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Loose love and struggling self

  In the history of Russian literature, Pushkin is called “the sun of Russian poetry”, while Akhmatova is called “the moon of Russian poetry”. With her delicate brushstrokes, this female poet vividly expresses women’s tortuous psychology in love, and presents a string of beautiful and moving or even pathetic poems in front of us. What’s more valuable is that her poems also contain sober and calm thinking about love, carrying a unique strong and distinct self-awareness, so people are vying for praise. However, it is puzzling that she lived with art theorist Bunin and his wife for 10 years. Does this lifestyle choice contradict her self-seeking for spiritual independence? How should this question be properly understood?
  In Akhmatova’s poems, the lyrical protagonists are mostly lonely, neglected and desperate women because of their loss of love, but the poet also created some more valuable images, and they are more women who maintain self-esteem and self-love Singing and shouting in person. For example, “I was abandoned? It’s just a nonsense-/Am I a flower or a letter?/…” (“I sent my friend to the front hall”) In the poem, the strong heroine boldly condemns the unwilling lover Abandoning herself shows that she is not something like a “little flower” or “letter paper”. She can get it at her fingertips, play with it and then throw it away. She doesn’t beg for cheap mercy, she wants to see herself as a human being. the kind of respect. Another of her poems, “I Live Like a Cuckoo in a Wall Clock”, is about a winter poet in Petersburg who lives behind closed doors, reading and writing poetry with a lonely lamp. The poem expresses the loneliness and melancholy in his heart, but the poet does not Not thinking that this kind of mechanical and monotonous life is something she should endure silently, she shouted, “Only the enemy, I wish he had.” The poet does not want to live a boring, debauched and self-defeating life. From the poem “Here We Are All Drunks and Sluts”, we can see that such an unseemly way of life will only make her feel empty and sad.
  However, from 1927 (when she and her second husband Shreiko had not yet filed for formal divorce), she began to settle in the Bunin family in the Fountain House. She lives in Bunin’s office, next door to Bunin’s wife, Allens. Ahlens is a shrewd woman who is good at running the house, has a good income and has a daughter to her husband, and they eat at the same table with Akhmatova (but this does not mean that there is no appearance between them tense situation). This kind of life went on for more than ten years. In this regard, even Akhmatova’s close friends have criticized her, thinking that this is a wrong choice that undermines the poet’s dignity. Such a choice is indeed difficult for ordinary people to accept. However, we cannot ignore the Russian concept of love and life pressure, and more importantly, the poet’s rough experience and despair at that time.
  First of all, the Russians respect the freedom of love, and their awareness of the morality of the sexes is relatively weak. Among the lower-class workers, they tend to establish a “some kind of gentle, some kind of elegant carefree relationship”. The relationship between the sexes is voluntary and natural. exists and is endowed with a lighthearted color. In the upper classes, things like men having mistresses are even more bland and habitual. Since the publication of Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina”, there has been a heated debate in the intellectual world over the morality of marriage. Many writers have opposed the shackles of the pursuit of happiness in a marriage that has lost its emotional foundation, and emphasized the right to free love. . At the same time, in the Soviet Union in the early 20th century, it is not surprising that a husband and two wives lived together under the same roof. In 1920, Kollontai, the women’s minister of the Central Committee of the Russian Communist Party, proposed the “a glass of water doctrine”, arguing that under the new regime, to meet the needs of sexual desire and love, it can be as casual as drinking a glass of water. Therefore, Mayakovsky lived with the Brick couple at the time, and Pasternak also had two well-known wives, not to mention, for Akhmatova, this lifestyle choice It is closely related to her own unfortunate life experience and life pressure.
  The beautiful and dignified Akhmatova has been pursued by many men. She is full of yearning and pursuit for love, but she has suffered pain and bad luck in her life. Her love with several lovers has ended in failure: she first married Zeng Zeng Gumilev, a poet who has committed suicide four times for her, has outstanding poetic talent but is not good-looking, but the hard-won love that he has been searching for has not made him unswerving since then. When G. Ivanov recalled him, he said: “Gumilev said, ‘Love is a professional need for a poet’, he often dabble in love and fell in love indiscriminately. Gumileov’s ‘hunting’ If the “Yan List” is published, there will be several pages.” At the same time, for Gumilev, life is always elsewhere, he always yearns for the far coast of Africa, only wandering and exploration can settle his restless mind. He often went away for half a year, which made Akhmatova’s life more lonely, and she often resorted to her inner melancholy and depression: “I light the candle in front of the small window until dawn, / I don’t miss anyone. Heart, / I just don’t want, don’t, never want / know how they kiss another woman.” (“To the Muse”) Eventually their relationship broke down and they divorced. She had loved the officer Anlepo, the White Army officer who had to flee abroad to avoid the angry crowd during the February Revolution, but Akhmatova vowed not to leave her beloved motherland. Do not break up. Although the second husband Shreiko loved her, he arrogantly did not allow her to write poetry. She came to this home “as if she had entered a monastery and lost her freedom and will…” He even rudely threw the poet’s poems Burning the flames was so unbearable for Akhmatova that she wrote: “I don’t want to tremble or suffer, / For me, the husband is the executioner, and the home is the prison!” (“Call I obey you, …”) Therefore, in order to get rid of difficulties, humiliation and even flogging, and for her own free will, she broke up with Shrejko. However, the suffering in love is only a part of her total suffering. Her parents divorced when she was young, and her two sisters died of tuberculosis early. From 1918 to 1922, her younger brother, elder brother and younger sister died one after another. Matova was deeply saddened, and her friends went into exile because of the changes in the domestic situation. In 1921, her friend Blok died, and her ex-husband Gumilev was shot and identified as a counter-revolutionary. The misfortunes in life came one after another, and the woman was depressed. The poet almost wanted to cry out, and the poems “Darkness is full of fear”, “You are no longer alive” and so on describe these events.
  However, what hit her the most was the siege of her by the “Rapp” party. She was stigmatized as a “domestic exile”, “I don’t know if she was a nun or a slut”, and her poetry was also considered “guilty” and “open bourgeois literature.” “, was greatly criticized, as the poet himself said, “Since the mid-1920s, my new poems have hardly been published, and my old works have not been reprinted.” As a person, she has lost her family, friendship and love, and even the most basic life security. When she is seriously ill, she often lives in other people’s homes hungry; as a woman, “her love is always bitter and sweet. Indifference and betrayal always end in hardship, she expects tenderness and encounters only animal greed, and after some intoxication she is abandoned and suffers alone”; as a poetess, she was slandered, sealed, Stifling her throat, just imagine, what kind of inescapable pain she is suffering at this time, what can she do to save herself? At this time, Bunin appeared, and his appearance greatly eased Akhmatova’s pain – not only helped her solve life problems to a certain extent, but also used his tenderness and even meekness to soothe her wounded So she wrote in her first poem to Bunin that people were astonished: “September has come, / Where are the cold and wet days gone? / The turbid water of the ditches becomes crystal green, / Nettles Fragrant, richer than roses. /…/ At this moment, gentle you came to my door.” (“The wonderful autumn colors build a high roof”)
  But they face a serious problem – Bunin’s family. After a long and serious conversation, the two still can’t get rid of their fiery love, and Bunin has no plans to divorce. At this time, Akhmatova is bound to go through intense On the one hand, lonely and helpless, she strongly yearns for a warm home to shelter her from the wind and rain; on the other hand, she is originally arrogant and does not want to be in the same room with another woman’s husband and this woman, because she moved in. In the Bunnings, she is effectively someone else’s mistress, which seems to contrast with Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre’s rejection of Mr. Rochester, which is drawn from Akhmatova’s own view of this life. The attitude can also be seen. Later, she was always difficult to talk about this life. When the poet’s secretary Anatoly Naiman talked about her relationship with her three husbands, there was a vivid contrast: “She talked about Bunin. Only a limited number of times, talking about Shrejko is easy, but talking about Gumilev with relish, she tried her best to avoid talking about Bunin.” The hopeless Akhmatova, after experiencing all kinds of misfortunes, said Life security, especially the desire for human warmth, overcomes the yearning for self-spiritual independence. The change in the poetess’ understanding of the concept of “home” is evident in her biblical poem “Lord’s Wife” written for Bunin: “She glanced—and died The pain solidified her, /…the body turned into a translucent pillar of salt,…/Who will mourn this woman,/Is this loss even small?/Only my heart will never forget,/For the only glimpse She gave her life.” Rhode’s wife knew that she could not look back when fleeing, but she glanced at her home unintentionally, so she immediately turned into a pillar of salt. From the last two sentences, it can be seen that the poet’s love for The feelings of this woman who sacrificed her life for a glimpse of her homeland shows that the poet is willing to aggrieve her self-esteem and persistently build her own life for the love that she had unexpectedly obtained after being severely damaged. In the end, the fiery love prevented her from reining in the precipice, but instead became the only straw she could hold before she was overwhelmed by gloom.
  This kind of love gave Akhmatova some comfort to a certain extent, but this kind of love without self is destined to be deformed and not perfect. When she intervened in Bunin’s family, she fell into a deep sense of condemnation and guilt, as she wrote in her poem: “I hid the secret of my soul from you, / I threw it into Nirvana at the same time. Wahedi…/I’m like a tame, ignorant bird,/I live in your house./Only…in the night I hear chirping. …/’You want to be comfortable,/You know , it—your comfort, where is it?'” (“I Hide the Secret of My Heart from You”) She did not get the peace she wanted emotionally, and she often endured the torment of conscience in her heart, and her ears were full of “” The vicious whispers of disaster”, the real self and the repressed soul are constantly negotiating, as she recited a poem about it to her girlfriend Lydia: “Some people are reflected in the tender eyes, /Others drink all night long, / And I negotiate all night with my uncontrollable conscience. / I say to my conscience: ‘You know, how many years I bear / your burden.'” (“Some People are reflected in gentle eyes”) Because this kind of life always tortured her conscience and dignity, Akhmatova also wanted to end the embarrassing situation of living with the Bunin couple many times. In 1927, the poet’s son Lev also lived in Bunin’s house, and both mother and son depended on others. Especially at that time, due to the shortage of food, Akhmatova had no fixed salary, which caused Bunin’s complaints and complaints. The accusation against Lev, and Lev also complained about this life under the fence, which made Akhmatova more guilty, and what was more, Bunin, the man who made her sacrifice her self-esteem, fell in love with a female artist and a female artist one after another. When his students, Akhmatova saw them on the street, they hid in the restaurant… The angry poet could no longer let others continue to trample his dignity, and resolutely moved out of Bunin’s house, and completely with Bunin. separate.
  Although this history has been controversial, the situation of the poet should be understood by the world. Moreover, Akhmatova finally chose to defend the dignity of personality in the conflict between self-pursuit and emotional pursuit, and resolutely left The Bunin family ended another unbearable bitter love, and returned to a long period of loneliness and pain after a moment of happiness. Maybe in this world, she is destined to be associated with suffering and become a “sorrowful muse”. All she can do is to endure loneliness, endure the betrayal in love, and condense the pain and sorrow in her heart into one song after another. A lingering mournful poem.

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