I have a brother who suddenly lost his favorite in his life when he reached middle age. He was very painful and extremely depressed. He drank wine for more than a month, described as haggard, haggard, and heart as gray as death. He said that he now compares fate to congestion, treats frustration as illness, and pays off sorrowful debts. That’s it, feeling bored, dazed, feverish, crying sighs, and brewing terminal illness in pain.
I told him that loss is an art, and if you master this art, you will no longer suffer. Then I wrote the Ten Commandments about loss for him.
The first commandment: Don’t go to her house and pester. It’s very ugly and ugly. A good relationship, don’t end in dignity.
The second commandment: don’t make up your mind. The pain mainly comes from brain replenishment. Imagine the various scenes where she is with him, and you will be unbearable in pain. But you have to understand that it is her new life and it has nothing to do with you. You must understand that you no longer own her in the sense of a lover.
The third commandment: Don’t be jealous. No more brain supplement, you can eliminate jealousy to a certain extent. But only from her point of view can jealousy be completely eliminated. That is her choice and her happiness. You have no reason to be jealous. And jealousy will only make the soul as terrible as a burning abyss.
The fourth commandment: don’t resent. I think she can, but blame her for not. She didn’t betray you, she just gave up on you. Giving up on you is her freedom. There is nothing to be sorry for you. You can’t resent her for her freedom, just like you can’t resent a flower that blooms in spring, a white cloud that rises on the top of a mountain, and a morning glow that appears in the sky. .
The fifth commandment: don’t be depressed. A sad spirit dries up the bones. You can no longer be depressed, you must cheer up, get into work as soon as possible, and start a new life brightly and positively.
The sixth commandment: Don’t drink alcohol. Drinking will release the animality of people and aggravate people’s suffering. Alcohol does not relieve pain, nor can it relieve worries. Alcoholism will only make the farewell longer. There is a saying in Chandler’s “Long Farewell”: Farewell is a little bit of death. Yes, to say goodbye to the one you love is to die a little bit every day, and alcoholism will lengthen the process of death and increase the pain. If you want to live to death as soon as possible, you can no longer drink alcohol. Only after you are completely calm, can you drink more. It’s okay to get drunk by then, and it’s okay to get drunk and fall off the horse. Flowers and sand will catch you.
Seventh commandment: Don’t indulge. When you said that it was the most painful, you also wanted to go to find a messy woman, but still did not go, because you felt that it would only be more painful and dirty. You are right, indulgence can only make people more empty, and empty people have no power to master the lost art.
The eighth commandment: Don’t fantasize. Give up all the illusions that she will come back. When you have to leave a person, someone you have loved and buried all of your past, no matter how you leave, don’t leave slowly, but do your best to decide. To leave, never look back, and never believe that the past is better because they are dead.
The ninth commandment: don’t despair. Don’t fantasize, don’t despair, stick to your beliefs, and live. You have so many beautiful pasts, and your respective futures still have unlimited possibilities. What reason do you have for despair?
The tenth commandment: don’t forget. Proust said something that is very touching and suitable for you now: When a person can’t have it, the only thing he can do is not to forget. He also said another paragraph, which is equally touching: Even if life separates us, it cannot make us forget the good times. It will always be precious.