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Unspeakable “addiction”

In the process of clinical practice, I found that many patients They all have something in common: easily nervous, not good at interacting with people, difficult to show weakness to others, etc. Whether it’s an alcoholic who puts on airs to relieve tension, or a workaholic who craves the thrill of “dominating the organization” and works hard, it can be seen from the fact that they can’t show their “real self”, they are more or less social anxiety exists.
  Underlying social fear is a “delusional” self-punishment emotion. These addicts grow up with misconceptions like “My eyes hurt” or “I’m a problem to others”, and it is these misconceptions that constantly blame and torture them them. It is because of these perceptions that those with eating disorders keep vomiting, because they subconsciously hope to keep others in this way: “Don’t leave me like this.” People who don’t even care about their families and children for work, they feel useless and punish themselves in extreme ways.
  These symptoms are not without cause. Addicts are often surrounded by drag patients, and drag patients need to be “needed by others”. On the surface, it is the drag patients who use various means to “rescue” the addicts. In fact, this relationship can make the problem worse and cause both parties to fall into a vicious circle.
The cocooning “inner mother”

  A lot of guilt is pointless. If you are obsessed with unnecessary guilt, people tend to subconsciously cater to this guilty character, and even do a series of bad and stupid things. Sometimes we just need to do what we want and have to do. So where does this guilt come from? Children entering puberty will have a differentiated emotion towards their parents. They begin to avoid their parents of the opposite sex, and this avoidance sometimes manifests as being close to people of the opposite sex their own age. It’s this emotional shift that fuels teen guilt toward same-sex parents, and that guilt turns into same-sex parenting rebellion.
  At the same time, guilt will prompt the child to form an image of an “inner mother” (internalized mother) in his heart and criticize himself severely. The inner mother is not the real mother, but a mother image created by the child inside. She will denounce the “inner child” who also exists in her heart, making her feel pain and even despair.
  The inner mother is constantly torturing people’s hearts, magnifying their flaws, and making children think they are incompetent, lazy, and ugly. Those children who are troubled by this often grow up to be “workaholics” or “perfectionists who accomplish nothing,” and what’s more, suffering from anorexia, bulimia, and ugliness in pursuit of the so-called perfect appearance.
  To protect yourself from your inner mother, you need to develop an image of a mother who accepts you unconditionally (“safe mother”). However, if the child cannot successfully establish this image, the guilt will only increase. Someone might say, “Since she’s an image of your own making, wouldn’t it be easy to rebuild?” But that’s not the case. Unless the parents who can make the inner child understand their own desires and face up to reality, they cannot destroy the inner mother. Parents who face up to reality, accept their flaws, recognize and understand that no one is perfect, even parents; only in this way can one be freed from the bondage of the inner mother and free from useless guilt.
“Problems” are the means to help us survive

  There are actually deeper reasons behind addiction.
  For example, a woman is skinny due to an eating disorder, but what she really thinks is “I’m terminally ill, I can’t live by myself, so someone has to take care of me”; and there is also a subtext to drinking behavior: I hope I Even if nothing is accomplished, you can get the care of others; for another example, deep down insomniacs actually hope that by not sleeping, they can prolong the time when they don’t have to do anything. It is precisely because it is difficult to express these unknown truths candidly, they will use those awkward, troublesome and even hurt themselves to “get out of trouble” and help themselves survive. Therefore, if you are in such a predicament, please do not blame yourself, but encourage yourself and recognize your efforts to survive. Accepting these symptoms is not difficult.
  Those who are alcohol dependent, if not for alcohol, may have other bad behaviors. However, not all people with psychological problems can find such support. If they can realize this, their hearts will be a lot easier. Similarly, friends who suffer from eating disorders such as bulimia can also persuade themselves in a similar way to reduce their inner burden.
  People are often attracted to people who have the same traits as themselves, and people who have the same psychological problems. And those who don’t have these kinds of problems, or don’t realize their own problems, have a hard time meeting people who can understand them. Those who have the same emotional experience can share each other’s joys, sorrows and sorrows and become “spiritual family members” who heal each other.
  The so-called “family” refers not only to the kinship by blood, but also to the relationship in which one can speak freely and candidly reveal one’s own problems to the other party. After having a “spiritual family” who can express their hearts, all kinds of behavioral problems in order to “survive” will disappear naturally.
Turn “symptoms” into “requirements”

  The causes of common problem behaviors (extraordinary behaviors) in adolescence such as school weariness and addiction are, on the one hand, teenagers expressing their “requests” and “begging” for help from others, and on the other hand, the “symptoms” that teenagers unintentionally show .
  The so-called symptoms and problem behaviors are actually conveying certain information. The information hidden in the symptoms is often some thoughts that are subconsciously suppressed by the client or even exist only in their subconscious, and it is usually difficult to express in words. So symptoms are really a way for them to communicate with the outside world.
  In fact, the hurdles that teens need to cross before they reach the point of addiction are not one and a half. They have to find ways to acquire addictive substances, overcome fears of physical harm from these substances, and prepare themselves to be marginalized on campus and in society. That is, unless their resolve is already very firm, they usually won’t get this far. And being able to make such a determination means that if they do not use this extreme method, they will not be able to communicate and communicate with the outside world normally.
  The problem behavior of addiction is understandably sending a message to parents and teachers, the subtext of which is “I’m doing something bad, how will you deal with this”. Some children even use extreme methods of causing physical harm to call for help around them.
  The original intention of children’s extraordinary behavior is to ask for help, but the most straightforward “help me” is often covered up by rebellious masks such as “give me money” and “leave me alone”. However, if they can frankly ask their surroundings for help in the first place, they will not be led astray.

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