01 with friends, keep a glass of water
San Mao once said: “Friends are intimate, and they can’t be lost. They think they are familiar with each other. The result is anti-seismic.” When I was young, I didn’t understand. I felt that my friends should be intimate and wear a pair of pants. So every pair. A friend has a 12-point enthusiasm and can’t wait to be heartbroken. When the relationship is good, you are like a conjoined baby, eating together, shopping together, playing together, going to the bathroom together, telling her all the secrets in her heart, her things are their own business. It didn’t take long before you found out that you only told her about the secrets. She told others at random; if she did not do well, you kindly reminded me that she felt that you interfered with her life; Try to help, when you need help, she pushes three obstacles… In this way, the more you pay, the more disappointment you gain. Looking back now, most of the friends who were inseparable from each other had no contact; but they were friends who were not relatives before and still contacted.
Liang Shiqiu’s “Talking about Friendship” writes: The gentleman’s friendship is as light as water, because it is not so tired, it can last. A good friendship is like a glass of water. It seems to be dull and boring, but it can’t be separated every day. If you add too much honey inside, although you feel delicious at first, you will not be able to stand it for a long time.
02 with the loved one, keep the distance of a bowl of soup
Some people say that the best distance between parents and their children is “the distance between a bowl of soup”. A bowl of soup is sent to the past, and the temperature of the soup is just right. It’s too hot, it’s too cold, and it’s just right.
Many people still live with their parents when they are adults. Although life is convenient, they have also buried many hidden dangers. While enjoying the care of their parents, they disliked their parents; while reaching out to ask their parents for money, they blamed their parents for interfering with their lives. After marriage, this contradiction will become more apparent. Differences in living habits and differences in educational concepts are prone to embarrassment. If they are not handled well, they will become a chicken feather, which will hurt both the parents and the young people. It is not that there is not enough love between parents and children, but that two generations have their own living methods, and no one can change who. Instead of holding on, it is better to let go and learn to keep the distance of “a bowl of soup”. You can meet at any time when you miss, and you will not disturb each other’s life.
Children who are inseparable from their parents will never grow up; parents who cannot leave their children will miss too much happiness in life.
This life is not long. If you have been raising children for the first half of your life, then you must learn to raise yourself in the second half of life. If you have time, do what you like, dance, exercise, read books, raise flowers, and make life more colorful. If you have the opportunity, go out and walk with your wife, and meet with friends to make the world bigger.
The best state of a big family is that the parents have a world of parents, children have children’s lives, love each other, do not interfere with each other; they are independent and often contact each other.
03 with the lover, keep a distance from a piece of paper
Those who fall in love, always hope to stick with the lover all the time, want to know all the secrets in his heart, want to keep zero distance with him. After entering the marriage, I found that even the pillow people who meet every day have things that they don’t want to mention, and they also need their own space. If you squeeze each other’s space, just like a spring, it will often be counterproductive.
I saw on a TV show that a young couple would only have to break up after three months of marriage, but the reason for breaking up was ridiculous. The husband accused his wife of flipping his mobile wallet every day. Every woman who had a chat record with her had to ask each other carefully. One day, she actually called a female colleague of the company and let the female colleague stay away from him. . The husband also said that going home every day feels like going back to prison, and he can’t stand it on such a day.
Couples are of course the most intimate people in the world. In front of their lover, they can talk freely and show their true, most vulnerable and most embarrassing side, but it does not mean that there is no distance. The two people are far apart from each other. The terrible thing is that the heart is not together. The biggest sorrow of marriage is that two people are huddled in the same bed, but they have different dreams.
Liu Ruoying once said: “The best state of husband and wife is that ‘the nest is in the arms of a lover.” She summed up her relationship with her husband: my heart is intimate and life is independent. Their home, the middle kitchen and dining room are common spaces, and the two-story study rooms are separate spaces. When they eat, they are close lovers. At other times, they are partners of mutual respect. He works and communicates in his space. She reads and sings in her space. They have their own hobbies, their own circles, and they don’t bother each other, but they enjoy themselves. Proper distance can not only produce beauty, but also make it more comfortable to get along with, and the feelings become more mellow.