In recent years, many friends around me have been married.
Whenever I see the red books they share in the circle of friends, reading their wedding testimony will always be touched by the desire to “hold the hand and the old man”. However, after talking about life after marriage, I found that many people are very tired:
”He only plays games every day, and when he gets home, he plays with his mobile phone. I am more and more talked with him.”
”She always Let me accompany her, I am already tired of work, why can’t I give me some space to be alone?”
”No matter what I do, he always picks me everywhere, I feel that I have nothing.”
I can’t help but wonder, those marriages last for a long time. How do happy people manage marriage? Until I learned about the story of a pair of “most sweet old couples” in Japan.
In Kasugai City, Japan, there is an idyllic wooden house. In front of the house, there are cherry, strawberry, plum, grapefruit and other fruit trees, including cabbage, eggplant, cucumber, tomatoes and other vegetables. A total of 180 trees, more than 50 kinds of fruits, more than 70 kinds of vegetables… self-sufficiency all year round. And this is the home of 90-year-old Shuichi and 87-year-old Yingzi.
Xiu Yi is a Japanese architect and university professor. Yingzi is an ordinary housewife. After 65 years of marriage, the two had almost no quarrels and red faces, and they also wrote their own life as an essay collection – “Tomorrow is also a small spring day.” They grow vegetables every day, fertilize, dig potatoes, dig bamboo shoots, pick cherries, cook… life is flat and trivial.
Director Fu Yuanjian’s three Gu Mao, was allowed to make their daily life into a documentary – “The Fruit of Life.” He said: “No “excellent” clips were taken during the entire shooting period.
However, in the watercress, nearly 30,000 people scored a high score of 9.6. There is a recurring sentence in the comment area: This is the marriage life I yearn for.
Many people think that their marriage is so happy, there must be a lot in common.
In fact, the two are very different in character. The story of Xiuyi and Yingzi may let you know what the best marital status is.
Xiuyi and Yingzi are totally different in their habits.
Xiuyi loves to eat potatoes, while Yingzi hates eating potatoes. When she heard the potatoes, she was full, but she changed her pattern to make a variety of dishes with potatoes for him to eat; while I loved to eat traditional Japanese breakfast, Yingzi loved Western-style breakfast. So she made two kinds of breakfast every day. I used to eat Japanese-style seaweed rice. She ate Western-style bread and homemade jam. They all ate their favorite breakfast. If they didn’t like to eat vegetables, Yingzi didn’t force him to eat. Instead, they squeezed the fruits and vegetables into juice, and the color taste changed day by day. .
Yingzi said: “The biggest wish of my cooking is to hear him say ‘good’.” Every time I eat a meal made by Yingzi, I will immediately praise: “It’s delicious.” Yingzi responded shyly: “This kind of praise makes me very happy.”
In fact, Yingzi just did not do housework when he got married. The food is not good, but every time I fix it, I will eat it silently and never complain that she will not cook.
Repairing one does not force the British to change their way of life. Doing a good job, like finishing, everything is sorted according to color, size, and placed in a fixed position. The house was clean and neat, and it was well organized. And Yingzi is not careful enough to do things, and his memory is not good. For example, forget to turn off the gas and forget to turn off the tap.
Do not blame her, but will leave a message to remind her. Beside the gas stove, read: “I am driving the gas, don’t forget.” The washing machine said: “Washing clothes, don’t forget.” When the English child sees it, he will know the problem and take the initiative to change it.
Yingzi especially liked to buy all kinds of tableware from a young age. Although he has bought a lot, he can’t help but buy, buy, and collect it next time he likes it. Shuichi always says: buy it.
Yingzi exclaimed: “Study has never interfered with my freedom, what I want to do, what I want to buy, he is by me. This is very difficult.”
They can all do not force each other because they all know each other There are people who are uncomfortable.
But it doesn’t matter, I allow you to have shortcomings and respect your imperfections. We have business and quantity, we can change it, we can’t change it. I understand you and try to adapt to you.
Why do so many people think that marriage is not happy?
Because I always feel that my partner is not perfect. Everyone has a standard of ideal partner.
As mentioned in Intimacy, we fall in love with someone because the motivation behind us to start and maintain a close relationship is to satisfy our unmet needs.
We pursue or attract others to be our partners because we need to accompany, care, understand, support, accept, touch, and sleep. Once we find that our partner can’t satisfy ourselves, we want to “control” our partner through power struggle. , “reconstruct” it into what we expect. In this way, only the ones will become more and more tired and will never be satisfied.
Really, don’t let the “ideal partner” expect you hurt your feelings. We can never marry a perfect person, only in the long and trivial days, when we find the shortcomings of our partner, we do not control the other party, and we do not force the other party to change for ourselves. We respect each other, cooperate with each other, and slowly approach a better life.
As Xiuyi said in the face of the shortcomings of Yingzi: “She is such a person, I know when I marry her.” This is also the “secret” of a couple who never quarreled. Throughout this life, they have been slow and determined to allow each other to be themselves.
We admit that it is very difficult to understand such unconditional understanding, accept your own partner, and manage intimate relationships in reality.
However, love is a kind of ability to learn. In the relationship of mutual tolerance and support, both sides can live their self and become themselves better.
In recent years, many friends around me have been married.