The best respect is consideration

   1 On the
   first day of the new year, I unexpectedly received a small gift from my colleague Haruko.
   There is a card attached to the gift box. In addition to the New Year’s message, there is also a paragraph written to express my gratitude to me:
  ”Since I took over my current position for so long, every time when I was very busy at work, I can always hear you tell me that it’s hard. It’s said that the workplace is not easy, but I’m very fortunate to have you understand me.” The
   card is handwritten. Although there are not many words, it can clearly be read by colleagues.
   Haruko is a post-90s girl who has taken over as the office supervisor since last year. The nature of the post determines that she not only has to deal with the work of this department, but also comprehensively coordinate the affairs of various departments, so she is very busy at work and working overtime is normal.
   For our staff in various departments, it may be simply to implement the tasks after the meeting, but she has to start with preparations before the meeting, record during the meeting, collect and feedback after the meeting, the same. Can’t fall.
   Because I usually have the habit of staying in the office to write at night, Haruko and I are often the only two people left in the huge office building. Seeing her alone working overtime, I usually go over and pat her on the shoulder and cheer her up by the way.
   Of course, for me, these are actually just a matter of effort, and I never thought that she would remember it in her heart because of this.
   After this, I happened to have the opportunity to go out to work with Haruko, talk about the card, and praise her for her thoughtfulness.
   She smiled shyly and said that she had experienced many moments of incomprehension, so she was grateful for every understanding from others, because she knew it was not taken for granted.
   It is true. Everyone knows the principle that people should respect each other, but it is not easy to do this in life. After all, many times, people are accustomed to thinking based on their own standards, and it is difficult to understand the difficulties of others from the perspective of others.
   “Because you understand, so be compassionate.” Putting these eight words in interpersonal relationships is equally applicable.
   The so-called understanding is actually the difficulty of seeing others. Only in this way can there be real respect among people.
   Because in this process, you really put the other person in the same important position as yourself, and treat and understand with your heart, instead of saving others with yourself.
   Not long ago, a reader asked me to chat and said a lot of troubles.
   After graduating from university, she and her best friend stayed in the local area to work and rented a flat together. Unexpectedly, the bestie soon found a job, but she always hit the wall repeatedly in the interview. Up to now, half a year has passed, and she is still in a jobless state.
   Without a job, rent naturally becomes a problem. For this reason, my best friend helped pay for the rent several times, until this month, she suddenly offered to let her pay for it herself.
   When talking about this, her tone was full of complaints, to the effect that the other party knew that she was in financial difficulties now, and he had to care about the rent with her. Could it be that she was worried about her character and afraid that after she got a job? Don’t return the money to her.
   After listening to her, I didn’t refute, but just asked her: “Have you ever thought about it, maybe your girlfriend is also relatively tight recently, or there are other places where you need to spend more money at the end of the year?”
   She soon asked her the other way around. Me: “Then she can tell me if she has difficulties, why do I have to guess?”
  ”You said she doesn’t understand you, but, don’t you even think about empathy and don’t want to do it for her?” For my next question, she fell silent on WeChat.
   You see, is this very self-contradictory.
   On the one hand, you think how good you are to a person, and you care a lot about that person. When you encounter conflicts, you can’t even do the most basic understanding.
   Even, the more some people take for granted the people they consider close, and feel that the other person should understand themselves according to their own standards, and they are very clear when they provoke the other person’s faults, and there is no half of understanding at all.
   Over time, many relationships have come to an end in this way.
   No matter how good the relationship is, it needs to be built on the basis of being seen. I know your hardships, you know my hardships, we are considerate of each other, and it is always the most fundamental prerequisite for maintaining a relationship.
   3 I have
   read this sentence: Don’t ask others to do what you can’t do. Even if you do it yourself, you have no right to ask others to do it.
   This sentence seems simple, but when we have a certain life experience, we will find that it actually contains deep life wisdom.
   Now, when I look at many people and things around me, I adhere to two principles:
   one is to understand the ins and outs as clearly as possible, and not to express opinions easily on things that are not clear; the
   other is to ask yourself if you change it. I’m in that situation, under that condition, will I do better than the other party? If not, then I will give my respect and understanding.
   It is always easy to blame and demand others, but this does not make our lives better. In fact, when we are used to standing and talking without backache, we are actually setting a bottleneck for our future.
   With this kind of thinking, your mind will become narrower and more prejudiced when you deal with problems. In the end, you will lose not only popularity, but also your inner peace and happiness.
   Life is not easy. In fact, the so-called respect does not require any profound words or touching actions. As long as you can be more considerate and understanding of others at all times, it is enough.
   You compare your heart to your heart, and I change your heart to heart.
   This is the best respect.
   Life is long, and I hope everyone we meet can treat each other kindly, live up to the encounter, and use tolerance and understanding to achieve a better life together.