Love is very difficult, because there are too many detours to take, and we are too easy to get lost in it.
Like each other, will block out many suitable people.
In my class when I was in college, I had a female classmate who had a good relationship and often chatted together.
The female classmate is very beautiful and many people follow her, but she is very strange. As long as the other party’s conditions are ok and she is single, she usually professes success, which led to her talking about four boyfriends during her college days.
Her view of love surprised me a bit.
I remember once I talked with her and talked about this topic. She said to me: ” If someone professes to me, then my first reflection is whether I hate him or not. If not, then I usually try to develop.”
I asked her, ” shouldn’t two people like each other when they are together?”
She smiled and said: ” there is no such good thing as liking each other. the probability is too small. many things like each other are not necessarily suitable. when you don’t like them at first sight, you may like them later and be suitable. And most importantly, how do you know what is right for you without trying to talk about a few? ”
Later, after graduating from college, my female classmate was almost the first in our class to get married and have children. her husband was a fat boy who was not very handsome but had a good character and was also very kind to her.
In her words, it is: ” At first glance, I really didn’t think much of it, but I got along well with it, and then I got married. After marriage, I found it was really good. ”
However, most of the people in our class, represented by me, who believe in mutual love and can ” try to develop and see” themselves, have not yet married or even had any partners.
I often think, among thousands of people, you see the most dazzling him, he also saw the most dazzling you among thousands of people, but also two people like each other, no male or female friends, what is the probability?
Maybe a lot of people will never meet it.
Therefore, is my female classmate’s view of love that ” you can try to develop it if you don’t hate it” necessarily wrong? Do we look at this process too holistically?
Some people once described love like this:
Falling in love is like buying shoes. After looking at hundreds of pairs, the salesgirl is impatient and asks what color and style you want. You can’t say for sure, but when you see what you like, you know it immediately.
Horribly, the choice of vision and mind does not mean that a pair of shoes is suitable for you and can be worn for the rest of your life.
I think this is the reason why many people fail in their relationships. After waiting for thousands of years, it was very difficult to find one that looked ok, but this pair of broken shoes did not suit them.
So, why can’t I start by trying it on first? Maybe some shoes feel comfortable after putting on their feet, and the more they cross, the more they like it.
Like each other can start a relationship, don’t hate can also start a relationship, the two love views are not absolutely who is right and who is wrong, but if you must like each other before you start to try to see, will block out many suitable people.
The three views are consistent, but they are deceiving themselves and others.
What do you ask others for in choosing a partner?
Nine out of ten will tell you that the three views are consistent.
Three – view consensus is the most overused word in recent years, but have we ever thought about what will happen when we really meet people with three-view consensus?
An APP once organized an experiment called ” blind dating test”. in other words, you can only talk to each other for three times, but you can’t tell each other about your education, career and income, and you can talk about a pure love.
Many people took part in the meeting. They all said that the two had the same outlook and were satisfied with their partners.
” considerate and careful. when my shoelace was untied, he helped me tie it.”
” We talked about everything together, and she looks so beautiful.”
” All kinds of praise me, said I what all meet her requirements”
But ten days later, their true identities were revealed.
The real identity of the boy in red plaid is an actor. The girl who said he tied his shoelaces carefully and considerate felt that his job was not safe enough to accept his job and refused to associate with him again.
The girl’s real identity was an Internet anchor. The boy who praised her beauty and said that two people could talk together immediately denied it to the girl, saying that he could not accept his girlfriend to please others in front of the camera.
The two immediately broke up.
However, the girl in red did not have a job for the time being, and the boy immediately accused her of not planning for the future and living at home to die. The two quarreled at that time and said they would not be together.
Of the more than 10,000 couples, only 10.9% still chose to stay together after revealing their true identities.
You see, we always say that we should be consistent in three aspects, but when we are truly consistent in three aspects, we will reject others for one reason or another.
Therefore, what we often say now is that the three views are consistent, not only referring to being able to talk together, but also including education background, age, work, family of origin, appearance, etc. must conform to my heart and mind.
However, I have never thought about all this. I only know that I am looking for someone who has the same outlook.
How can you find the right person without knowing what you want? Besides, if you don’t say it, how can others know what you want?
Three – view consensus is actually deceiving oneself and others, knowing what you want and what shortcomings you can’t stand from each other. It would be a lot more to talk about three-view consensus.
Waiting for the perfect person is actually a big pit.
In the hearts of many girls, there is a romantic fantasy. They feel that they are sleeping princesses, waiting for the perfect prince to wake her up with a kiss.
However, they met all frogs and never met the perfect prince who woke her up with a kiss.
It is possible that in our real life, we really have never met that perfect person.
The real love is not when you meet him, he is perfect to perfection, but two people go hand in hand, go through a lot of things together, go through a lot of running – in, in the long years, you have finally become irreplaceable people in each other’s life.
Without this process, he would have been perfect. What is the use of you?
” When you met me, I was already of marriageable age, you have not seen me and boys in droves to climb trees over the wall.
When you knew me, I had long hair for a long time. You have not seen me cut into short hair layer by layer, which stunned everyone in the canteen.
When you knew me, I had a restrained temper and never called names loudly. You wouldn’t know that I threw things and tore notes to vent my anger when I was angry.
You know me, I’m just perfect, but I still miss the person who grew up with me, who was young and frivolous with me, and who did everything from youth to maturity. ”
At first, we thought it was appropriate that two people had the same goals and preferences.
The result was as follows: the two men were not the same at all, forced together, only hurting each other.
Then you may think it is like this: in reality, it is appropriate to have a person at a height who controls the other person.
Or still persistent, love each other to kill each other, with pieces in exchange for entanglement.
So, there is only one criterion for judging whether you love people or not, that is, whether you have become better after being together, instead of meeting an impeccable person from the beginning.
A good marriage is not that two absolutely perfect people are together, but that two imperfect people can become a perfect whole.
Therefore, don’t blindly choose a person to marry, don’t marry for the sake of marriage, you should find the one who makes your heart truly peaceful and joyful.
Remember, all the feelings that torture you and make you miserable are not the most suitable for you.