When he sees a colleague, he doesn’t even say hello. This person must be indifferent and ignorant; that person doesn’t seem to talk and always eats alone. He must be very withdrawn; look at that girl and dress well. Exposure and smoking, her life style must be very open… Our brains always make judgments about the outside world based on our existing experience and knowledge. In interpersonal communication or when dealing with problems, we will quickly use this “black and white” inertial thinking to analyze and reason about everything around us, rather than seriously considering other possibilities.
Although this kind of opposing thinking allows us to make quick decisions about the outside world, it can also be self-defeating.
The child made a mistake in a very simple question in the exam, and tremblingly told his parents that he did not do well in the exam, and gave the exam paper to his mother. After reading it, my mother was very angry, and blamed the child for doing something wrong with such a simple question. It was so stupid. This mother only saw that the child made a low-level mistake, but did not realize how precious the child’s honest quality is. Besides, mothers may not know that their children’s grades are among the best in the class.
Whether in work, study, or social interaction, these thinking errors are inevitable and not terrible. But the scary thing is that we are controlled by the emotions it generates.
Emotions are the result of our own interaction with the outside world. External things will be evaluated by us to produce different emotional experiences, and then take the behavior of “fight or flee” according to the specific situation. Emotions are not good or bad, good or bad completely depends on our understanding of it. For example, a couple of lovers are walking on a forest path, and a sturdy man jumps out of the forest. They were frightened and frightened, thinking that they had encountered the robbers and were ready to run away or fight with each other at any time. Then I took a closer look and found that it was the neighbor Da Li next door. So they relaxed, because they assessed that the current situation is no longer a threat to them.
It’s time to get a new understanding of emotions, especially negative emotions (sadness, fear, anxiety, depression, etc.).
When things or people from the outside world cannot meet our needs or desires, negative emotions will arise. Psychological research has found that our negative emotions will hinder our current tasks, which will narrow our attention span, reduce work efficiency, creativity, and flexibility in thinking or action. If we are in a state of negative emotions for a long time, our immunity will be reduced, and we will get sick very easily. For example, if an individual is in an environment of anxiety and stress for a long time, the risk of developing cardiovascular disease will increase.
This is the destructive power of negative emotions. But from the perspective of biological evolution, negative emotions have their own adaptive significance. It will focus our attention on external threatening events, thereby mobilizing our whole body resources to deal with external adverse factors, so that we can better adapt to the external environment. In other words, when we experience bad emotions in life, it shows that emotions are reminding us that we need to make some changes to regulate our behavior and mental state.
When we experience stress and anxiety at work, this is to remind us that our current state is not enough to deal with the problems at work, and we need to stop and analyze the current situation. Whether it is due to insufficient skills or a problem with working methods, we will take corresponding measures to solve the problem. When we are angry, it is telling us that something is preventing our goal from being achieved, and we must quickly figure it out. When we are sad, it is telling us that it is sad to lose what is important to us, so we should cherish those that have not been lost.
Therefore, when we encounter those negative emotions that are painful, depressing, anxious, and irritable, we should stop and talk to them, ask them to sit in their hearts and say: Oh! You are here to tell me that I should pay attention to my state, and it should arouse my attention! Thank you for telling me.
The acceptance of negative emotions means that we have taken another step forward on the road to maturity, and we are closer to solving problems. Blindly rejecting one’s own emotions, emotions will also have a “temper”. Once you lose control of your emotions, you will not only be injured, but also the people around you.