A mother accompanied her daughter suffering from depression for psychological counseling. Once, after finishing counseling, the mother consulted me alone, and she didn’t know what to do to understand her. She felt that she had worked hard for her daughter, but her daughter did not appreciate her, she only resented her, and rarely spoke in front of her, even the “mother” did not want to yell, she said and wept with tears. In fact, from chatting with her daughter, I feel that her daughter does not have much resentment towards her mother. She only complains that her mother treats her younger brother better, and the mother does not understand her, but the girl knows that her mother still loves her very much, in order to give her The treatment was also very tiring and hard work. A few times the girl wanted to commit suicide, but she stopped when she thought that her mother would be sad.
Depression is like an invisible net that you weave for yourself. You can only feel it but you can’t catch it. When you get into it firmly, the more you struggle, the tighter the net shrinks. Gradually, you will suffocate. Die. Depressed patients feel sad and hesitate, but others can’t really feel it. So what should the family members of depression patients do to help depressed patients?
First of all, we must understand the patient’s behavior from the perspective of the disease, regardless of the patient’s attitude. Depression is a special disease. Patients’ thinking, emotions, and behaviors are different from those of ordinary people, and they cannot be demanded by the requirements of normal people. Therefore, the family members of depression patients must have a mentality of “whether they have a clear conscience and don’t care about the patient’s attitude”. If the family members of the patient achieve unconditional love, the patient can feel it, which is also very conducive to the recovery of the disease. Many related reports have proved that the love of family members for patients can warm their hearts and give them the courage to overcome pain. It can be seen that family love is an indispensable medicine in the treatment of depression.
Secondly, we must understand the patient’s pain and needs from the patient’s perspective. When the family members of the patient care about the patient with an approved attitude and unconditional support, they usually get benign communication. I heard many patients tell me with great disappointment that their relatives regard themselves as “alien” with mental problems, and they say they support themselves unconditionally, but the actual practice is quite different. Most people think that patients are fragile, narrow-minded, and have nothing to do. They even try to change patients by doing ideological work. The result is mostly that they are not opportunistic, and people who are close cannot have good communication.
Finally, the patient’s family members should listen and accompany. You know, unspeakable suffering is the most painful. If the patient can tell the pain in his heart, it will be like dumping the garbage, and with your listening, it will be like throwing garbage into the trash can, and the patient will feel relieved. After listening, you don’t need to comfort and encourage the patient. You can express your feelings and thoughts or ask the patient for help. If you don’t understand the darkness of night during the day, comfort and encouragement can easily backfire for depression patients. In particular, it is encouraged that patients will pay special attention to their expectations in order to repay their relatives or people they trust for their dedication and support, and try their best to move towards their expectations. However, until the symptoms of depression are not improved, the patient’s thinking and behavior are unmotivated. Thinking about it but not being able to do it will only make the patient more frustrated and the confidence even more undermined. Therefore, when a patient is sad and crying, all we can do is to hand over a tissue and accompany him in pain. If it is convenient, we can give the patient a physical snuggle, let the patient feel the warmth of their loved ones, and gain a sense of spiritual security. Feel his pain and accompany him a little bit of progress, this is the greatest comfort to the patient.