Understanding True Love: Moving Beyond Jealousy, Dependence and Conditional Affection

You profess your adoration for your spouse, yet your affection encompasses not only the delights of intimacy and the comforts of domesticity but also the nurturing of your offspring. You find yourself reliant upon her, while she bestows upon you her physical, emotional, and uplifting sense of security and well-being. However, when she succumbs to ennui and absconds with another, abandoning you, the devastating consequences disrupt your emotional equilibrium. You are unable to endure such transformative change, thus engendering what is commonly known as jealousy, a conflation of anxiety, animosity, and, regrettably, even violence. It becomes evident that your love is naught but a conditional sentiment: ‘As long as you are mine, I shall cherish you; otherwise, I despise you. I rely on you for my carnal and other desires, and I love you. Yet, once you fail to gratify me, my affection wanes.’ Hence, an inherent antagonism ensues between you and your beloved; as long as you perceive yourselves as two opposing existences, love shall dissipate. Only by ceasing the creation of such conflicting circumstances, terminating the ceaseless internal battles, may you perchance begin to fathom the true essence of love. Only then can both she and you attain genuine liberation, for if you seek solace solely from her, you become enslaved to her. Therefore, genuine love necessitates the enjoyment of freedom, not the act of plundering from the other, but rather an organic emergence from the depths of one’s heart.

This state of belonging and psychological dependence upon others for sustenance often begets anxiety, fear, jealousy, and guilt. Where fear resides, love cannot thrive. A heart beleaguered by sorrow shall forever remain estranged from love. Sentimentality bears no relation to love whatsoever, and love, in turn, is detached from mere pleasure or desire.

Love is not a construct of cogitation, for thought resides in the realm of the past and is incapable of birthing love. Love knows no bounds, nor does it harbor envy, as jealousy is a vestige of the past, while love forever resides in the living present. It is never a matter of ‘I shall love’ or ‘I have loved.’

If one truly comprehends love, one shall not blindly follow another. Love is not an act of surrender, and within the realm of love, respect and disrespect hold no sway.

Do you apprehend the significance of loving another? Can you fathom a state devoid of hatred, envy, anger, interference in the thoughts and actions of the other, free from condemnation and comparison? If you love another with the entirety of your heart, soul, body, and being, do you feel the need for comparison? When one has wholly relinquished oneself in the name of love, there remains naught to compare.

Does love entail obligations and responsibilities? Is there a need to verbalize such concepts? Can love exist whilst acting out of a sense of duty? There is no love within the confines of responsibility.

The very structure of responsibility in which human beings find themselves ensnared has invariably undermined itself. When one is compelled to act out of a sense of obligation, one cannot love that which one does.

Wherever love goes, neither responsibility nor obligation shall follow.

Regrettably, most parents perceive themselves as bound by duty toward their children, thereby dictating their actions and imparting directives as to who their children should become and who they should not. Parents perpetually yearn for their children to secure a stable position within society, thus their so-called responsibility merely entails bequeathing to their offspring the esteemed status and reputation esteemed by preceding generations.

By chasing after status and reputation, humanity disrupts the harmony and order of nature. What parents often prioritize is fostering the creation of yet another conventionally ordinary individual. Superficially, they may appear to be aiding their children in adapting to society, yet, in truth, they inadvertently fuel the conflicts, violence, and wars that afflict the world. Can such actions truly be labeled as love and care?

Authentic care resembles the nurturing of a plant, tending to its needs, providing fertile soil, and cultivating it with tenderness and affection.

However, if you exclusively train your children to adapt to society, you are, in essence, training them to engage in perpetual strife, leaving them susceptible to being crushed by society. If you genuinely love your children, why would you encourage them to partake in this human struggle?

Sadness stems from a false sense of self, not from love.

When you lose a beloved individual, tears may flow, but for whom do these tears truly fall—for yourself or for the departed? Have you ever shed tears for another? Have you wept for a son lost in battle? And if you have, were those tears steeped in self-pity or shed for the departed?

If your grief is self-centered, then your tears are in vain, for you merely commiserate with your own plight. However, ifyour tears are shed in genuine empathy and compassion for the departed, then they bear the essence of love.

Love is not an emotion that can be summoned or dismissed at will. It is not a transaction or a negotiation. Love knows no boundaries or limitations. It is not confined to a romantic partner or a family member. Love is a state of being, a way of existing in the world.

To truly love another, you must first love yourself. Not in a narcissistic or self-centered manner, but in a deep and profound appreciation for your own existence. When you love yourself, you are able to extend that love to others without expecting anything in return.

Love is not possessive or controlling. It does not seek to dominate or manipulate. Love is freedom. It is the recognition and celebration of the inherent worth and dignity of every individual.

In the realm of love, there is no room for jealousy or envy. Love is not scarce or limited. It is abundant and boundless. When you love someone, you rejoice in their happiness and success, rather than feeling threatened or resentful.

Love requires vulnerability. It means opening your heart and allowing yourself to be seen and known. Love is not about wearing masks or playing games. It is about authenticity and honesty.

Love is not static or stagnant. It is dynamic and ever-evolving. Love requires effort and commitment. It is a continuous process of growth and transformation.

Ultimately, love is a choice. It is a conscious decision to act with kindness, compassion, and respect towards others. Love is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

So, if you truly want to understand love, let go of expectations and attachments. Embrace the beauty of impermanence and embrace the present moment. Love fully, love unconditionally, and love without reservation. In doing so, you will discover the profound joy and fulfillment that love brings.

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