Young you

  In fact, it has been a long time since I dreamed of a boy I liked when I was seventeen.
  
   1
  After the age of 21, the life wheel began to shift to high gear. Research, internship, searching for possibilities in a variety of life options, lack of feelings and barrenness, mentality stuck like a puddle of cement. Those who are busy living have no time to be tempted by the opposite sex.
  But inexplicably, I recently started to frequently think of people who hoped for countless times in their youth.
  Upright boy with a small tiger tooth, wearing a large jersey, silent for three seconds after the bell rang, he would cheekyly appear holding a basketball in front of the classroom and shouting a report.
  So I unconsciously developed a habit of seconds, and secretly re-engraved the process over and over again-the end of ten minutes of class, the laughter of 17-year-old young children fell into silence, wearing three centimeter heel shoes female teacher Push open the door and stand at the podium.
   2
  ”Three, two, one.” He wore a jersey with a wet front, and stood at the door smiling brightly.
  The heartbeat of my whole youth was deafening in these three seconds, echoing repeatedly.
  I later thought that probably the most concentrated heart and love in my life, I ran out at the age of seventeen. The love solicited or obtained in all intimate relationships after the age of 17 is an imitation and lineage of that large heartbeat.
  A sentence was popular a few years ago, saying that when you are young, do n’t meet too amazing people, otherwise he will become your cinnabar mole and white moonlight, and everyone you meet in the future will be unconsciously compared with him , And you can only remember it in repeated loss.
  I once believed in this set of rhetoric. Until after a few years of going around, the 17-year-old boy stood in front of me and said that he liked me for a long time.
  This is a scene I have imagined countless times. I thought that in such a picture, I might have tears in my eyes, I could cry with joy, and I could be grateful-no matter what, this should be a moment worth jumping for.
  but I do not have.
  As he stared at me with hot eyes, I started to scorch.
  I consider the distance from different places, whether I can adapt to intimacy for a long time, whether I am alone, the interests and personalities of both parties, or even the consumption habits, the material gap, and when the complex emotions are coming, I am suddenly shocked: I seem to have already I like him so much.
  The thing I want to get, I do n’t know when it can be dismissed by a lot of objective factors, and it has become something that can be let go.
  I remember the year I ended my first love, and wept loudly at my familiar sister’s house. I accused each other of cheating, and said with tears and ruthless words that I would never have a dime with him again in this life. After crying, I asked my sister what to do. Ah, I don’t think I’ll ever like anyone else again.
  My sister gently helped me to take a paper towel, and said that it doesn’t matter, even if you are crying, you may suffer a lot in love in the future, but no one will be more engraved than when you first experienced it. But what I can tell you is that you will grow up slowly, and you will fall in love with many people, you will understand little by little that love and hate are not such extreme things.
  Three and
  two years later, the boy and I who had sworn “I will never have a dime with him again” added WeChat, and the other party sincerely apologized and asked me humblely to return to him, but this time I was in love At the moment when the scene that I painted many times really appeared, I did n’t even have a little bit of revenge, and some were just calm.
  I told him, sorry, I seem to have grown up slowly.
  I have been walking forward, the old eager desire, the resentment and the anger, the past grasping what the liver wants, the people who want to stand together, all these are left behind by me.
  No one will stand there forever.
  After being confessed by Xiao Huya, I thought for a long time, searching for images about him in my head.
  What do I like about him, do I like his smile, or the tone of his speech, or if he looks at me with or without his eyes, or, I just pinned his 17-year-old strong affection. It was only on him.
  I didn’t figure out the answer.
  Later, I saw a word in the Japanese tea ceremony called one period and one meeting, which refers to the person who performs the tea ceremony with the “rare side, the world cherishes” in the heart to sincerely treat everyone who comes to tea. Because people may only be able to meet the other person once in their lifetime, resulting in a coincidental relationship, they should treat each other in the best way.
  I prefer to understand it as, in my life, there is only one strong desire for one thing, one person.
  At 17 years old, the person who had a nightmare will see politely saying hello when he is 20 years old. The person who is 20 years old is so painful and distressed. 25 thought that he would laugh at him when he was really quite Qiong Yao.
  That’s why Milan Kundera says life is unbearable.
  Desire will dissipate, pain will have limits, treasures will become powder, lovers will become strangers. The magnificent and magnificent scenes of life, one after another, will turn into mirrors and flowers.
  The moment when you can really enjoy your wish and fulfillment is only the period of eagerness to get it. Any late wish fulfillment has lost its meaning.
  Thinking of the scenes I dreamed of in the previous days, it was still in high school, during class exercises, Xiao Huya picked up a basketball and ran downstairs, and his clothes were blowing up the hunting wind. At the age of 17, I stood on the steps and shouted to him to stop, He stuttered: “xxx, I like you for a long time, if we can, can we start with friends first?”
  He laughed and said, okay, then come over and stand with me.
  I walked towards him step by step in my dream and told myself as I walked:
  ”Look, how good it was to be brave like this.”