Is the pet a third person in your marriage or…

Nowadays, more and more partners keep pets together, and the influence of pets on feelings has become a topic of concern to everyone. Before, Deng Chao sent a video of “Sun Li giving a dog a massage” and sighed “Life is not as good as a dog”, which also attracted many fans’ resonance.

Pets are not humans, but they can affect the emotions of their owners, and sometimes even play an important role in intimacy. So, in a relationship, will pets become “third parties” or “lubricants”? We launched a survey on the new media platform for marriage and family. Of the 3817 valid questionnaires recovered, 25% said that they or someone close to them had a pet with their partner. 78% of people think that pets will become “lubricants”, adding more fun to intimate relationships.

Next, let’s listen to your opinions.

What role do pets play between partners? Different people will have different views.

Earlier, “Marriage and Family” magazine had an interview with actor Dong Yong, and he and his wife “Mr. Zheng” were attached to pets. Dong Yong said that when he first met, he was not proactive with his personality. But when he parted, he left the dog “Xiao Duo Duo”, a dog he had kept for many years, to Teacher Zheng, saying that his father was afraid of the dog and his sister-in-law was busy. No one took care of it when he left, so he had to trust her. Since then, the two have been on the phone several times a day, and they are talking about “Xiao Duo Duo” eating, drinking and drinking, slowly talking about their feelings, and finally becoming a family.

Such an example, I believe many people have experienced it? Therefore, it is no wonder that so many people check the “lubricant” option when they are surveyed. However, the impact of pets is not entirely positive. The Marriage Mediation Office of Nangang District in Harbin announced a case of family conflicts caused by cats and dogs: after the young couple had a Pekingese dog, the puppies were sleeping in the marriage bed every day. The owner shouted “Wang Wang”. The hostess threw the puppy out at once, but the hostess stopped doing it, making a noise and saying, “Divorce if you can’t find it back!”

It is also a pet. Why do some people interact positively and some people make noises? In the final analysis, everyone has different emotional patterns, and pets are just a tool for embodying emotional patterns.

Like most people represented by C and D, the emotional patterns tend to be healthy: usually, they will have normal communication with the people around them, and the arrival of pets will make these communication more abundant. As a result, these people will feel “pets make our relationship better.” Similarly, when arguing, their character also tends to resolve disputes, and pets are only a means for them to achieve results.

In contrast, some people who think that pets are third parties will emphasize that pets are bad. Like those who choose A, some people think that the macaw is very exclusive, and some people say that the male cat does not like the male owner, so he has to accompany the cat and neglect his partner. However, when you think about it, these reasons are untenable. After all, if there is no problem with two people, and a pet likes to monopolize, how can it really be compared with a partner? It is naive to blame the problem on a pet.

B more reflects the pet owner’s own problems: reluctance to communicate, blindly avoiding, this emotional model is more like “avoidance attachment”. Regardless of whether or not a pet acts as a “shield”, this kind of person’s feelings are to hide as soon as there is a wind and a grass.

The results of this survey show three attitudes of partners in coping with problems.

68% of them chose C, which is a constructive attitude and contains two advantages: First, they tend to solve problems when they encounter disputes. They will find the reason, clear the obstacles, and then continue to work together. Second, I will look at the essence through the surface and understand that “the source of the dispute between the two is between the two”. Although pets are regarded as third parties, the essence is that there is a crack in the intimate relationship, so they focus on “why” rather than “breeding or not”. This vision will be conducive to the healthy development of intimate relationships.

The person who chooses A, when dealing with problems, focuses more on the present rather than the essence. When they see pets causing disputes, they don’t keep them directly, thinking that they can avoid trouble. Of course, this will sometimes work, but sometimes it will lead to greater scourge. For example, the wife is dissatisfied with her husband for a long time, and raises a kitten to seek solace. Husband doesn’t like it and won’t let her raise. At this time, the wife loses her only emotional comfort, and the relationship with her husband will be worse.

The person who chooses B will shelve the problem and includes ignoring and confronting the partner. It was as if he knew that pets had already dissatisfied his partner, but still asked me to do his own thing, which would undoubtedly make the problem worse. At the same time, this also reflects the lack of pet owners to cope with the problem. The inability to gracefully give in or seek a win-win situation, when there is a gap between the two, self-deception and deception by the idea of ​​”pets are the third party, pets are better than people!” will also make their emotional path difficult.

This survey option reveals the three key points of a partner’s business feelings. Those who can increase their feelings by raising pets often benefit from these three aspects.

54% choose B, thinking that active communication can make pets a messenger of love. This ratio shows that after years of education on marriage and love, many people understand the importance of “communication” in long-term relationships. In the long life, the differences of the partners will appear anytime and anywhere, this is the case with pets, and the same with other people. Only when people have the desire to communicate and come up with a positive problem-solving attitude can pets build a bridge of love as a lubricant.

26% of people choose A, showing that they value a traditional concept: “matching”. The two people need to be like-minded to easily resonate and love, and the differences are easier to resolve. This idea has already been accepted by everyone. Just like before, Hong Kong star Sun Yaowei had been broke out. He has been sleeping with pets for two years since he was married. In this regard, many people have expressed incomprehension. However, Sun Yaowei said frankly that he and his wife are very harmonious, and they only need to take care of the room where four cats and one dog are divided, and they have a consensus with each other, so it is not a big deal. Such an example is a kind of “pairing”. Only two people who love pets together can truly understand the meaning behind the room separation, so that the affection of pets tends to be more positive than negative.

20% of people choose C. These people are good at finding good emotional resources to nurture intimate relationships. They take care of pets while enjoying their various benefits, such as companionship, soothing, listening, protection, etc. The psychological functions brought about by these pets have been increasingly revealed by scientists in recent years. American scientists Alan Baker and Aaron Katcher found that keeping a puppy for a long time would lower blood pressure, slow heart rate, breathe more regularly, and relax muscles… So, one adjusts with pets The host in good condition will bring more happiness to the partner when he returns to his partner.

Pets have many positive effects on humans, so most investigators value them as emotional “lubricants”. Of course, this does not mean that everyone must have a pet. In fact, keeping pets is a very personal thing. Some people are willing, and naturally some people resist. And what we can do is to understand the various methods of adjusting intimate relationships, including “keeping pets”, to feel, to try, and to maintain an open attitude forever. In this way, the intimate relationship will continue to improve through exploration and last for a long time.