Dutch artist LeonKeer’s 3D artwork on the streets of Bulgaria. Just like looking at the story of Snow White from Adler’s psychology, when we look at the same question from different perspectives, we sometimes get different answers.
There are two fathers like this, one beats and scolds his children at every turn, the other takes good care of their children. Why are there such two completely different images of fathers? People may say this: It should be the child of the violent father who is too disobedient; it may be that the kind father is well-educated; it must be that the violent father had an unfortunate childhood; it may also be a genetic problem Well, genetic factors have created such a gap. All of this sounds reasonable, but the two fathers are actually twin brothers from the same family. The two grew up in the same family and received the same education, and the twins’ genetics would not appear as big. difference. So, where is the reason?
Later, after understanding, both fathers grew up in a domestic violence environment, and their fathers often used violence against them. That irritable father, because of such a childhood, he felt that his family was not a place full of happiness, and all the hardships he had endured should not be borne by him alone. He has been imitating his father’s behavior and creating a situation similar to his childhood. He is no longer the child who is in a disadvantaged position and can only be passively beaten. Instead, he has become the master of the father-son relationship. The person who seems to have dignity and status. In this way, he hopes to get rid of the inferiority complex of childhood. That kind father didn’t treat his child in the same way as his father, because when his child was born, the first time he saw the child laughed by him, he felt a sense of superiority. The child’s smile made him realize that letting the child get love also makes him feel satisfied. The inferiority complex caused by his father’s beating and scolding in his childhood was gradually healed. He began to understand that letting his children be happy would also make him surpass.
Overcome low self-esteem and gain happiness
This is a case of using Adler psychology to analyze personality. Adler psychology is also called individual psychology. Adler, Freud, and Jung are the three founders of psychology. These three psychologists have all explained the driving force of personality development. Adler’s theory is inferiority and transcendence, the driving force of personality. It comes from getting rid of inferiority complex and seeking transcendence. From the above case we can see that these two fathers have a sense of inferiority, and they are both affected by their childhood experiences. The difference in their personalities in later life is because of the different ways they transcend their own inner inferiority complex. Adler believes that as long as people are alive, they must have a sense of inferiority. It can be said that Adler’s creed is: We are all born with inferiority. Speaking of this, someone may immediately stand up and say that I am talented and intelligent. Adler believes that inferiority is inherent in people. Imagine that if you were placed on an isolated island on a thunder and lightning night, you must have a sense of fear in your heart, and this sense of fear stems from low self-esteem.
Since we appeared on the earth as human beings, low self-esteem has been produced. Compared with the animals on the earth, we don’t have thick fur, hard armor, and strong physique. Whether we face nature or those fierce animals, we seem helpless, so we have a sense of inferiority. However, it is precisely because of this inferiority complex that human civilization can progress. We try our best to overcome our inferiority complex: if our personal strength is weak, then cooperate with others; if we can’t resist the impact of the natural environment, then build a house; if we are afraid of being attacked by ferocious animals, then we will make weapons; we cannot To obtain stable food, create traps to hunt, raise livestock, and grow food. These behaviors must be achieved through cooperation with others. Cooperation with others and altruism are also important ways to go beyond inferiority and achieve happiness in Adler’s opinion. Inferiority is not negative in Adler’s eyes. On the contrary, if you want to transcend in life, the motivation comes from overcoming inferiority. It is precisely because of the feeling of inferiority that we will continue to overcome inferiority. Only in the process of overcoming inferiority will we develop and have happiness. In the face of inferiority complex, there are many different attitudes and methods.
Adler once cited such an example: Three children went to the zoo to see a lion. The first child saw the lion and immediately hid behind his mother; the second child saw the lion and immediately stood there blankly. , And tremblingly said: Mom, I want to go home; the third child made a ferocious look to the lion and asked his mother: Can I spit on it? The behaviors of these three children are different, but the behaviors of the three children are all manifestations of inferiority. Even the brave child, because he has a sense of inferiority in the face of the lion, wants to spit to prove that he is better than the lion. Looking back at the story at the beginning, the two fathers treated inferiority in a different way, creating two completely different images of fathers. And this also explains why it is also a physical disability. Some people can overcome their inferiority complex through continuous efforts and succeed in other aspects, and finally achieve success; while others think that they cannot cope, no matter what they do. The problem of disability will not be solved. This is not a sense of inferiority, but an inferiority complex, which does not bring transcendence to life.
This also involves an important content in Adler’s psychology-teleology. To put it simply, all of a person’s behavior comes from his inner purpose, which is embodied in his speech, behavior, opinions, attitudes, personality and ambitions. Adler believes that if you can understand a person’s mind The ultimate goal, then you will understand all his actions. In other words, if you understand a person’s purpose in life, then you can understand all his actions. For example, a person has been hurt in interpersonal communication, and since then he is no longer willing to communicate with others, and has a dislike for human society. If it is explained from the causal theory, the reason why this person has a world-weary attitude is because he has been hurt. But teleology believes that his attitude is because his purpose is to avoid communicating with people and avoiding social relations, but people tend to admit causality so that they can find reasons for their avoidance.
Try topic separation
Alfred Adler is a pioneer of humanistic psychology and the founder of individual psychology. He followed Freud to discuss neurosis, but he was also the first psychoanalytic school to oppose Freud’s psychology. Psychologist of the academic system.
In the book “The Courage to Be Disgusted” about Adler’s psychology, there is a sentence that summarizes the source of life’s troubles-all troubles come from interpersonal relationships. How to explain it, that is to say that people are troubled because we live in an interpersonal society, and everyone gets different things. The concepts of more and less, good and bad are born in the interpersonal society. For example, many people’s pain in childhood comes from the legendary “child next door.” The child next door is better than you in everything. In fact, in some respects, your parents’ pain also comes from the child next door, because the excellence of that child makes your parents feel that their education has lost to the parent next door. If you and your parents only focus on yourself and not the home next door, then your worries will naturally disappear-parents pay more attention to the improvement of their own educational ability, and the child pays attention to how the current self is better than the previous self, or Where do you have talent, then your troubles will be solved. The relationship between parents and children is also a kind of interpersonal relationship. If parents want to control their children and let them develop according to their own path, they will inevitably have conflicts with their children.
One way to solve this problem is to separate topics. Everyone has their own life issues, and the same thing involves different people, and it is also possible to separate their own issues. There is such a couple. The wife is a housewife and is responsible for the internal affairs of the family. The husband is doing business abroad to provide financial support to the family. Suddenly one day the husband went bankrupt and could no longer support the expenses of the family, and even carried heavy debts. As a result, the couple often quarreled. The wife kept complaining about her husband’s failure in business, and the husband complained about his wife’s lack of financial income. How to solve this problem through subject separation? In fact, complaining is not conducive to solving the problem, and it is impossible to change the other party through complaining and accusations. We have to see what decision each person can make to change this situation. The question for wives is whether to choose to divorce and reopen their lives with their husbands, or to continue living with them through this difficult period together? The same goes for the husband. But everyone can’t interfere with other people’s issues. You can only accept other people’s choices. You accept it from the bottom of your heart and don’t cling to things you can’t change. Subject separation can actually solve most of the problems that arise in life. If everyone only pays attention to their own subjects and does not interfere with others’ subjects, the frustration caused by trying to control others without fail will be reduced or even disappeared.
Read “Snow White” again
The story of Snow White is well-known to everyone. Let’s take a look at this story from the perspective of Adler’s psychology. The proud and arrogant and vicious queen asks the magic mirror “Who is the most beautiful woman in the world” every day. The reason is her inferiority. The queen is very inferior to her appearance. And her way of facing inferiority complex is to confirm whether she is the most beautiful woman in the world through the magic mirror telling the truth. Her method cannot achieve self-transcendence. Her mood will always be affected by what the magic mirror says. If the magic mirror says she is the most beautiful, she will get short-term satisfaction; on the next day, the satisfaction will continue to be from the magic mirror. Asked in the words of the mirror.
When Snow White grows up, the magic mirror mentions Snow White’s unparalleled beauty, and the queen will kill this beautiful princess. The queen’s troubles come from interpersonal relationships. She has been comparing with others, and comparison will definitely produce troubles. The queen’s goal in life is to surpass in comparison with others, so she has been unable to achieve happiness, and has been trying all her life to get rid of people who are better than herself. The queen has lived in a hell called “others” all her life. And Snow White, who lives in a dwarf’s house, has no social experience and knows no sinners. Although the dwarf warned her not to trust strangers, she was deceived three times. Why?
From a teleological point of view, Snow White has always lived in the dwarf’s house. She has always been in an unstable environment and has no sense of security. Her goal in life is to gain recognition and acceptance by pleasing others, thereby maintaining her stable life. Therefore, when Snow White faced the Queen’s witch pretending to be a witch, she could not refuse, and it was not surprising that she was repeatedly deceived. The dwarf in the story is a person who achieves transcendence from low self-esteem. First of all, dwarves live in the mountains. They can’t survive on the strength of one person alone. They must help each other, consider others, and work hard for the collective in their long-term lives, so that they can build houses and get enough food. , Cooperation must be the theme of their long-term life. Secondly, we all know that the dwarf’s appearance must be a bit “sorry”. When they see such a perfect Snow White, they do not feel jealous and have an inferiority complex, but sincerely appreciate her beauty. In the end, they did not force Snow White to keep her because of her beauty, nor did they furiously drive her out because Snow White messed up their home. Instead, they agreed with Snow White that she was the only one to do some housework in the house. In order to let her live here. The dwarfs realized the separation of subjects, they made their decisions, and let Snow White make their own decisions, and everyone was responsible for their own decisions. The dwarves are different from the queen, they live in a paradise called “others”. Others are hell, and others are also heaven. Two “others” have different meanings. The hell of “others” is because of comparison, and the paradise of “others” comes from cooperation.
You can support or oppose Adler’s psychology, but it does provide us with a new perspective on life. When we find that the life problems in front of us are unsolvable, we might as well think from this new perspective. Maybe it can open up a new world.