Life

The Uselessness of Love in the Bustling Urban Forest

In the bustling urban forest, talking about love is like a business war game. Efficiency, value, function, label, and the first meeting should also pursue the maximum rebate. However, the most sincere emotions may be hidden in those short and useless moments of life.

Sitting by the floor-to-ceiling windows of the coffee shop, I often think about the necessary but useless things in our lives, is the protective film of a book before it is unpacked, is it necessary? necessary. useless? useless. To read a book, you have to remove the protective film from the cover and throw it in the trash. Before a cup of hot coffee arrives, the waiter will consciously put a cup sleeve on you. Is it necessary? necessary. useless? useless. The cooling time of the coffee is shorter than we thought, maybe before the coffee is finished, it is torn out of shape by our itchy hands, or even disassembled. Is it necessary to take screenshots of mobile phones that are pressed for one second because of fun or gossip? necessary. useless? useless. After sending to those who want to share, these “interesting” become electronic waste, stored in your social software cache, consuming the memory of your phone, and when you go back to clean up, you won’t even look at it again, Just clear it. There are many more of the same things, such as express packaging bags, skin care product manuals, printed lists on takeaway bags…

Similarly, to some extent, love is also defined as such by many people.

Is it necessary? necessary. useless? useless.

Once we were drinking in a certain bar in Gongti, one of my friends asked me drunkenly, when will his love come? I can’t give him an answer to this question. Of course he was waiting for some instructions from me. He just looked at me like a moron and asked if I could introduce him to someone. Of course I am a very enthusiastic person, and soon introduced him to a friend close to me. We had a disco dance under the influence of alcohol that day, and then they had a date, and I left quickly to give them a chance, and they went home that night. Later, according to him, they just lay quietly on the bed all night, except for embracing and sleeping, without any unnecessary movements, like a ritual, if you want to give some leeway to the follow-up relationship, it doesn’t have to be done overnight.

After that, they dated, met, dated, and met again. It seemed that the relationship hadn’t progressed, and people around him began to worry about him. After the seventeenth night when they slept together, he chose to do it, but the other party refused, on the grounds that he was not ready yet. Of course, this is normal, he understood, he didn’t force it, and in the countless nights that followed, he also waited silently, until one day three months later, he knew from others that the other party had actually been having other relationships, And he is very addicted to sex, but to him, he is like a fish that cannot be caught. He had to wonder if it was his own problem, or the other party wanted too much to make the relationship official, and the answer that there was no answer was that one drunken night, he finished the phone call hysterically and broke up.

He said that love makes people crazy, and all normal people will go crazy because of love. The moment they go crazy, they seem to have taken hallucinogens, but when they wake up soon, their hearts are barren.

He is in his early thirties, tall, with a typical northern appearance. He has a strong temper, enthusiasm, and childishness, but he has a mature face. He gives people a feeling that he is not approachable, but once you get close, you will find that he is very attentive. A typical Capricorn, repelling the outside world, but eager to blend in, has strong self-esteem, and sometimes becomes a kind of conceited, picky, and vulgar, but does not want to fall into the world, and strives to walk up and become a new person.

His relationship with his predecessor was very twisted. When we were together, we often quarreled and fought. After we separated, we became friends who talked about everything. Wechat and phone every day, sharing every aspect of life. They were together for one year and three months. During the time they were together, he jumped back and forth between irritability and tenderness. He drove to pick up his partner to go shopping. The two of them could quarrel because of his poor parking skills. Flip. After the separation, he reflected on his driving skills, practiced carefully, and still couldn’t pass the side parking, but he tacitly agreed in his heart that what his ex said was right, but he couldn’t hold back his face.

I said that a personality like yours is not suitable for love, and he said that he knows that it is not suitable, but it does not mean that he does not need it. A long time alone needs to be filled with some emotional value. Work allows him to recognize his appearance, but love makes him Enrich your heart. I said, no, love will not enrich your heart, it will only consume your emotions. The sweet part is only a moment of thunder and fire, and the rest is the anger of wanting to betray. Unless you can accept that both parties are free, this kind of freedom does not mean being unrestrained in the relationship, but that you are willing to treat your relationship loosely and treat others and yourself without tension.

Later, he had countless dates again, and each time he conducted a seamless investigation on the other party when he was about to start. Filled with lies, his investigations shatter every relationship that develops, and no one wants to be with someone who doesn’t trust them. And every time he hastily ended a relationship, he would tell me that he was afraid that he would not love anymore, and he didn’t know how to love someone, but this is a problem of contemporary people, not his problem alone.

He has a strong desire to talk, he needs someone who can listen to him, but he can’t find such a person, he can only tell these stories with his friends, most of these stories are about his work, life, ideals And his unrealistic love fantasy, sometimes I will tell him directly, why don’t you just work hard and stop thinking about love. Compared with rich assets, love is worthless to you. You make money, spend money, and buy everything you want. Material things can fill your empty heart, at least you can see and feel it. Love is like venture capital. You don’t have that partial wealth luck. He is immune to this kind of rhetoric, he said, yes, but he still wants to have it, even if he only pursues this kind of pure uselessness, it is also a life lesson that he cannot give up.

When he is drunk, he will become the mic bully in the box, he will unceremoniously grab other people’s microphones, he will insert other people’s playlists, and he will be immersed in the atmosphere of self-indulgence. He doesn’t drink well, but he likes to drink. After getting drunk, he would jump around in the disco of Gongti. Before dawn, he would squat on the side of the road and vomit crazily, and then prove his loneliness. He is a person who can’t suppress his emotions and likes to post small compositions in Moments or share sad songs late at night. His writing is hypocritical, without any style, like a passage of chicken soup intercepted from the Internet, but he expresses himself seriously and straightforwardly, letting others see his true appearance without any concealment.

Many years ago, when I first met him, he was in the double trough of his career and love. At that time, his partner cheated on him and abandoned him on an unknown street in Beijing. He treated that relationship with heart, and later found that Just in vain. His uncertainty and insecurity about love are the seeds planted at that time. Many people who don’t trust love have more or less the same experience as him. That day we were walking along a small river near Liufang, he asked me if I smoked, I said no, then I listened to him tell his love story, at the end, he asked me, do you want to introduce someone to me ?

After that day, I brought him to meet many friends around me. In the summer of 2018, we had crazy parties at my home in Shilipu, drinking and chatting every day until three or four in the middle of the night, until it was almost dawn, and they took a taxi directly to work. For me, it was like a memorable summer vacation. In my house, he met many friends, which of course had nothing to do with love. Later, once, he said that he actually crushed one of them on the spot. They secretly dated for a while, but the relationship quickly dissipated, and they returned to the position of friends, as if nothing happened. It became a kind of interlude in the long-term friendship , Silent advertising, no revenue, was cut off soon.

He said that the meaningless love crush was an extremely sweet time in his memory. They did not confirm their relationship, but he was sure that they did have some kind of affection different from friendship. They removed the protective film of the book cover, They tore off the sleeve of the coffee cup and emptied the e-waste cache in the mobile phone, but they left their inner imprint.

Later, a few of us drove to Ulan Butong by ourselves. We watched the bright moon that night, and walked aimlessly to a large barren grassland during the day, with sheep and horses, and the wind blowing trees Under the canopy is the shepherd and shepherd’s emptiness. At night we nestled together to watch horror movies, and finally I fell asleep drowsily. I took a vlog with the camera and uploaded it to my social platform. These In the daily episodes that seem to have no plot, there is a secret relationship between him and that friend. In retrospect, it is interesting and meaningful.

Many years later, he has already passed the age of 30, and he no longer has the expectation of love a few years ago. He has experienced impulsive feelings in a hurry, and he has also tried long-term stable relationships that want to go to the future together. In a big city In the movie, people come and go and change, so that he no longer longs for any eternal spiritual fantasy. He admits that love or heartbeat are short and useless moments of life. Once a person admits the facts and sees the truth clearly, the inner feelings Free and easy is all shown on the face. All kinds of superstitions about constellations, blood types, horoscopes, and MBTI are not as good as real skin-to-skin relationships, not as good as those heart-stirring moments when they meet, and not as good as he does not expect the future and immerses himself in momentary joy. The acquisition of emotion is lost to life The impermanence of life, not defining the length of love is the basic quality to truly find love.

He bought a house in Beijing, was promoted, and has more friends. He is willing to participate in social activities, and often hides at home playing cats and cats. He watches those sweet idol dramas, smokes and drinks mindlessly. Sometimes he would open social software to see people nearby. He was ashamed to talk about his sexual experience, but he was happy to share all kinds of people he met recently. He crawled out of intimacy, and then seemed to sit On the seesaw, wait for another person to interact with him.

After all, 2018 has passed. The friends we drank and chatted with all night gradually disappeared that year. Some people left Beijing, some people left our circle, and some people still drank, but chose to drink alone. . When he was driving, he would sing songs from ten years ago, remembering the summer when we disappeared.

One night, he asked me to take a bath. In the pool, he leaned against the edge of the water wave massage and said to me, do you want to introduce someone to me? I want to go on a trip, and it would be nice to have a companion that I can play with.

The water waves in the bathhouse reflected the lights cast from the ceiling, shining brightly, as if he raised the brandy in his glass. He said, come, cheers, to our pure useless love.

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