Education deep into one’s bones has a sense of boundary.

“Education, like wealth, requires evidence.” In my opinion, the best evidence of upbringing is a clear sense of “border”. The sense of boundary refers to being able to distinguish clearly between one’s own subject and others. People with a sense of boundary will not force others to share their emotions and things, will not be too enthusiastic, will not interfere in other people’s lives without restraint, and will not force others to share their interests. The joys and sorrows are only related to yourself.
Everyone must have met this type of person many times in their life: regardless of the occasion, as long as they talk, they focus on their own affairs, from children to lovers to work. The joys and sorrows, trivial, they say seems endless. In addition, it has become a circle of friends in public places, as well as children, lovers, handbags, watches … They bombard all the people around them with their own affairs. How do people feel around you? There is no doubt that it is a sense of “to endure which cannot be tolerated”.
Why are these people like this? Because they never knew that there was a clear “boundary” between themselves and others. You are you, I am me. Your business is your own. Your emotions are just your emotions. It is of course you who should bear the burden of things and emotions. Others have no obligation to take time to listen. If others are willing to understand, you can say it again. This is sharing. If you don’t care whether others like it or not, just pour it out yourself, it is definitely a burden to others. Knowing to be responsible for one’s own affairs and emotions is the beginning of one’s upbringing.
Excessive enthusiasm and violation of other people’s boundaries are not a kind of kindness, but a manifestation of lack of education. Taking oneself as an outsider is the best upbringing. Although Zhang Ailing had good relations with Song Qi and his wife, Xia Zhiqing, etc. in her later years, she always had a sense of boundary. Many people said she was lofty. In fact, it is not a question of being lofty or not. This is the bottom line that Zhang Ailing should abide by, the bottom line of personality, and the bottom line of self-esteem. She had to support herself on the payment of her manuscript, and her income was not enough. When she was down and out, she only lived on half a cake and coffee a day, and she would not bother her friends or borrow money. Zhang Ailing’s sense of boundary is very clear. She likes two things. If others treat her well, she will definitely return it.
And there is a kind of person, called “never take yourself as an outsider”. We often see some people borrow money from friends: “You are so rich and we have such a good relationship. Do you care about borrowing some money?” It’s not that people care, it’s that you really don’t regard yourself as an outsider. Friends are rich and have good relations with you. Neither of them should be the reason why you can freely open your mouth to borrow money or take advantage of others. The combination of the two will not be the same.
Learn to treat yourself as an outsider, others have no obligation to share our interests. Understanding the boundaries between people and being able to take full responsibility for oneself is a compulsory course for adults. Different people have different boundary distances. Educated people must have a strong sense of boundary and know how to respect the boundary between others and themselves. How to grasp the distance of the boundary? We must understand the basic boundaries of others as accurately as possible. People with different personalities have different boundaries. For example, for extroverted people, their sense of boundary is relatively weak, while for introverted people, their sense of boundary is relatively stronger. In the process of communicating with others, we should also determine how to handle the situation according to our character.
Writer Zhou Guoping said that all contacts have a final limit that cannot be exceeded, and all troubles and conflicts stem from the desire to break through this limit. Don’t encroach on other people’s borders, also be wary of those who disturb your personal boundaries on the grounds of good relations and feelings, and reject those who infringe on your personal borders. In interpersonal relationships, respecting others and maintaining each other’s boundaries are the best upbringing for us adults.