Active and passive coping

  Today the term “proactivity” is commonly found in management literature, but is not found in most dictionaries. The word means more than just being active, it means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our actions stem from our decisions, not objective conditions. We need to take control of things both proactively and responsibly.
  Consider the term “responsibility,” which consists of “response” and “ability,” the ability to take a response. Active people never blame circumstances or objective conditions to justify their actions. Their actions are based on inner choices based on their own values ​​rather than emotionally manipulated responses to objective conditions.
  In making that choice, we are coping. Negative coping people are often influenced by the objective environment. When the weather is good, they feel good; when the weather is bad, their attitude and performance will be affected. Proactive people can bring good weather on their own. It doesn’t make a difference to them whether it’s raining or sunny, they are driven by values, and if their values ​​are to ensure the quality of work, good or bad weather doesn’t make a difference.
  People who respond negatively are also often influenced by their social environment, or what we call “social weather.” When others treat them well, they feel good; when others treat them badly, they go into self-defense or self-preservation. Negative coping people’s emotions are subject to the actions of others, allowing others to control them.
  And being able to subordinate one’s emotional impulses to values ​​is fundamental to being a proactive person. Negative coping people are driven by emotions, objective conditions, or circumstances, while proactive people are driven by values—the kind that are deliberate, selective, internalized.
  As Elena Roosevelt said, “No one can hurt you if you don’t agree.” Gandhi said, “No one can take away your self-esteem if you don’t agree.” Our attitude hurts us far more than the matter itself hurts us.
  It is not the thing itself that hurts us, but our reaction to it.