcast, the home is terrible. I have been getting up for half an hour, and I haven’t said a word yet.

  Lucy gave me a kiss at the door. She said: “You can’t support today.” I waved and squeezed a smile. My heart is guilty: What should I do today? What happened in the store? What happens in the garden center? After a few hours, I am sure to go crazy.

  This day is really bad. I dare not go out at all, lest I have to say something else when I meet someone else. When Lucy came back from work, I began to compare with her: holding her head in her hands, shaking her left and right, and using her fingers to walk on the table, she wanted to explain to her through gestures. I walked around at home all day. Going, being mad. Lucy didn’t understand it. In turn, she talked to me about what she saw and heard today. I had to sit down and listen and nod.

  After dinner, we watched the TV series Mad Men. Usually, I will criticize and watch the war, but today I can only watch TV silently. Really terrible!


  Before going to work today, Lucy’s mood was very good. It seemed to be better than yesterday, and she sang in the shower.

  I am left alone at home. I think, like most people, I usually talk to myself or talk to my cat at home. I don’t mean to talk like a madman. I mean, this situation is purely normal. But now I can’t even talk to myself, I have to look at the cat and blink. The cat also stared at me and fell asleep.

  Looking at the good side, my writing is hearty. But I can’t go out all week, and in that case, I will definitely go crazy!

  How wonderful the world is outside!

  After lunch, I glanced out from the mailbox hole to see if there were any neighbors outside. I am now meeting people, I can only wave with others, can’t talk to them about what happened in the old movie theater, and can’t talk to them about lettuce seedlings. I don’t want to be rude.

  Seeing no one at all, I decided to take the courage to go out and buy a newspaper. I am waiting outside the store to let some customers go ahead. If you don’t have to find money, pay for it, take the newspaper and leave, and maybe someone will not notice me. But God is going to be against me. The money I am taking is not exactly right.

  The guy at the station counter smiled and said hello to me: “The weather is so good.” I gestured and made him look blank. I put my hand on my throat and wanted to tell him that I couldn’t make a sound.

  ”Do you want to throat sugar?” he said. I shook my head and turned to go home.


  My plan has a breakthrough, thanks to pens and notebooks. There is not much left in the house, I have to go to the supermarket. I decided to buy some tea tree mushrooms and come back to make a special dinner.

  I glanced at the door of the mailbox and looked out the door. When I found no one, I quickly went to the streets. When I got to the street, I waved to the newspaper store owner, but he pretended not to see it. Twenty minutes later, I came to a supermarket.

  Turned around, did not find tea tree mushrooms. I found a clerk, wrote “Tea Tree Mushroom” in my notebook and showed it to him, but he could not read my notes.

  I have rewritten it all over again, and this time I added “Thank you” and showed it to him. He finally understood, and then raised his voice, slowly and clearly said to me: “Tea tree mushroom just arrived. I will give you some.”

  There was an old lady next to me who showed me a pity, and I had to smile at her. I really want to tell her, I am fine, I have a girlfriend, nothing is missing. But I have a hard time saying it.


  Yesterday’s dinner was not bad. I chatted with Lucy in a notebook and had a very pleasant conversation. We also talked about going to her mom and dad’s house for dinner on Sunday. Will I still say nothing? I wrote: I still insist on not speaking.

  She went to the next room to call her dad and explained his plan to him. I heard a burst of laughter from the next door.

  Fortunately, it is already Thursday, I have not gone crazy. It’s okay to communicate through notebook writing, and my plan is going smoothly.

  Suddenly, the phone at home rang. Usually, the wired telephones come in are salesmen who want to sell things that are messy, so I don’t care.

  The phone rang again, this time there was a message, my mom called: Can I call her back? Maybe I can wait until next Monday. Later, my mother called again, it sounded urgent. I began to worry, afraid of what happened to her side.

  When Lucy returned home, I hurriedly wrote to her on paper: “Please call my mom, she has been calling me today.”

  Lucy called my mom and explained to my mom. There was another burst of laughter on the phone. It turned out that my mom just wanted to tell me that the store near her house was selling cheap tomato fertilizer and asked if I would buy it?


  I feel that I have a cold, it should be swine flu, but I have never been to Mexico, I have never known anyone who has been to Mexico, and I have not even eaten a Mexican tortilla.

  I thought about whether I should go to the clinic to see a doctor, but then I just bought a cold medicine at the pharmacy. I was holding a notebook that read: “Trouble me a cold medicine.” The clerk asked me if I was dumb and then sold me the throat. I wrote in my notebook, I bet my girlfriend and can’t talk, I plan to show it to the clerk. However, after thinking about it, I will come later, so I dismissed the idea, just pinching my throat and nodding.

  I bought a throat spray, aspirin and cough drops.

  on Saturday

  The silence in the home was silent, and Lucy’s mood began to deteriorate. I guess she can’t stand me like this. In fact, she is indeed fed up, she told me this way. I wrote that it may be tension before the menstrual period. This can cause trouble, she decided not to talk all day, to see that I am not affected. Things are getting worse.

  We don’t talk all day, just write notes on each other. In the evening, the table was full of paper, which wrote a variety of things: “Do you want to put beans on the toast?” “Where did you put the watering can?” “Take the phone!” “You Pick it up yourself!”

  There are more and more paper strips, mostly straight and straight. Fortunately, we ended up with a kiss.


  I have dinner with the Lucy family today. I am afraid that they will make me jokes, or splash me with water, forcing me to speak.

  But everyone is taking care of me, watching me as a child, helping me arrange everything, giving me a dish, and constantly giving me tea, as if I were an eight-year-old child or an 80-year-old man. After dinner, I ran to the game room to play video games, while other adults sipped coffee and chatted. I am playing Halo 3 now and I am already addicted.

  Near home at midnight, my shut-up plan is coming to an end. I began to think about what should I say in the first sentence after a week of silence? Think, think, can’t think of the result, just go outside and buy a few cans of beer. At 10:55, I was drunk, and Lucy fell asleep.

  Clock ticking, ticking. Midnight is here.

  I stood up and danced and said to myself, “Oh, in the middle of the night, it is time to sleep.”