The one who changed me

　　Although October in the south has already entered autumn in theory, the sunlight outside the classroom reflected by the playground and the smell of youth hormones in the classroom clearly remind us that summer is not over yet.
　　The math teacher was holding a stack of papers, and his heavy steps made us all feel the strong pressure. It seems that this test made him dissatisfied again.
　　This is my first math teacher since I entered high school. He is a male teacher. He is a very serious person on weekdays. To be honest, I am a little afraid of him.
　　When he called my name, I saw the look on his face, which was a combination of anger and helplessness. He threw the test paper to me, as if disgusted to the extreme.
　　Yes, I looked at the two numbers “36” that were bright red like blood on my test paper, and for a moment I hated myself.
　　After the math teacher handed out the papers, he seemed to have held back his anger for a long time, and at this moment, it poured out on us like a torrent: “Students, the average score of this monthly exam has dropped completely compared to the last time. Do you know the concept of five points in the college entrance examination? That is the difference between the first and second, the difference between the second and the third, the difference between the first and the hundredth!”
　　He said more and more Excited, but fortunately the three-foot podium is still strong, otherwise it would have been smashed to pieces. It’s just that the podium was not broken, but my hope had been shattered into powder, and I don’t know where it was blown by the wind.
　　”Don’t think that you are only freshmen in high school now. You are still two years away from the third year of high school. The three years are fleeting, and high school is completely different from junior high school. Some students here may be in the first and second grades of junior high school for fun. , and then hugged Buddha’s feet in the third year of junior high school, and the results of the senior high school entrance examination were also very good. But I can tell you that if you think that high school can do the same, you are very wrong. In high school, it has always been from high school to high school. Only those who have worked hard for three or three years can achieve final success.”
　　He paused, took a sip of water, and continued: “The reason why the average score dropped by five points this time is largely because the lowest score in the whole grade is in our class. I often reflect, reflect on myself, is it because I don’t teach well myself, that’s why this happens. But I looked at everyone’s grades, except for this classmate, all the students have passed, and the highest score of the whole year is also in our class. This can Explain that it’s not because of my problem.”
　　I kept listening with a blank expression, as if the person he was talking about was not me. I thought he wouldn’t pick me up, but unexpectedly, it turned out to be the opposite. He still picked me up, looked at me for a while, and said slowly: “You can explain yourself.”
　　I was at a loss for words and didn’t know what to say. , had to bow his head in silence.
　　Seeing that I didn’t speak, he increased his tone: “You have nothing to say, right? If I were you, I would be speechless too, because it’s too embarrassing, and I’m embarrassed to say anything. 36 points, you Do you know what the concept of 36 points is? I got a higher score than you in multiple multiple-choice questions. What were you thinking during the exam, brother, where is your logical thinking?…”
　　I stood there dumbfounded. Hey, actually I didn’t listen to what he said, and I don’t know how long it took him to let me sit down. I only know that at that time, I felt that the world was dark, and there was no light in front of me, and I couldn’t see it at all. The way out, my hope and confidence were also extinguished in one blow after another. Since then, I have become more and more self-defeating. I didn’t listen to the class, didn’t do the questions, and spent the first semester of the first year of high school in the name of being the last one.
　　From the beginning of the first semester of high school, they will be divided into classes in arts and sciences. I voluntarily chose the liberal arts class, maybe because of interest, maybe because it is easier than science, maybe because of the grades, maybe because of the ranking, I can’t explain the reason myself, maybe there are all of them, it’s just that I don’t want to be divided into classes. It doesn’t make much sense, I still indulge as always, and no one cares about me, just like a small stone on the side of the road, as long as it doesn’t get in the way, no one will pay attention to it.
　　But, she showed up.
　　Before the math class, I had no interest in mathematics because of the indelible impression of the first math teacher on me. In addition, meeting such a teacher deepened my aversion to it.
　　The new math teacher is a female teacher. She looks to be in her thirties. Although she has a serious face, it makes people feel that she is very kind. There is a bit of majesty in this kindness. In short, it is an unpredictable feeling.
　　40 minutes of a class passed quickly, and I was still in the same mind-wandering state as before. Suddenly, I was called by her name, and I stood up in a daze. She thought that there would be an earth-shattering criticism, but she just casually said, “Come to my office after class.” The students around her were rather gloating.
　　On the way to the office, my heart was full of ups and downs. I had never met her before, so why did she want to find me? Could it be that the former teacher said something to me? It’s also unlikely, after all, because of my grades, the teachers basically don’t care about me, so naturally it’s impossible to bother to say anything about me. After eliminating all kinds of reasons, I really can’t guess what the intention of this new math teacher is, and what he wants to do.
　　”Are you here? Sit down, I’ll talk to you.” The teacher’s gentle tone interrupted my thinking.
　　I am used to standing in the office and receiving all kinds of criticism. It is really the first time that I sit down like this and use the word “chat”.
　　I tried my best to get my accelerated heartbeat back to normal and sat upright.
　　She picked up the paper on the table, still gentle: “I took a look at your grades, and your Chinese, political, history, and geography grades are all very good, which shows that your learning ability is very strong, not that the teacher in front of you said So, can you tell me why I don’t do well in math? Is it because I’m not interested?”
　　“Yes, I don’t like this subject.” I always don’t hide what I’m thinking.
　　There was no unnecessary expression change on her face, and she said slowly: “Have you ever thought that if your math scores are not good, it will be difficult to stand out in the college entrance examination. Your English scores are not good, so you can’t do it with four or two.” No matter what, there is no way to do it. But if you do it five times and one, you still have a chance to break through. As your math teacher, you naturally hope that the one you do with five is English.”
　　”The college entrance examination, the college entrance examination again, don’t you only have the college entrance examination in your eyes? Is there nothing else besides the college entrance examination?” I couldn’t help raising my voice.
　　”You live in China, so you have to accept the Chinese rules! I don’t like the college entrance examination either, but is there a way to change it? Since there is no way to change it, I can only accept it until I leave this circle!” Although her tone was calm, she revealed A strong breath.
　　I lowered my head, not daring to meet her eyes: “I’m sorry, I don’t want to do something I don’t like!”
　　”If you don’t like mathematics, then try to like me and learn for me!” She said sincerely And confident.
　　”What did you say?” I couldn’t believe my ears.
　　”If a person only lives for himself, he is not only cold-blooded, but also selfish. Look at me, I am twice as old as you, and I have experienced more difficulties than you. I used to be like you, but soon I recovered, because I know that people should live not only for themselves, but also for others. Since this difficulty cannot be solved by your own strength, then combine the strength of others and solve it together! Escape is not what a man should do things.”
　　I stood there in a daze, without saying a word for a long time, it turns out that people can still live like this? People can still live like this!
　　In the sunny spring of March, someone was solving trigonometric functions on the damp desk; in the long summer of June, the pure white school uniform was soaked in sweat, and someone was sketching three-dimensional geometry; in the golden autumn of September, the wind blowing through There is a hint of coolness, and someone is calculating probability statistics; in the cold winter of December, the exhaled breath condenses into wisps of white smoke, and someone is thinking about arithmetic progression.
　　Day after day, year after year, this is me.
　　Three years have passed in a flash, and I still remember the scene when she summed up the results of the college entrance examination at the class graduation party. She said that five of the more than 60 people in our class exceeded the excellent score line of 120 points in mathematics. And when she finally said my name, I looked up and met her eyes, ignoring the disbelief around me.
　　Also, who would have thought that the person with only 36 points three years ago would step up to 120 points today? That brilliant person is none other than her, the only high school math teacher I recognize. Not only did she preach and teach, but she also changed my mind from a boy to a man.