Intimacy also needs boundaries

  Every life longs for Consummation, so different people will attract each other.
  All kinds of intimacy, such as love and friendship, are born from this. On how to deal with intimacy? More than one person told me: trust. It is to give yourself to the other party unconditionally.
  Speaking of “give yourself to the other side unconditionally”, I think of an experiment done by a performance artist.
  In 1983, American artist Xie Deqing made a performance art work called “Rope”. He tied himself with the artist Linda Motano with an 8-foot rope. One end of the rope tied Xie Deqing’s waist and the other end was Linda’s waist. The two of them were inseparable, eating together and sleeping. Being together, taking a bath, going to the bathroom, watching movies, walking, walking the dog, meeting friends, accepting interviews are all together… a whole year, day and night. In this inseparable year, they have witnessed the differences in each other’s character, behavior, and even the insignificance and ugliness of human nature. It wasn’t until the Independence Day of the United States on July 4, 1984, that they untied this rope full of fetters and restraints. On the day when the rope was untied, the common emotion of this pair was: I never want to see each other again in my life!
  The destructive effects of such absolute exposure on interpersonal relationships will be deeply understood by those who have personally experienced it.
  Privacy is a person’s security boundary.
  Once the intimacy crosses this boundary, your full-hearted love and trust will suddenly deteriorate, turning into an attack and control in the other party’s psychology. What the other person feels from it is not joy, happiness, but depression, embarrassment or even anger.
  Because no one wants to be controlled, especially for a long time.
  Many people don’t realize that trust is also a kind of control in disguise. The conversion of trust into dependence, or mixed with dependence, is enough to overwhelm the trusted person.
  Therefore, when you trust enough to give yourself to the other party unconditionally, you have become a human burden of more than a hundred catties, and it will only be a matter of time
  before being thrown away… No matter how close the relationship is, you can’t lose the safety boundary. Once the boundary is lost, the relationship between two people becomes a symbiotic relationship of “you are there, I am”.
  Without you, my world would collapse. In this relationship, the other party not only bears his own needs and will, but also bears all your needs and will. To be any normal person, I want to escape.
  I have heard many women complain: Why do I love him so much and give everything for him, but he still doesn’t appreciate it? !
  The reason is simple. Abandonment is a trauma, and being swallowed and forcibly changed is also a trauma. He is unwilling to be swallowed up by your love, unwilling to be forcibly changed by you.
  Why does love become a burden, because you have to give yourself to the other person unconditionally, and your dependence on him is boundless; why does love become a shackle? Because you ask the other party to hand over yourself unconditionally, your control over him is boundless and boundless.
  No matter how loving your partners are, when you become one and hand over yourself unconditionally to each other, what you are heading together is definitely not the paradise of love, but the prison of each other’s imprisonment.
  ”You are so kind, so good that
  it is useless.” This is our acrimonious evaluation of some good old people in life.
  As long as the breakthrough is moderate, even if it is “good”, it becomes a shortcoming, not to mention other things.
  Bundling is like sulfuric acid, which erodes the distance from each other while also eroding the elasticity of the relationship and the vitality of both parties. Without privacy and secrets, people will not have dignity and charm.
  Therefore, whether intimacy is candy or sulfuric acid depends on how you grasp the distance and respect boundaries.