“Attacked” by roommate, what should do

Little girl A said that she was always “attacked” on Weibo. No matter what she posted, someone would always say badly: “Do you think you are a fairy?” “Brain disability!”… Then she knew that it was because She refused to share the shampoo and had a conflict with her roommate, who attacked her online. She repeatedly tolerated her, who knew that instead of stopping the attack, her roommate became more and more excessive. Xiao A collapsed and began to fight back, stuffing his roommate’s things into the sewer, and sending screenshots of his roommate’s previous discussion about others to the person…The interpersonal relationship in the bedroom became particularly rigid. This incident made Little A very painful.

Why is Xiao A’s roommate like this
This behavior of roommate A is actually more common in real life. Such people are usually timid and fearful, but they are used to ranting on the Internet and wantonly venting their bad emotions. In the network environment, people are depersonalized. Everyone is no longer himself in real life, but an anonymous person who is indistinguishable from others. In such a depersonalized situation, people may perform some incredible behaviors.

For example, attacking Xiao A’s roommate on Weibo shows the repressed aggression when rejected in life. If you use professional language, it is this state of depersonalization that minimizes the awareness of self-observation and self-evaluation. The behavioral control power behind the emotions of guilt, shame, and fear is weakened. At this moment and in this state, if you feel that you don’t have to be responsible for your attacks and won’t be punished, you tend to do whatever you want.

One-way violation or change to two-way violation
In the frustration-aggression theory put forward by psychologist Dollard and others, it is believed that if an individual’s behavior is blocked when pursuing a goal, it will produce a state of psychological tension. This kind of tension either affects oneself, produces inferiority complex, causes withdrawal or self-harm, or violates outward. Just like Little A’s roommate, who was frustrated when asking for help from Little A in real life, he chose to attack Little A on the Internet in a bad mood.

And Xiao A later chose to retaliate when there was no way to prevent such an attack, which is also in line with Bandura’s social learning theory of aggression motives—individuals learn aggressive behaviors in the process of being violated. Some of this kind of acquisition stems from family life, for example, we learn aggression from the family’s usual bad interaction methods; some stems from the process of being violated, such as common retaliation, bad language, etc., which may be the day after tomorrow. Learned ways of infringement.

As a result, things will get worse and worse, so what should we do?

Science responds to the past suspicions
1. Catharsis

Freud said that the aggressive impulse is a kind of psychological energy that must be vented, otherwise it is not conducive to physical and mental health. This kind of energy can be vented in a socially approved way, and sports is a very good way. At the Autumn Games, the head teacher of Little A consciously selected everyone in their dormitory to participate in the mixed class relay race, and achieved good results. This is to release the impulse of aggression in an alternative way.

2. Sublimation

Little A’s emotions were greatly affected in the process of experiencing this storm. In the second year of high school, a few people in their dormitory participated in professional training in film and television performance. During the learning process, Xiao A found that this was the common interest of her and her roommate. The more they learn, the more confident they are, and the better their relationship is. After having a clearer goal, they all realized that their previous actions shouldn’t be. So they put their focus on learning together, and the aggressive motives that appeared in their hearts due to frustration were gradually replaced by achievement motives, and they worked hand in hand to achieve a sublimation in their lives.

3. Education

The reason why people choose to vent and attack others in a de-individualized state is largely related to their negative and pessimistic attitudes formed in the process of education. Such people need someone to teach them to see clearly what they are doing right now and what is rational thinking and wise choice. Little A’s roommate needs the guidance of the teacher, and the little A who is provoked to retaliate also needs help. A person whose personality includes respect for others, tolerance and open-mindedness, is more likely to treat others kindly at all times.

You must know that all actions have consequences, and if malicious attacks cause irreversible results, they also need to bear legal responsibility. In our youth, the most contacted roommates are probably the roommates in the same dormitory. Contradictions are always unavoidable in the process of getting along, but we are not afraid of contradictions. How to avoid and repair contradictions is what we really need to learn.