When people reach middle age, they need to be broken and rebuilt
The husband of an old friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer not long ago, and she resolutely took him to the best hospitals in Beijing and Shanghai for treatment. After the doctor gave her all-out treatment, she was asked to prepare for the worst: the cancer was spreading all the time, and it was only a matter of time before she left. She had given up everything, so don’t blame yourself too much.
She began to check in the circle of friends every morning. Without too many words, just a photo of life taken casually, with a sentence of “good morning”. Now she has clocked in for more than 80 days, and each of these 80 days is just morning and evening for us who are healthy, but it is confession and life and death for her and her husband.
Her husband was born in poverty and lost his father when he was young. With his practical and reliable personality and his fanatical and obsessive research spirit, he got a good job in a big city. He also takes care of his brothers and sisters, including the trivial matters of relatives and friends, and gives the best within his ability. But he himself cut down on food and clothing all the year round, saved money on food and expenses, and restrained himself and forbearance.
These good qualities that made him good when he was young need to be reflected upon in middle age. Excessive persistence will inevitably consume too much. After middle age, the body will become extremely fragile due to excessive overdrawing. If you are not careful, you may fall into serious illness and catastrophe. Therefore, let go of too many obsessions and change your mood and personality.
Make your heart thicker, wider, and more insensitive, give the body time to recover, and give the spirit space to heal itself, so that you can survive the middle age when you are carrying the burden.
I once interviewed a man who traveled around the world with his wife who was suffering from cancer. This man once said a word that impressed me deeply: “I knew that sooner or later something big would happen to my wife’s body.”
He gave an extremely Small example to prove your point. He and his wife work in the same company, and both do the hardest jobs. Every day when he comes back from get off work, he is so tired that he can fall asleep on the sofa, and no matter how tired or sleepy his wife is, she still cleans the house spotlessly. “Even if it’s late, even if she doesn’t sleep, she still has to mop the floor and make sure the house is not messy.” He lamented that he didn’t feel bad when he was young, but as he got older, he felt that his wife was too forceful. And the pursuit of the ultimate character makes her unable to relax for a moment, and also makes her body and spirit fall into huge internal friction.
He tried to help her clean, find a cleaner for her, take her to see the mountains and rivers and flowers, and enjoy the beauty of life now. But how difficult it is to change a person. Even in the mountains and rivers, the wife still thinks about work, children, the elderly, and all the big and small things at home.
Psychologist Carl Jung said: “Character determines destiny.” Because character will solidify habits, habits will solidify behaviors, behaviors will be constructed into experiences, and experiences guide us to deal with things in an emergency. Including work, life, marriage and relationships.
Many people have a strong “ego” in their personalities: “I must…” “I must…” “I am sure…” This kind of character that will never give up until it reaches its goal, never let go if it cannot achieve the ultimate , will make a person at a young age. But if you don’t change, examine, and examine, those advantages that once made you may be the shortcomings that destroy you now.
When a person reaches middle age, it is a practice. This “repair” is reviewing, looking back, reflecting, panting, accepting incompleteness, embracing flaws, returning to the original heart, and correcting those cognitions that one has sworn to; this “action” is giving up, It is change, it is relaxation, it is walking slowly, it is experiencing joys and sorrows, learning impermanence, reorganizing oneself, building the heart, and opening the second half of life full of unknowns.
When people reach middle age, they need to be broken and rebuilt. Kindness like you deserves a more peaceful tomorrow.