Loneliness is a shortcut to self-consciousness

  It must be because it is too cold.
   I encountered a bottleneck a few days ago, and felt a bit boring at this stage in my life. Normally, desire is the driving force of life, and the ideal life of many people may ultimately be related to desire. But at this stage, I have no “absolute” interest in nothing. Without “absolute” interest, there is no “absolute” motivation, so life enters a state of dispensable mediocrity, which is very bad.
   I think it might be a matter of seasons. Maybe in the warm heating and air-conditioning rooms in the city, I can’t feel the influence of the season on people’s condition, but when I shrink in the bed in the mountains, the influence is obvious. There is really a kind of “field” in the season, which is the irresistible force of spring and summer, and autumn and winter. For example, when it comes to the startling sting, the spring thunder is sprouting, and the tigers, leopards, wolfworms are all up, how can you still sleep? So every year when the spring flowers bloom, I always feel very busy, and time does not wait for me. For example, in heavy snow, people are really like those flowers, they can’t open them even if they want to bloom—sometimes work is like blooming, and they want to open their hearts, but their hands and feet are unable to stretch, so they will feel a little tired.
   There is also an environment, the “field” condensed from the overall ideology of the times and humanities, which will also affect everyone in the “field”. The martial arts films filmed in the 1980s and 1990s, although the pictures were rough, were chivalrous. But now the special effects are better presented and the picture quality is clearer, but the chivalry is not so obvious. This is probably the result of the “field” of that era. That kind of mental outlook is now gone in this era, so it can’t be photographed.
   I found that people are easily affected by the external environment-humanity and nature. Until just now, when the wind and snow were blowing, I slipped one step at a time when I went down the mountain, and the whole mountain was only my footsteps. When I was alone in a huge white background, I was suddenly moved by existence, and the uneasy feeling that it didn’t make any sense disappeared all at once.