Life

Do you regret marrying your current husband?

Do you regret marrying your current husband?

There are different opinions in the message area, and countless people in marriage have shared their views.

Looking through the posts, most of the expressions point to an answer——

I regret it.

Some people complain that their husbands are worthless and unable to earn money, making themselves and their children suffer;

Some people complain that their daughter-in-law is not virtuous, not to mention the mess at home, and she always loses her temper.

Looking at their relationship history, you will see:

In the eyes of boys and girls, the feelings that should be like fairy tales, but after encountering the pressure of middle age, they become hideous.

So, since we will regret it, why should we enter into marriage?

What the hell are we talking about when we talk about marriage?

I wanted to find someone to rely on

Unexpectedly, hope collapsed

“I regret.

I regretted falling in love and getting married early, and was dazzled by love. ”

The person who said this was a woman who had been married for four years and had just given birth.

Her love has experienced ups and downs.

When we first met, my boyfriend was a very good love object and responded to her every request.

She thought she had found the best man in the world, but after getting married, everything changed.

Because the two families were far apart, the girl left home and followed the boy to live in her husband’s house.

She can understand that since then “the union of two people” has become “the union of two families”, so in many cases, compromises can be made.

However, repeated compromises did not result in the understanding of the parents-in-law.

It’s their intensification.

And when a girl has a baby, the escalation reaches the apex.

The child was delivered by caesarean section. When it was first born, the mother-in-law hugged the grandson happily, and the husband went to sign various procedures.

And she, from the time she was pushed out of the operating room to the time she lay back on the hospital bed, no one cared.

During the confinement period, because the milk was not good, the mother-in-law always pointed at Sang and scolded Huai, complaining that she had no milk, and disliked her for not being able to take care of children, which made the eldest grandson grow up so small.

Even when she caught a cold, what she received was not caring, but scolding: complaining about why she caught a cold, and fearing that she would infect her children.

At first, she resisted several times.

But at this time, the parents-in-law would say that she was rebellious and disrespectful, and that she was sorry to eat his family’s food.

Even her parents-in-law deprived her of the right to take care of the children.

Only when feeding, will the baby be stuffed into her arms.

At other times, she is either like a transparent person, no one pays attention;

Or like a marionette, the in-laws say east, she can’t go west.

And the man who said “will protect her for the rest of his life” when he was in love disappeared at this time.

He put on an attitude of “I don’t care about this family”, forcing his wife to bow her head in front of the old man again and again.

In just two years, the woman suffered a lot of grievances.

“I’m having a hard time too.”

“I don’t know how to take care of children, but from the time the child was born to now, who of you asked me to take care of the children.”

“I don’t know how to do the farm work here, but when I cook and do laundry, who of you has seen it?”

What made her even more sad was that her husband was making love the whole time.

Not only does it not reconcile the relationship between her and her in-laws.

She will also be a bystander when she plans the future, not caring at all.

Even when she was sad, tired, and wanted to vent her emotions, all she received was a sentence from her husband——

“Why do you have so many things, you talk too much.”

You say, how to maintain such a marriage?

How could a woman not regret such a marriage?

The reason why she wrote her experience is to tell girls who have not yet entered marriage:

Before getting married, you must go to the other party’s home to see his family’s character and way of getting along.

Otherwise, marrying into a husband’s family like hers, you can only swallow all the pain yourself.

“The person you want to accompany into marriage must be carefully selected.”

Why Premarital Harmony

will always be broken after marriage

Reality never seems to get our way.

In many marriages, even if you carefully inspect the other person’s character and inquire about the other person’s family background, once you enter the marriage, you will definitely find that many things have changed before.

In “Weekend Parents”, the love between Yu Zhiyuan and Zhao Jiani made countless people sigh.

Before they got married, they both thought that each other was the love of their lives, and they started a family regardless of their parents’ opposition.

Unexpectedly, the life after marriage made the two of them very busy.

The first is to face the helplessness of the child.

Because they have to work, they have no time to take care of their children.

As a last resort, they can only temporarily put their children at their grandma’s house, take care of them on weekdays, and take them back to their own home on weekends.

But such long-term alienation is constantly pulling away the relationship between them and their children.

Zhao Jiani didn’t know anything about the child’s situation, and the son was not at all close to this “clumsy” mother.

This became a thorn in Zhao Jiani’s heart, which hurt her from time to time.

Second, it is the burden of the economy.

They have been married for many years, but they have not been able to buy a house of their own because of financial constraints.

Plus the gas bills at home, property fees, credit card bills, children’s interest classes…

There are old people who need to be supported, and those who are young need to be taken care of.

The burden on the two people is an economic burden that cannot be unloaded.

When the promise of staying together was defeated by trivial matters, when the bills in hand, job failures, and children’s neglect followed one after another, Zhao Jiani couldn’t help it. She shouted hysterically to her husband:

“I said I’m sorry!

I shouldn’t have married an irresponsible man in the first place!

I should marry a man who can make me and my children live comfortably.

I should have listened to my parents and married a man with a car and a house, so that I would not wait for my child to be born and immediately make him a weekend baby.

I wouldn’t have worked so hard and couldn’t afford a house.

I wouldn’t say that when I begged my mother-in-law to buy a house, my husband wouldn’t say a word for me.

What’s the use of love, it doesn’t matter if you love it or not!

You love me, I love you for what you have done for me, but what have I got? ”

In those words, I don’t know how many women’s hearts have been expressed, and how many men’s helplessness have been expressed.

There is no doubt that when a marriage is too fragile to bear the pressure of reality, we will inevitably lose control of our emotions.

The words of accusation blurted out, and the idea of ​​divorce seemed to rise up irresistibly.

It seems that in this marriage, we failed to become a better version of ourselves. Instead, we became a caressing and irritable person in the constant wear and tear.

So, we began to look back and think more than once:

If I didn’t follow love blindly back then, but found someone with a car and a house, who had better financial conditions, would life be better now?

The reality is, no matter who you marry

you will regret it

But in reality, it has never been possible to solve all problems in life by changing a person or a different path.

Although some marriages look good, they are talented and beautiful, and their families are rich, but when you really step into them, you will find that such marriages are also riddled with holes.

My classmate Ling Na has been in love since college.

Although the boy’s conditions are not very good, he is very motivated and takes good care of her in every possible way.

Who knows, when it’s time to meet her parents, Linna’s parents disagree with her life and death.

They said that they only have one precious daughter, and they should hold it in their hands no matter what.

Because she cared about her parents’ feelings, Linna reluctantly broke up with her boyfriend, and followed her parents’ arrangement to marry a well-known local boy through a blind date.

The boy’s family was engaged in real estate in the early years, with a rich family background.

The parents thought that their daughter would definitely not be bullied now.

But at the class reunion last year, Ling Na admitted that she was not happy at all.

They got married through a blind date, which was just suitable, but had little emotional foundation.

She originally thought that since they were all in the same place and their parents knew each other, it shouldn’t be that difficult to develop a relationship after marriage.

Unexpectedly, not long after we got married, my husband had to go on a business trip because of his busy work, so he went to another place.

The time to come back in a month is numbered.

Although she understands that her husband approves of her, but he is not good at expressing emotions, the life of getting together less and leaving more all the year round makes her feel depressed, and the idea of ​​cultivating a relationship with her husband has faded day by day.

What made her even more unacceptable was that her mother-in-law was always urging her to have a baby.

“If you marry into our family, you will have more children, and we can afford them anyway.”

Every morning and evening, I will bring her a bowl of soup and medicine, saying that it is perfect for preparing for pregnancy;

They also confiscated her cosmetics and high heels, saying it was not good for the baby.

At this time, she would wonder if she was just a reproductive tool of this family.

It was also at this time that she would always think of the ex-boyfriend who would considerately buy her breakfast in college and put a coat on her when the cold was chilling in the middle of the night.

Every dead of night, she regrets:

Why did you listen to the arrangement of your parents and marry such a man;

Why can’t I persevere and chase my true love.

After reading her experience, I understand that sentence more and more:

There is a hard truth in this world: no matter who you marry, you will regret it.

In this life, no matter what you choose, you have to give up something, because the reality is like this:

“He who has money has no time, and he who has time has no money;

There are many temptations for good-looking people, but I don’t like ugly ones;

You find honest people boring, and interesting people feel lazy.

Even if you marry the person you love, how long can you love him?

Those who are happily married do not find the right person, but choose each other to see the good side of each other. ”

Yes, look at each other’s good side, and don’t cling to each other’s less perfect parts.

Perhaps, is the best way to manage a marriage.

improve marriage

start with small changes

So, how should we see the good side of each other?

There is an answer in psychology: deliberate practice .

It is also very simple to operate, only two steps:

1. Do not label the other party

When we get along with someone for too long, we will always label the other person unconsciously.

for example:

He didn’t get a promotion and salary increase, that is, he was “not motivated”;

She failed to clean up the housework in time, which is “lazy”.

When we look at a person with label thinking, it seems that everything he does is wrong.

We will constantly hint to ourselves: This is who he is, and he cannot change at all.

As a result, you will continue to quarrel over small things. Excessive quarrels consume your experience and also consume your feelings internally.

As a result, more and more contradictions arise, and then they begin to doubt the marriage and their partners.

And a qualified partner will definitely know how to look at each other without stereotypes.

The first step to improving your intimate relationship: tear off the labels you put on each other!

2. See small changes in the other party

A person’s change often happens in tiny places.

For example, he has a social event after get off work today and has reported to you.

Or, when he went out today, he threw away the trash.

Don’t ignore such small changes, capture and praise the other party in time, tell him:

Dear, these are all traces of your love for me.

Only changes that get feedback will be retained, accumulated, and gradually become larger changes.

When you affirm each other’s changes, the relationship will be handled naturally.

I’ve seen a description, it’s very apt:

Marriage is two people walking together, not swaggering on the road together, but walking side by side for each other on a small road, moving forward together.

You know, regret is inevitable in a person’s life.

When you have made a choice but are not satisfied with this choice, what you have to do is not to regret and complain all the time, but to jump out of your emotions, do things, tolerate, and change .

Even if you can’t change the other party, at least in the process, you have gained a more rational and powerful self.

Let’s encourage each other.

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