Light and joyful music is playing in the car, and the sun is shining outside the car, and my mood is also particularly comfortable. Daughter Lily rarely stays at home for a few days, and we are going to have lunch together. While waiting for the red light, a lady in gardening clothes hurriedly walked across the sidewalk with a dog. Seeing her somewhat sloppy dress, I casually said, “Are all her other clothes washed, how can she dress like this? Look at her tousled hair!”
Lily did not speak.
“The master looks like her dog…” I continued nagging. The dog is huge and ugly.
Lily remained silent. I turned my head and glanced at Lily. She didn’t look down at her phone, but looked straight ahead, the car was silent. After a long time, Lily suddenly said: “I’m sure that dog must be very friendly. The lady probably didn’t have time to change clothes because she came out to buy bread temporarily, and her hair was fluffy and thick, and she was very beautiful.”
I was a little surprised when I heard Lily’s words. It was obvious that she was tactfully refuting my point of view. But then I thought about it, the facts may be as my daughter said. I just rely on the first sight to judge others baselessly, which is indeed biased. In fact, think about it carefully, for a hard-working and busy gardening lady, her dress is the most authentic and lovely, and she is accompanied by a loyal dog. I looked at my daughter’s gentle face again, and for a moment I felt that I should be as friendly, tolerant, and understanding as her.
This little incident made me suddenly realize that, in fact, I often wear colored glasses to see others, especially for strangers who appear in my field of vision. I am always picky and questioning more than trust. This is completely different from my self-perception. I have always considered myself positive, optimistic and friendly to others. I asked Lily if I thought I was picky. Her true feelings were beyond my expectation: “You are kind to family and friends, but you are always harsh and distanced to strangers. You should try to change. ”
I know she is right. I discovered the concept of “downward comparison” on the Internet, that is, people will unconsciously compare themselves with people who are inferior to their own situation or ability, and they are usually strangers, so that they can find a kind of “balance” in their hearts. Feeling”, temporarily forget about worries or low self-esteem. In this way, I am also among this kind of people.
So, how can I try to change all of this? The solution is to change one’s own way of thinking and attitude towards others. However, the old problems are deep-rooted and difficult to eliminate in a short period of time. Fortunately, I have not given up on my efforts. When taking a bus, a bloated lady squeezed past me. I glanced at her a bit unhappily, but saw her smile apologetically, which instantly dispelled my grievances, and I felt from this The warm kindness and closeness of strangers…Slowly, I began to show my smile to strangers without hesitation, and always received friendly responses from them. This feeling is magical, wonderful and warm, just like opening a door to a new landscape.
People get along in two ways. The eyes of others are like a mirror, which can clearly see one’s friendliness and tolerance, or arrogance and prejudice. For anyone, we might as well let go of the prejudice at first sight and start with a smile.