Recently, a family member hurt me deeply. He knew I wouldn’t retaliate and thought I was bullying. Should I retaliate, or should I forgive this person? I don’t want them to step on me anymore. What can I do to make myself less painful? Harbin: Yu Jiang
There is an old saying in China that “there is no gentleman with revenge”, and another sentence is “when is the report of injustice?” From this we can see that it is really difficult to choose revenge or forgiveness. But psychological research gives the answer, “Forgive others, save yourself.” It is not an empty “Quan Xin Wan”, but a real health secret.
Revenge doesn’t really make you “cool”
Although revenge may make you feel good at the moment, it will also hurt and irritate each other, which will further worsen your relationship. Psychologists say compassion is better because you become a better self. You will become more mature and gain more respect from others.
Your anger or fear is triggered by a story in your mind (such as: “They’re too much!”). Don’t stay in this story and see if you can let go of the self-centered story. Expand your perspective and ask yourself: What is the most compassionate thing you can do for each other? Should you talk to them calmly? Should the relationship be ended in order to avoid hurting each other? Should third party involvement be required? There are many possible solutions, and you should try to think of solutions that are based on compassion rather than anger or fear. Of course, being silent while being hurt is not a sympathetic act. You can express your concerns clearly and mildly, or you can draw a clear line with the other person.
Unwilling to forgive is bad for myself
Forgiveness is a difficult area for everyone. But what we must know is that forgiveness allows us to open our hearts to love ourselves more. Many people “sit into the cage of self-righteous resentment.” He is not wrong, but he is not happy.
Being unwilling to forgive is a terrible thing to yourself, and the feeling of anger is like swallowing a spoonful of poison every day, which can hurt you over time. One of the most important spiritual lessons you can learn is to understand that the event you are holding on to is over—maybe it is over. Choose to eliminate all negative, destructive, and fearful concepts and ideas from your mind and life, and stop listening and being part of harmful thoughts or conversations, and no one can hurt you. Let go of the past and work hard to love yourself now. Forgiveness is rarely for others, but for yourself.
Forgive mirror exercise
Step 1: Sit in front of the mirror and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths.
Step 2: Think of those who have hurt you and let them pass your mind. Now, open your eyes and start talking to one of them-say aloud, “I forgive you. I will set you free.” Take another deep breath, and then say, “You are free, and I am free.”
Step 3: Pay attention to your feelings. You may feel resisted or relieved. If you feel resistance, just take a deep breath and say this affirmative sentence: “I am willing to release all resistance.”
Step 4: As you continue to practice, you can gradually increase your forgiveness. Remember: forgiveness is not an event, but a process.
Sometimes forgiveness is like peeling onions. If there are too many layers, put onions for a day or two. You can come back and peel back at any time. Thank you, thank you for your willingness to do this exercise. You are getting better.