Get out of a “trapped” life

　　I was born in a “Fan Shengmei” family, and I studied very hard since I was a child, in order to escape from that kind of depression. The parents who should be the closest can hurt me again and again, so I don’t trust anyone. But when I was finally able to escape from my family on my own, I couldn’t find a lover, couldn’t make friends, and couldn’t feel happiness for so many years. Is this destiny? Hangzhou: Yang Yang
　　”Some people are healed by childhood happiness all their lives, while some people spend their whole life exhausting their energy to heal childhood wounds.” Those childhood misfortunes completely trapped some people. Even though the physical age has grown, the psychological self has been trapped in the past, constantly internal friction, and infinite repetition without knowing it.
　　”Empathy” is extremely
　　destructive . It is a common problem for many people to be incapable and out of touch with reality. Sticking to outdated ideas and indifference to reality is the root cause of many mental illnesses. Psychologists call this situation “empathy.”
　　The empathy process can be subtle, but it can also be extremely pervasive and destructive. The indifference of parents in childhood will make children often entangled with feelings of sadness and disappointment. The child’s initial conclusion is: “I can’t trust my parents, they are not worthy of trust.” Later, I further recognized the “fact”: “I No one can be trusted, no one can be trusted.” This conclusion will carry him through adolescence and adulthood. Although the real environment has changed, the conclusion that “no one can be trusted” still cannot be given up. Because making adjustments means having to reevaluate the parents. Therefore, they can only continue to maintain the past mentality: they cannot trust anyone, and even force themselves to alienate everyone. The most intuitive impact of trauma on them is the lack of love and security in adult intimate relationships.
　　Learn the ability to “turn the page”
　　Mo Yan wrote such a passage in “Life and Death Fatigue”: “The world is like a book, which is turned page by page. People should look forward and avoid turning over old accounts.” We must learn to “turn the page.” If you have been addicted to the past, you can only be trapped in the emotions of the past and never come out. This is why we are often not able to be happy.
　　In psychology, there is a term called “aisle principle”, which means that there is a sensor light in the aisle. When we walk to the corresponding position, the light will turn on to illuminate the way forward for us. This is actually the same as our life, sometimes all we have to do is to keep going, maybe we will go through a dark road, but as long as we go forward, there will always be a position that can bring us light. The regret in this world is not that it has been lost, but that it has been lost because of indulging in the past.
　　Learn to get along with your inner feelings and
　　learn to turn the page for yourself, which is also a kind of cognition and ability. Stuck in the past and unable to get out, it is just that I am consuming myself for no reason, letting my heart and life go into a dead end, entering a dead-end cycle, consuming my energy, and losing the future because I can’t get out hope.
　　To work through trauma, you need to truly accept it and understand how it has affected you. After accepting the trauma, an important next step is the development of self-awareness. Trauma affects our brain’s ability to control emotions. After realizing emotions, people also need to develop the ability to control emotions and restore the balance between rationality and emotion. Neuropsychological research has shown that the only way we can change how we feel is by experiencing our inner feelings without judgment and learning to be friendly with them. Meditation training can help us develop this ability. Of course, if the impact of the trauma really makes you miserable, and even affects your daily life and social interaction, please seek medical treatment in time and seek professional help.