Life

Why We Look for Partners who Can Fulfill Our Childhood Needs: Understanding the Roles of Archetypal Projection and the Script for Intimacy Formed in Early Life

Why do people fall in love? Many people believe that falling in love has two purposes. One is to satisfy their sexual needs, and the other is to prepare for marriage and have children. So why have children?
Some people carry on the family lineage according to traditional ideas, and some people make life more colorful because these people prefer children.
Most people just go with the flow. In fact, there is another reason for the existence of love. British psychologists believe that falling in love with someone is actually to find someone who can replace the mother. Does this statement make sense?

It makes so much sense. We can find that when some people are in love or getting married, they can hope that the other party will help them wash clothes, cook, and talk to themselves.
In other words, taking care of everything about yourself, isn’t this what mothers do?
Men or women will try their best to pursue each other. This is exactly what an elder would do, especially a mother.

01 Archetypal projection and mate selection tendencies

Because in a family, the mother takes care of her children meticulously and attentively. So why not let his mother be inseparable from him but find a substitute?
There is currently no reasonable explanation. One theory is that as time goes by, the mother gets older and her ability to take care of herself begins to decline, so some people hope to find a new goal.

In addition, many families do not have one child, and sometimes care may be uneven. As the children grow older, they become more independent-minded and have a stronger desire to possess. The more they want exclusive discounts, in this case, they will fall in love.
Because when you are in love, you usually only interact with one woman or man, and your relationship with them becomes more and more intimate, and you take more and more care of them.
At this time, I found the feeling of being cared for by my mother. As for whether the person in love looks like his mother, it is no longer important. What is important is what he can do for himself. Originally this is a normal phenomenon, but sometimes extremes occur.
For example, some people have very obvious Oedipus emotions.

When I grow up, I hope to live in the same room with my mother so that my mother can take care of me at any time, even if I get married. However, this situation is a pathology and needs to be corrected. Because humans are not animals after all.
Of course, it is not advisable to go to the extreme of being indifferent to your mother’s safety or even getting angry when you grow up. People must have a correct concept of love. The purpose of love is to find someone with whom they can talk about their joys and sorrows and take care of each other’s daily life, but it cannot be based on the Oedipus plot.
If you stand on the Oedipus plot, then there may be such a situation, that is, the status in life is unequal, one party is always asking for it, and the other party is constantly giving. Once one party is psychologically unbalanced, then the love or marriage will come to an end. .

Of course, machismo in marriage and love is also undesirable.
Having the final say on everything, just like a king, will also make the other party feel inferior, depressed, and incomprehensible, and eventually the two will break up.

02 The script for intimacy is childhood?

A correct love relationship is tolerant of each other rather than accommodating each other, able to communicate frequently, able to tolerate each other’s shortcomings while correcting each other’s shortcomings, and able to see each other’s strengths instead of only seeing shortcomings.
You must have a certain degree of independence financially and don’t have an iron wall emotionally. Don’t let the other party know everything about you in the name of protecting privacy. This will make the other party suspect that he has been cuckolded, and it will be difficult for both parties to continue on the road of love and marriage.

However, in reality, the Oedipus plot often appears. How can we eliminate the Oedipus plot?
Therefore, parents should pay attention to methods when educating their children from an early age, and should balance the work and degree that parents do in raising babies. Fathers must not be hands-off shopkeepers and leave everything to mothers.
At this time, in the immature world view, the baby will think that the mother has given him everything, and if he has any difficulties, he can go to the mother. Only the mother is the closest person to him.
Therefore, the Oedipus complex becomes stronger and stronger, so that even in middle age, I still cannot get rid of this ideological bondage.
During the period of infants and young children, especially before the age of three, parents of infants and young children have to feed their infants milk powder, train their infants to play, and learn essential life knowledge with their infants.

Establish the concept of equality between men and women in the young minds of children, making them think that father and mother are equally important.
One issue that needs special emphasis is that in ordinary families, beating and scolding children may happen to the father more often, while the mother usually plays a protective role.
If a father cannot control his temper, often beats and scolds his children at home, or even has a bad attitude towards infants and young children, then the Oedipus complex may become stronger at this time.
In order to avoid the occurrence of the Oedipus complex, it is necessary to appropriately change the proportion of parents’ tasks in taking care of the baby. However, it cannot go to the other extreme, that is, the Electra complex will occur and the mother’s status will become dispensable.

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