Being awake can be painful, but better than pleasing with illusions

  I have to say that many people I meet in my work can bring me philosophical thinking.
  For example, I dealt with a black car driver who was scrambled at the station entrance. This person is usually very glib, and I have never taken his nonsense words to heart. But in the process of punishing him that time, I heard him chatting about one thing, which I think is quite worth pondering.
  He said that he was actually adopted since he was a child, and that his adoptive parents were okay with him, except that he was not very motivated, and his life had always been unsatisfactory. When he was in his early twenties, he learned about his biological mother’s recent situation from others, and he further inquired about her detailed current address.
  Back then, his mother gave birth to him because he was out of wedlock. After she gave birth, she entrusted him to be raised by others, and she never visited his own son, so he didn’t remember her at all. So he made a decision to go to her house in person to see this person, even if it was a casual chat.
  I thought, what are you seeing? A person who abandoned the child for many years and has no intention of repentance, the only connection between the two may be the genetic information in the DNA, she is just the “biological mother” in our forensic opinion.
  If you have this spare time, it is better to be filial to your foster parents.
  But I didn’t bring it up directly. Because I know that he has always acted perversely, and it is not uncommon for him to do many outrageous things. At the same time, as a person who likes to listen to stories, I also have a little curiosity. What if this happens later? For example, what secrets were there back then, what misunderstandings were finally solved, and so on.
  Then he told me that he had made full preparations before going to his biological mother’s house, such as finding a middleman to say hello to his biological mother in advance, and asking that person to accompany him there. meet and greet”.
  I really couldn’t hold back: “What is this money talking about?”
  He blurted out: “I don’t know either, I just don’t think I can’t come to the door empty-handed, it’s not good-looking, let’s buy something, it’s awkward to take anything. .”
  ”And then what?”
  Then he went, and the ending was uneventful. The two of them, plus their mother and her current husband, sat in the small living room with big eyes and small eyes, and chatted politely for 20 minutes. A pair of biological mothers and sons who are like a fake, when they reunited more than 20 years later, they deliberately avoided the unbearable past events of the year, the topics of conversation were disordered and paradoxical, all the irrelevant matters were hurriedly skipped, and the air was so stiff that they almost stretched out their hands. You can pick out the word “embarrassment”.
  In the end, he put down the money, stepped out of the house in the extremely polite send-off of his own mother, and never contacted again.
  I said, “Why are you bothering? She didn’t even want to look for you, and she already had a life of her own. Maybe she would have forgotten about you. If it were me, I wouldn’t go.”
  He thought for a while. , asked me: “Brother, you put it lightly, if you live for more than 20 years and suddenly know where you came from, wouldn’t you be curious at all? You don’t want to see the real person who gave birth to you, from What does she look like when she talks and does things?”
  I was silent for a while: “Then you can also sneak over to see it.”
  He shook his head: “If I don’t try to talk to her, how would I know she doesn’t really care much? Do you want to see me? After I met, I was satisfied with my curiosity, and at the same time gave up my heart. After that, I never moved to find her again.” For no
  reason, I was like an arrow in the back, and I straightened up without realizing it. .
  If I don’t see my biological mother, I will always feel that there is a real mother who misses me in the distance. This is an expectation like a spark, but it is also an obsession like a moon in water. Now that I tried to see it, I found that it was just a big dream in the void, so I quickly woke up and stopped all internal friction.
  On weekdays, why don’t I always have vague expectations for a certain thing or a certain relationship. But I’m afraid of asking for proof, and I’m afraid of asking for a result that I can’t bear, so I’d rather leave myself a breath of hope than take the initiative to wake up the sleeping, possibly cruel truth. Now that I think about it, that’s not hope, it’s just my cowardly pretending to be safe.
  People really have to learn to “try” and “let go”, be brave in life, and be sober and free to be yourself. Occasionally, it will be painful, but it is always better than pleasing with illusions.
  Just like the characters in “Green Book” said: “The world is full of lonely people who are afraid to take the first step.”