When the danger comes, trust your instincts, not technology

It has been two years since people who care about Zhang Yingying have sent out help information on the Internet. On June 3, the indictment against the defendant Christensen finally opened in Illinois, and on the 24th, the jury found the accused kidnapped and murdered Zhang Yingying. At the beginning of July, the case will enter the stage of sentencing.

The process of Christensen’s crime was revealed a little bit: he pretended to be an undercover policeman on the street, asking a woman in a black shirt to answer a few questions, but the other refused to get on his car. He continued to search and locked Zhang Yingying, who had just missed the bus and rushed to sign the apartment. He proposed to take her for a ride and she got on the bus. He tied Zhang Yingying’s hand and brought it back to his apartment. Finally, he abandoned the body in a place that was unknown.

In recent days, people on the Internet are looking for another protagonist of violence. In the video that was circulated, a woman was beaten to the ground by a man in the road and was finally confirmed to have occurred in Dalian. The police’s briefing revealed that the suspect Wang was in a mood of emotional disputes with his girlfriend. After the drink, he met the victim Wu in the early morning of the 22nd, using violence and forcing him to use it.

Worldwide, it’s not uncommon for violent incidents to make headlines in the media on a calm day. We need police, government, business, and security personnel to protect the safety of individuals. But in the book “The Gift of Fear to You”, American security expert and danger prediction expert Gavin de Becker believes that people can only rely on themselves at the critical moments when the danger is sudden.

In this book, the whole story and repeated by the author is that trusting your instincts, not technology, will protect you from the threat of violence. When you walk into a place or meet a person, if your instincts tell you something is wrong, or feel that the person in front of you is dangerous, then what you should do at this time is to leave quickly. People always feel after the lessons, “I know, I should not do that.” This shows that you have received a signal, but you have chosen to ignore it. This is why people don’t know how to respect intuition.

“Once the intuition is denied, the details we really need to help us make the best predictions are like the life jackets thrown into the sea, and they quickly drift away,” Becker wrote in the book.

Becker gave an example of a customer. When Robert Thompson walked into a convenience store and wanted to buy a few magazines, he suddenly felt inexplicably scared. He immediately went outside the store, although he did not know why, and later he learned that the store had a shooting incident.

The two gradually clarified the details that made Thompson feel scared at the time of the resumption. The clerk just glanced at him quickly as he walked in, and then kept his attention on another customer. “I must have felt the uneasiness and panic on him (the clerk).” The customer wore a piece Thick and fat coat, “It was very hot that day, he was to cover the gun.” Outside the convenience store, he also saw a car without a flame.

When entering the convenience store, Thompson did not respond to these details, he just left the convenience store with intuition. Becker stressed that if you sound the alarm in your heart, it must be a cause. Especially in the face of danger, intuition is absolutely correct in these two aspects: First, intuition must be feedback on certain signs; second, intuition must be heartfelt for your sake.

Don’t deny intuition
It is no longer possible to confirm, at what moment, Zhang Yingying has a dangerous intuition. The woman who refused to go to Christensen’s car before was obviously smelling something. When the heroine of the Wenzhou Yueqing Drip Event discovered that something was wrong, she sent a message to her and her girlfriend’s WeChat group: The baby was afraid, the mountain road that the master opened, there was no car.

Intuition can be polished. If we have enough of the common characteristics of dangerous molecules, always be vigilant, perhaps let the brain signal us at critical moments. Becker puts forward 7 tricks that the dangerous molecules we often encounter are the most loved:

1. Strong pull relationship: Frequent use of “we” is a group-like word, it is difficult for people to reject the enthusiasm from “like”, because it is too inhuman.

2. Swinging “Ecstasy”: friendly and smiling.

3. Stacking details: For example, a perpetrator will mention the story of forgetting to help a friend feed a cat when he talks. The way to resist this trick is to always remind yourself – are the details mentioned mentioned related to the current conversation?

4. “Labeling”: The perpetrators will deliberately label a woman with a slightly criticized label, stimulating her to actively overthrow this evaluation, such as “You don’t bother to communicate with people like me”.

5. “Loan-selling loans”: The perpetrators hope that people can accept their help, which owes them their feelings.

6. Proactive commitment: When someone makes a promise like “I promise you”, it is because he realizes that he has not yet gained your trust. It is like a mirror that reflects the intuition. Hazard information.

7. Ignore refusal: Those who take the initiative to provide help but ignore refusal are the most dangerous people.

From the perspective of a security expert, Becker believes that we must be on the lookout for all those who take the initiative. Even if it proves that the danger does not exist afterwards, we have no loss, but we have received a training to cultivate intuition. Christensen’s performance at the time of meeting two women should also meet several of the above seven tactics.

When intuition reminds us of the dangers around us, it usually comes in the following forms: fidgeting, lingering thoughts, humor, surprise, restlessness, curiosity, sixth sense, foreboding, doubt, hesitation, suspicion, anxiety, fear.

Many of the methodological analysis in the book defaults the victim to being a woman. In 2018, in the “Female Travel Safety Experience Report” released by People’s Daily’s EMI Travel Alliance People’s Network sensation data center, Shenzhou special car, etc., the female travel network lyrics TOP10, “safe” “alone” “robbery” ranks The top three, and “safe” is in the first position. Among all female respondents, 48.6% of women have experienced violence in public spaces.

In a world where violent incidents occur frequently, it may be prudent to slap the romantic train in the movie “Before the Dawn of Dawn”, the heroine starts off with the hero, and a good love begins. The advice of Becker to those women who travel alone is to control their reactions when strangers test. Don’t chat with strangers when you don’t need them; don’t feel guilty of others because of strangers, and be grateful or guilty; don’t always follow what others expect of you; when others think When you want to control you, don’t let your resolve shake; the most important thing is not to deny your instincts.

Meeting is not always dangerous
Many times, violence does not come from strangers, but people in our lives. In the well-known Jiangge case, the perpetrator was the boyfriend of the victim’s roommate. In response to this situation, Becker also provided some advice on how to predict potential violence in life.

A good way to do this is to think about the background, causes, and trends of the event from the perspective of the client. He summarized the process as a JACA assessment, namely legitimacy, alternatives, the consequences of violence, and the ability to commit violence.

On July 3, 2017, in Urbana, Illinois, the US federal court first conducted a court hearing on suspects suspected of kidnapping Zhang Yingying. Local Chinese gathered outside the court to appeal for justice and severe punishment.

Legitimacy means that people who commit violence will find a legitimate reason for their actions. The alternative option means that in addition to resorting to violence, are there other options to achieve the goal? For example, ridicule sarcasm, smear, and court. The cost of violence, can the perpetrators bear? And the actor’s judgment on whether he can successfully commit violence.

In the eighth chapter of the book, Becker also specifically analyzed a group of people, that is, those “cane sugar” that can not be undone. When dealing with such people, people are always cautious. They want to know what actions they can take to stop harassment, and they are afraid that they will go wrong in one step, but they will stimulate the other party and escalate the harassment.

The only principle for dealing with such things is that “comparing with the harassers is the best policy.” “Communication is anger”, as long as there is contact between you and the harasser, whether the contact is happy or depressed, the situation will be further intensified. The only way to get harassed out of life is to not contact him. Every time I contact, I add a new possibility of being harassed.

Think about it carefully. In many violent incidents, the ultimate occurrence of violence occurs in the “final meeting” with the harasser or “speaking once.” For those female victims who are deeply harassed, Becker has devoted a chapter to the dangers of “rumor rejection”.

There are similar scenes in many movies and literary works: the protagonist who pursues the pursuit refuses to give up his sweetheart, appears in various occasions where the other party may appear, creates various surprises, and finally succeeds. In real life, Becker hopes that women can define the boundaries more clearly. “If you encounter an entangled pursuer, please remember: this can only prove that the other party is paranoid and cannot prove that he loves you.”

Men have a lot of chaotic interpretations of the word “no”, so women must learn to express their rejection. For example, if a woman does not respond after receiving 30 text messages from the pursuer, but she does not insist on the end, she still calls back, so no matter what she specifically said, the other party will think this way: the price close to her , just send 30 messages.

To express the rejection clearly and clearly. Don’t send a good person card. Do not explain the reasons, because conditional rejection is not a rejection, but a discussion and exchange. After you express your refusal, please stop all communication. Never show any willingness to communicate, because men will choose to interpret it in the way they expect.

Of course, Becker also suggested that if a person is afraid of everyone he meets all the time, then when he really needs the warning of danger signals, he has already been numb. He also admits that most of the things we worry about in our lifetime will not happen. It is not always dangerous to meet, it may be a good thing. He hopes that people will remain vigilant at all times, but not in the fear of the whole day.

As at the beginning of the book, Becker tells every reader: “We all think that violence and self are still there, are accustomed to paying attention to those big events, and are completely unconscious of the dangers hidden in life… I listed These facts are the hope that people can understand that each of us, or the one we care about, may become a victim at some point. Only by recognizing this, can we get rid of the luck and come to the risk ready.”