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Are there any marriage secrets in The Indian Matchmaker?

  The first time I heard about “arranged marriage” in India was when I was taking classes at a research centre in South India ten years ago.
  At that time, I was in the same car with four or five senior sisters. I don’t know what happened, and I asked a certain senior sister if she was married? She said, “It’s an arranged marriage.” I asked suspiciously, “What is that?” The
  whole car burst into laughter, and the senior said, “Arranged marriage is not love marriage.” I continued to ask: “What does that mean?” They continued giggling, and said, “You can also say that a love marriage is to love first and then marry, and an arranged marriage is to marry first and then love.”
  Ten years have passed, and today, I still don’t know if they’re serious or joking. I’m in a situation where a child asks a silly question that adults know a secret, and amuses the adults, but leaves me at a loss. What secret does my question touch? What’s so funny?
  Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking” is a reality show that rivals “Love Is Blind” in ratings. Indians have little interest, but foreigners love to watch it.
  The first time I heard about this album, it was recommended to me by my sister living in the United States. As an Asian who has lived in India for more than ten years, I watched it with relish, but when I mentioned this series to an 80-year-old Indian uncle who was chasing Korean dramas on Netflix, he immediately expressed no interest.
Follow the “guidance”

  The Indian matchmaker in the reality show is Sima Taparia, a middle-aged woman with small eyes. When she sees clients, she always says, “Hello, I’m Seema, I’m from Mumbai.”
  Seema’s clients are mostly wealthy, high-class Indians living in big cities in the United States and India. She believes: “Marriage is destined, I just help match.”
  Seema has a set of her own style and logic. She will visit clients’ homes in person to examine the style of home decoration, understand the relationship between economic conditions and family members Relationship. She also walks into clients’ rooms and opens their cupboards. These details are all entered into the pairing database in Seema’s head.
  The climax of the first contact with Seema was when Seema asked the client/client: “What are the conditions for the marriage partner you want?” Men and women, both excited and nervous, usually offer many conditions: high enough, how much income, love of family, pets, independence, travel, sports, personality…

“Indian matchmaker” stills

  Seema’s role is to educate and domesticate the children who want to marry, she used to say: “They need guidance.”

  A “list” appeared on the screen, and the intriguing expression of Sima’s smiling face was switched. At this time, it is often brought into the monologue of Sima’s interview after the event, telling the audience her evaluation of this person in her heart at that time. She then tells clients and their families clearly: “100% impossible!” “It’s good to be six or seven.” “You have to be flexible and open.” Her matchmaking philosophy is clear: marriage is About adjustment and compromise.
  In my opinion, Seema’s real job is not to help customers find the most suitable “match” according to the conditions prescribed by the customer. If so, dating or matching software is enough. Seema’s role is to educate and domesticate the children who want to marry, she often said: “They need guidance.” “I arranged for the whole family to be present when the couple met for the first time, precisely because the child was too stubborn and too stubborn. Negative, the presence of my mother can guide her and make her think in the right direction.”
  Learning to obey the guidance is the first lesson to enter an arranged marriage.
Pursue “marriage” itself rather than “love”

  Sima will select one to three candidates from the database according to the conditions set by the customer, print out the “personal data” with photos, and give it to the customer in person. According to Seema’s game rules, clients can only date one person at a time, and only after the candidate has been eliminated can they contact the next one. “Too many people and you’ll get confused,” she says.
  In fact, offering qualified candidates is just a way for Seema to gain trust and make clients feel “Aunt Seema is really listening, these two people she found. Very much what I wanted.” A necessary condition for a successful marriage is to have a “correct view of marriage.” In short, Seema’s job is to domesticate children into people who are committed to marriage, open their hearts, accept change, and understand compromise. Auntie Seema has many pocket methods, from traditional to modern – physiognomist, astrologer, “life coach”. Seema will also want them to learn from their failures.

Aparna, the first actress to appear in the “Indian Matchmaker” reality show

  Aparna, the first female lead to appear, is a 34-year-old lawyer in Houston. Seema described her as “the hardest person to match because she thinks finding a life partner is like ordering food in a restaurant”. She arranged a meeting with the astrologer for Apana. The astrologer told her what was on her mind and changed Apana’s attitude towards marriage.
  Her face froze when the astrologer said, “You’ve been so frustrated for the past year and a half that you wonder if you’re going to live your whole life.” Seeing that the other party’s psychological defense has been removed, the astrologer continued: “The main reason is that the window has not been opened, but that time is coming soon… You will face an important change, Venus will navigate in the future, The window of marriage is about to open.” This conversation gave Apana hope and hope, and she was willing to actively open herself up to anyone who might come into life.
  Seema also arranges a life mentor for Prade Yuman, a picky rich and handsome boy in Mumbai. The younger brother asked the life tutor: “What do girls expect?” When he first heard the objective and real opinion, he was shocked. The life tutor said: “Girls like good-looking boys.” He asked: “Really? Everyone is not They say appearance is not important?” The life mentor also said: “Girls are afraid that they need to change what they have after marriage, so you have to remove the fear in their hearts.” When the life mentor asked Prade Yuman: “You know Do girls expect anything from you?” He was stunned, realizing that he had never thought about this question.

  When Nadia, who had been unsuccessful in matching, did not follow Seema’s instructions, gave up a rather suitable partner and chose to date a handsome guy 7 years her junior, but after the relationship failed, Seema said: “I have told You, but you won’t listen. The past is over, and now you have to listen to my guidance.”
  In the world of matchmaker Sima, the object people should focus on “pursuing” is actually not another “person”, but It’s “marriage” itself. Children should learn to pursue “marriage” wholeheartedly, to transform themselves into marriageable people, and to have a proper marriage mentality. I have also seen this kind of “pursuit” in my Indian friends.
Another “Peach Blossom Spring”

  My good friend S once entered a hellish horrific marriage through arranged marriages and matchmaker’s words. Husband is the only child and has never had any sexual experience. Sexual knowledge is limited to sex videos. New marriages are like rape. The mother-in-law is very possessive of her son. The basin made harsh noises and made things difficult for his daughter-in-law.
  A month later my friend ran away and got divorced. A few years after the divorce, she used a matching software to find a partner. I asked her, “Then do you like this person?” Her answer always made me not quite understand. She would say that this person has good conditions, a good income, is religiously compatible, and is of the same caste, as if “Like” doesn’t really matter. As for personality, what she cares about is “I want to know whether he knows how to take care of others”, “whether he knows how to make adjustments for me” and “can he compromise”. If one “talk” fails, she will lock on to the next one. She is very focused on pursuing her own marriage, self-learning, self-directing, and being her own Auntie Sima.

“Indian matchmaker” stills

  The “marriage” that is really popular among young people now is neither an arranged marriage nor a love marriage.

  What the album does not mention is that the “marriage” that is really popular among young people now is neither an arranged marriage nor a love marriage, but an “open marriage” that can be flexibly matched with the two.
  Open marriage is quite popular among young people in the city. The couple agrees when they get married, and both parties have the freedom to develop other love objects or sexual relations outside the marriage. The marriage is open rather than closed. Open marriages, like all marriages, succeed and fail.
  The first open marriage case I know of is the married senior in the same car. At the time, she was having an affair with a single senior, and that senior also developed an intimate relationship with another married senior. It is said that their husbands knew about it. Only then did someone explain to me, “Their marriage was an open marriage.”
  In retrospect, the secret that everyone didn’t say in the car at that time was probably that all marriages were arranged and arranged. In other words, marriage is arranged, and the term “arranged marriage” in India puts the “truth” that other cultures do not want to face directly. The other side of the secret, perhaps, is that in order for a marriage to be successful, people must be “open” and know how to adjust themselves and compromise with reality. “Marriage” is all about arranged practices and an open spirit.
  Of course, we cannot say that keeping an open mind in marriage equals an “open marriage.” But it is true that an open marriage and an arranged marriage are a very compatible and quite cooperative couple. Thinking of this, I can’t help but feel that among the three categories of arranged marriages, love marriages and open marriages, the more embarrassing existence is “love marriages”. Love marriages both refuse to be “arranged” and refuse to be “open”. Was it in the car at the time that people couldn’t help laughing because they thought of the embarrassing situation of “love”?

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