Recently I was reading “The Book of Fu Lei”, and one of the details impressed me. When Fu Lei wrote to his son Fu Cong, he asked if he had time to talk to his wife, and cited his own example. Fu Lei said: “I’m busy anyway, if I don’t talk to your mother for a quarter of an hour and ten minutes in a day, it’s like I missed some homework.” Being able to talk to your partner, to care for each other, to promote each other, such a relationship , Really came from a previous life. I thought that in addition to being soul mates with each other, you also need to have high cultural accomplishment and deep love to do it.
I know a foreigner couple. The husband is a university professor and the wife is a full-time wife. They are usually busy, but there is a fixed time for couples on weekends. Every time I see them, I can feel their high level of understanding. It is rare that they still maintain their own personalities, and do not change their own views of the world at will because of smooth communication. A good conversation is originally meant to give each other a right to speak. Gentlemen are different, especially for couples.
I admire this kind of “advanced” life, but I know that talking to the other half, foreigners may be easier to implement than us. Their family structure is simple, and there will be no complicated relationship between mother-in-law and wife-in-law, let alone aunt-in-law. If the Chinese family talks about it, they might pull out a bunch of vines, it is easy to calculate the general ledger, and they end up unhappy. To calm down, many friends choose silence as gold in family life.
In addition, talking to the other half is easy in love. When in love, there is almost nothing to talk about. Although the person who said it said, the person who listens will also have a pair of good ears. But after entering a marriage, the burden of tedious housework and children’s education often deformed life, and chatting sometimes became a fuse for quarrels. If one party asks to sit down and talk, most of them will be frowning, and they will not be relieved without scolding the other party; or they will have to solve the problem with great enthusiasm. More often than not, both sides are exhausted and silent, relatively silent. The most accurate description of the relationship between modern couples is nothing but “cohabiting roommates”: money and flowers, housing and living, and meals and food. It is already difficult to speak well, and it is often extravagant to talk.
My husband and I are the same. After having two children, he rarely talks with the wind and drizzle, either speechless, or thunder and thunder, often speaking indifferently, sweeping the floor every time. Fortunately, my new workplace is close to my husband and I can have lunch together at noon every day. It takes tens of minutes to walk back and forth, and you can’t be speechless all the way. I suddenly found that I could talk to him. Although there was also an embarrassment to walk away without saying a word, most of the time it was still warm and quiet.
At the beginning, we talked about what to eat at noon; later, we talked about the work in the unit and the children’s homework; and then later, we started talking about the current affairs news. No sweet words, no mountain alliance vows, just talking about anything. When talking about the sky, the other half seems to be a mirror, because it is too familiar to disguise, and as a result, your heart is like a mirror.
Fu Lei believes that daily chatting is the best way to nurture people. I think this is also the best way to cultivate the relationship between husband and wife.
It is gratifying that when people reach middle age, more and more friends can enjoy talking with the other half. A friend said that she and her husband talked about the people and things around them, and talked about history and geography. Now they have reached the basic synchronization of their thoughts, but recently the two have different political views. In fact, there is no need to force unity, otherwise it will be easy to die.
It turns out that “advanced” life does not have any advanced skills, but one is willing to say, one is willing to listen; one is willing to be tolerant and one is willing to forgive.