Every time she sees this wall, she feels kind and awkward, and the proportion of awkwardness is almost negligible, because at first she didn’t realize her awkwardness at all, and who would go deep into it and explain it in a blink of an eye. the strange feeling? For deja vu, it is always unwittingly natural to feel relaxed and approachable. Actually there are traces. The four broken window frames hung on the gray mottled wall and were about to fly away at any time, reminding her of the small slate-paved windowsill in the village where she looked up at the little dragon man when she was a child. The delicious orange water and sweet candies in the store, as if the taste of the memory came back to her mouth when she saw this wall. There is also an example of her life that was repeatedly mentioned by adults. The memories of her childhood are deeply impressed by the repeated mentions. Every time she mentioned it, she was forced to recall the only feeling she had at that time-the slippery peach core was swallowed up by the throat along with the sobbing sound, and the sound of blood was rumbling in her small ears. An infinitely prolonged time stayed in her ears, and everything around her disappeared. The whiteness of the snow-capped mountains flew out from the old TV, and the overwhelming whiteness suddenly wrapped her tightly and warmly, making her breathless. Sometimes, danger occurs only momentarily. Sometimes the danger is lifted in an instant. Before she could struggle, a passerby noticed her strangeness and rescued her. And she, that little girl, continued to stand on tiptoe with her little head raised, clinging to the window sill and staring at the crying little dragon man on TV, and continued to sob with her, completely unaware that she had been with Death for so long. Years later, her mother told her that the man who saved her had died. After thinking about it for a long time, she couldn’t remember the face of the savior, or some other image of him, there was a vague shadow, she couldn’t tell, and she didn’t know what those strong arms looked like. In retrospect, all I clearly remember is the suffocating whiteness and the rushing sound of blood, and the pain of a slight tear caused by being instantly clamped under the chest, and then the throat rushing into the stiff and reckless air like a cork, I coughed for a while. This instant solution of the crisis is far less profound than the sadness that Xiaolongren couldn’t find her mother at that time. When she was young, she thought that if her mother left her, she would cry even more with Xiaolongren while covering her neck.
It is the most common thing to imagine that what happened to others happened to you. Xiaogu said that Jiang Meng had no sympathy. Jiang Meng doesn’t pay much attention to the news. I don’t care about the news that Xiao Gu said. Xiaogu said that he couldn’t see other people’s miserable lives, especially children. There are so many tragic things in this world that I can’t really sympathize with them. Jiang Meng thought. Xiaogu couldn’t give birth to a child, so he went to major hospitals inside and outside the province, and tried various methods. The child was still not born. In the end, the fallopian tubes on both sides were cut off. The doctor said that her 35-year-old physical function is already in the state of an elderly person in her 60s and 70s. Xiaogu said that she is a hidden disability. Her husband’s derailment made her reluctant to insist on a married life that she could not see the light of. divorce. Go out clean. In just half a month, with a height of 165 cm, she weighed 145 jins and lost 100 jins, so haggard and out of shape. Mingming’s life has been miserable for seven years, but after the divorce, she can see her pain for others in a visible way. Xiaogu said that she was not in pain, she breathed a sigh of relief, and her body quickly withered like a leaking baby. What happened to Xiaogu is much more real than the news. From her point of view, Xiao Gu was crying for her own pain while watching the misery of others. Xiaogu talked about her past lightly, but the content was always thrilling. I don’t dare to worry my parents, I don’t want to trouble others, so I go in and out of the hospital by myself, so many miscarriages, miscarriages, and heavy bleeding. She couldn’t imagine how Xiao Gu felt when she went through it. I only know the helplessness of pain and inexplicable vomiting during childbirth, and the uncontrollable feeling of being slaughtered while lying in the maternity room and the operating table like animals, how disturbing it is. In the maternity room that welcomes the light and the Holy Spirit, there is no obstruction between the beds. Her lower body was exposed in the air, and the shame made her gasp for a while, so she kept pulling Shiro’s quilt to cover her lower body. However, the doctor would come over from time to time to lift the thin quilt, ask her to bend her knees, stretch her hands into her body to explore, probe the opening of the cervix to a few fingers, and tell her not to cover the thin quilt that gives her the only sense of security. . The pain and vomiting made her unable to maintain and explore why she couldn’t make a little shield for shame, so she had to grab the horn to cover her neck, not knowing whether to hold back the foreign body in her throat and keep it from coming out or should she simply vomit, like an oxygen-deficient fish. Opening and closing his dirty mouth, he gasped and swallowed. Every churning in her body made her vomit more. She gradually realized that the pain caused vomiting.
That night plus a day, Jiang Meng couldn’t tell whether the time was long, it was time and space stagnation, the sense of space with hypersensitivity, Jiang Meng’s memories were only pain, vomiting, and the doctor who always had a blurry face like traffic lights Words: take a deep breath… press hard… you have to cut sideways… when I say press hard, use hard… can’t regenerate, both are dangerous – pain makes thinking and action not work well together. Jiang Meng didn’t scold the world like the woman in the bed next door, scolding her husband for not caring for her, scolding her mother-in-law for forcing her to give birth… At that time, she envied this shrew who was full of strength. Following the doctor’s orders had exhausted her. Jiang Meng was not forced to give birth, she was voluntary. She naturally felt that she should choose natural delivery for the sake of a healthier and smarter child. With the force of pooping – sometimes a word is like a key and a door, opening another situation. When her strength was about to be exhausted, and her fear and panic were on the verge of collapse, she finally exerted herself properly and gave birth to her own child with the strength of pooping. The doctor said to her gently: every mother is great. Hearing this sentence, Jiang Meng, who had never shed tears, burst the dyke in an instant, and tears fell into her eyes. Maybe crying with joy. She has her own child. Looking at the newborn baby, she felt a thick layer of calluses slough off, and something unknown inside seemed to be tougher. She was moved by herself.
The feeling of scraping the scalpel in the vagina during the Qing Dynasty, the chills and tremors after the anesthesia, people running around to tell the good news, the contrast of loss that seems relaxed and usually not paid attention to because of the safe completion of labor, every time I think of the conditioned reflex of giving birth The physical pain that appeared, those pains and emotions that were replayed physically and mentally incomparably clearly made her lingering in fear and could not be eliminated for a long time… Jiang Meng thought, this is not a special experience for ordinary women who have normal and safe childbirth. Emotions that were so weak were re-wrapped in thick cocoons of layers upon layers of chicken soup theories, rarely touched.
Because of this empathy, Jiang Meng felt distressed for Xiaogu. Feel the same.
This cafe is an old house converted. On the bank of a green river, under the swirling willow trees, the mottled wall is old and hidden, and it blends in at the end of a street. The bright and bright shops nearby, which belong to their background color, are in harmony with the old residential area behind, which can be almost ignored on this street, to the point of turning a blind eye. Dazhi used to wander back and forth on the side of the road less than three meters away from the store entrance, looking for “Miss Flower Cafe”, but he couldn’t find it. Until Jiang Meng turned off her phone and stuck her head out of the window to greet her.
In the spring, everything is full of life, and the reptiles are desperately multiplying and squeaking day and night. The creeper on the wall is so crawlable that it crawls all over the house and tends to drive towards the roof. Overly lush is not pleasant, and proper pruning is a must. It was cut off at the root, once and for all.
The signboard is a bit small, and a nail is nailed above the lintel with the damaged skin, and a primary color wooden plate with the words cinnabar engraved on it hangs, which is integrated with the wooden door of the small shop. When the winter had passed and the greenery was just poking his head, the dead ivy was intricately entrenched with its dark brown rhizomes on the original white and now old and mottled exterior walls, crawling all over the facade, haphazardly cluttering. Some plaques are haphazardly plastered on the exterior walls: This store is great! The bitterness and sweetness of coffee depends entirely on the person who drinks it. Listen to some music! Go for a while! How are you? Who are you… These wooden signs are exactly the same as the small shop, the pure natural planks and the surrounding bark are well preserved. Every time she pushed open the broken door, its creaking movement made her harden her throat uncomfortably. She swallowed hard to relieve the awkwardness. She didn’t know what she was embarrassing about, she never noticed it. Until the person left, he said he couldn’t stand her throat sliding up and down so nervously. The sexual suggestion that he had previously regarded as mysterious and charming became neurotic slippage, making her embarrassed and at a loss, and she thought that maybe it was a subconscious fearful stress behavior that was blocked by that peach pit and couldn’t breathe.
He can’t stand her. When did it start? For a long time, Jiang Meng worked hard to review herself, very much agreed with him for pointing out his shortcomings, and wanted to make himself a better version of himself. What is a better me? She is often confused. There are so many things that confuse her, she is unable to explore, so she can only not think about it so much. Cherish the people in front of you, cherish the moment. Are the present and the people in front of you worth cherishing? Jiang Meng didn’t think about it subconsciously, for fear of being devoured by her mind, making life a mess and making people laugh. But the joke was waiting for her in a mocking manner. Those that he felt mysterious and charming at first, lovely and charming after understanding, turning a blind eye and even disgusting after getting bored… The mystery of the changes in emotional behavior manifested in each stage of human beings is psychology, philosophy, social relations and other space sciences Love the topic of discussion. She didn’t dare to think deeply. She believed that the boat would naturally go straight to the bridge. He said the more pleasing she did, the more suffocated he felt. He had thought she would leave first.
She reacted with hindsight, and it turned out that he was forcing her first
To leave, and she did not leave is forcing him to be a villain. Finally, she stopped chasing a “better self”, began to introspect deeply, and began to forgive herself. It turned out that she became Mimi in “Bitter Moon”, accommodating without limit, without self and self-knowledge. Reason told her that she should thank him for leaving, but she felt deeply sorry for holding the child, she was lost in all this, and she hated his irresponsibility. He’s Oscar and Joe.
The wooden door was crumbling, like a crippled, crippled, thin man who could barely stand. With a slight push, there was a creaking noise. There was always a flash of unhappiness when entering and leaving. This is negligible. The aroma of music and coffee can instantly soothe flatten her. After entering the door, the mellow coffee and the smell of wooden decoration make you enter a quiet and lazy space, and the French song “La vie en rose” (Rose Life) is played in the store. Nietzsche said that God alone left the language of angels to the French. The love language is muttering, lazy, and she doesn’t know anything about France, but she is fascinated by this kind of chanson. Jiang Meng regretted looking up the meaning of those songs. As soon as she saw the interpretation of the lyrics, she was defined a certain emotional range. She likes songs that she doesn’t understand, so that the same tune will have different accompanying effects in different emotions, not just the meaning expressed by the lyrics.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l’homme auquel j’appartiens
Those eyes make me lower my eyes
That smile spreads on the lips
That’s an unpainted painting
belong to the man I belong to
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose
Il me dit des mots d’amour
Des mots de tous les jours
Et ca me fait quelque chose
Il est entré dans mon coeur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause
C’est lui pour moi
Moi pour lui dans la vie
Il me l’a dit,l’a juré
Pour la vie
when his eyes caught me
he spoke in a low voice
I saw a rose-like life
He spoke those words of love to me
those everyday words
This is very touching to me
he came into my heart
that part of the joy
i know the reason for it
he lives for me
I’m here for him, in our lives
he told me he swears
Et dès que je l’aper Cois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon coeur qui bat
Des nuits d’amour plus finir
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
Des ennuis, des chagrins s’effacent
Heureux, heureux en mourir
when i think of these
my heart is beating
the night never ends
A great joy took its place
Worries and sorrows are gone
Happy, happy to die
There are four or five high chairs in front of the long bar on the right, and there is a big screen opposite it, playing Richard Linklater’s famous “Love Is” trilogy day and night, with subtitles, but never. Do not turn on the sound. Only chanson music or some other healing light music is played here. She liked what the director said so much: “I wish I could capture what I feel now, instead of just feeling it…” “No one knows how we are intertwined in each other’s lives. There is a sound echoing, but she is the inspiration for the echoing sound…” Jiang Meng felt that the meaning of his Moments was in line with this meaning. Now, everyone is directing their own life blockbuster on the Internet.
That day, he suddenly appeared in this cafe and said to her: I finally found you.
She doesn’t know him.
Like a gust of wind rolling up the wicker, the water ripples below. He looked genuinely happy and a little flustered. After some incoherent explanations—who was he—Jiang Meng remembered—a long time ago (in the autumn of about two years ago), in the garden courtyard of a B&B on Ziyang Street Spring tangerine, egg white sheep tail, seaweed cake, glutinous soup, black jujube wine… The stone table is spread out, she wears earplugs and feasts under the silent moon, alone, chewing slowly. That night, the moon’s eyes were cold, and there was no emotion of romance. She couldn’t even bother to post on the Moments. Because Xiaogu let her dove. At the stall where she could not find a lighter, a man lit a fire from behind her, bent down and handed it over, a little closer, but not offensive. grey area. The relationship between people is very strange, the distance can make the feeling of subtle and inexplicable different feelings. They exchanged WeChat with each other, but after she added it, she just clicked without looking at the settings of his circle of friends. He occasionally likes under the circle of friends she posted, very rarely.
How did you find it? Jiang Meng stared at him in surprise.
I have followed you for a long time. He talked a lot, and it didn’t take long for him to be a familiar friend.
When she didn’t know, he followed her for a long time. He suddenly appeared in front of her, startling her.
Jiang Meng has never cared about the privacy of information, and is ready to use the convenience of the Internet. She felt that defrauding was too far away from her, and liars would not deceive ordinary people like her who had no money, no color, and no secrets. Such thoughts flashed quickly in her mind, and she realized that she really didn’t have any privacy – a circle of friends when she was happy, a circle of friends when she was unhappy, a circle of friends for a dinner party, and a circle of friends watching the scenery alone. In the circle of friends, even receiving a courier and sending it to the circle of friends, and when I found a good place to send it to the circle of friends, I specially showed the location… She often came to this store, and posted some scenery outside the window, a bottle of hydroponic green radish, and a cup of coffee in the circle of friends, A bowl of spaghetti or a 50% filter selfie is a regular occurrence.
Jiang Meng looked at him and didn’t know how to react, but it was undeniable that there was a trace of drift in her heart. The sun slanted between them from the window, forming a light path with flying dust floating on it. He stood on one side, his face a little hazy, half-bright and half-dark. The silence was especially long at this time. He stopped and waited for her to respond. Jiang Meng tapped her neck and swallowed a mouthful of water without showing any traces, and said softly, “Uh, do you have anything to do with me?”
Can’t I find you?
Ah, I don’t know what to say. She laughed.
He sat down opposite Jiang Meng. A black bird flew by the window, its eyes were deep, and it turned back and forth with its neck on its back. I don’t know what it saw, and it flew away after standing for a while. Jumping on the willow tree that flew to the shore, whether it was restless or jumping, she looked at the black bird and was at a loss. They exchanged cell phone numbers. He said he had come to her specifically from Liandu. He tried his best to create a kind of intimacy and indifference that seemed to be invisible. Jiang Meng was a little shy and uneasy, but she also enjoyed the feeling of throbbing in her heart. When a man suddenly appeared in front of her, she felt a little terrified, but her vanity was satisfied. She swallowed saliva slowly and unconsciously from time to time, fingering the non-existent foreign object back and forth around her neck.
Suffering and disaster can also be the wealth of life. Until everyone else is dead, you win. Kotani, who lost weight and lost his haggardness and regained his agility, said.
Jiang Meng murmured: Who knows if we can win or not.
Anyway, I think it is the most cost-effective to live until the moment when you are old and dead and close your eyes! How can you see a rainbow without experiencing wind and rain? All kinds of scenery should be seen. Xiao Gujiao said angrily. Turning his head to Dazhi and Yu Fei, he said: Jiang Meng pretends to be cold, but in reality she is ruthless, don’t think that one day she will be able to dig her heart out for us.
Similar words, Xiaogu always said that she was very unhappy to hear it, and that the word ruthlessness should be returned to Xiaogu. She felt that she had already been digging her heart out for them, but she couldn’t feel it. Ridiculous many times, language is testimony. But dealing with these is very troublesome, Jiang Meng simply wastes his time. For herself, she didn’t know whether the next moment or not this moment was herself, so what’s the point of entangled in a few words that others gave her a judgment. People’s mouths often hang over their belly buttons. No one wants to bother to examine the reasons behind other people’s actions and words. Some might say that explanation equals sophistry.
A word spit out lightly, sometimes, a person dies. That’s how Stong died. The boss said: You just don’t have enough people to swallow an elephant, you have to die a little farther. She went to die, but she wanted to die in front of the company. The office building so high jumped down and smashed to the ground, laying there like eggs. It’s just that the egg whites are dark red and disgusting. People sighed how miserable they were and went on with their lives. Like the chickens on the farm, after being stunned for a while, they continued to stroll around.
The tables, sofa chairs and partitions are made of boat wood of the same color and material. The partitions are made of bookshelves and the ceiling is spliced with the same boat wood and is covered with several postcards. There are various books on it, including recipes, gardening, marriage, etc. Books of happiness, daunting hardcover books marked with world famous books, gray velvet sofas against the bookshelves covered with tree pimple scars, glowing with a strange but wonderful sense of harmony. Old, vicissitudes, suitable for storing stories. She went inside, passed the bar, and walked towards the narrow and cramped stairs. There were some wooden signs hanging on the wall like the outer wall: Are you a reptile? The top is fine, do you want to come up? Life begins when a virgin becomes a woman—every time you see this wooden sign, Dazhi, you turn it over. Later, Xiaogu wrote on the back: Life begins to be bad after a virgin becomes a man. Yu Fei shouted: It seems that nothing is right. One is the pride of men, the other is the resentment of women. Dazhi agrees with Yu Fei, saying that this is an insult to a woman. Life starts all the time. Si Tong had no choice but to say to her, “Jiang Meng, are there any one-liners that apply equally to men and women? Dazhi said solemnly: I have a sentence now. Then she exaggeratedly pursed her scarlet mouth, trumpeted her hands, and shouted softly and vigorously, word by word: OK-big-ah-a group of women burst into laughter. On the ceiling, Marilyn Monroe covered her skirt and looked up and smiled. Laughter spun around the store in a skirt, graceful, charming, flamboyant, and showy.
Dazhi said that good girls are afraid of entanglements, and strong girls are afraid of idle husbands. This man is a veteran. You have to save some snacks, don’t be foolish to give your heart away. Out-of-towners, if one runs away, don’t cry. Although it is very convenient to fly and so on now, the cost is too high. bad for you. Your parents, friends and work are all here.
She felt that Dazhi was overthinking it. It must be true that he spent so much thought to get here from Lian Duo. She is an ordinary office worker with a low salary, and she is not beautiful. She is short and thin at best. What is he trying to deceive her? Do you want to follow her steps and follow her steps? He said that when he looked at her, he felt tender, and his heart couldn’t help softening. He said that wherever she was, there was a beam of light, and where she was, there was a peaceful divine realm. He said that he admitted that he was intrigued by a cigarette at the time, a thin and quiet woman who could smoke, what kind of story?
Jiang Meng has no story, and has talked about love a few times, but all of them died. Because she is too plain, like a pool of stagnant water without waves. Inappropriate for each other is a good rhetoric for a hasty ending. For Jiang Meng, smoking is just like eating snacks. Why do people give it so much extra meaning? Dazhi is bright and moving. She is Samantha in the American TV series “Sex and the City”. She is open to the relationship between men and women. Dazhi said: Jiang Meng, if one day you are willing to accept me, maybe we can become lifelong partners. I promise to make you more comfortable than any man. She winked at her, then laughed. you don’t touch me. I’m sure I like real guns. Jiang Meng answered lightly.
He said I was sexy. They rolled their eyes. No one would care that he sang a song to several people. After listening to it, it is over. You must listen to it and understand it, and you may lose the original taste. Do it yourself. Dazhi changed the sentence and returned it to Jiang Meng. Jiang Meng felt that Dazhi didn’t believe in love too much, although she didn’t believe much either, but he came with his love, so he would rather believe it. Jiang Meng rejoiced in her heart.
If only Ke Bai could be so proactive. Yu Fei tucked the shoulder-length black hair scattered on the tip of his nose behind his ear and sighed with regret. They continued to roll their eyes. Ke Bai’s friends all know that Ke Bai likes Yu Fei, but Ke Bai has never confessed to Yu Fei in private. He never confessed, how could he refuse. From their point of view, both of them are equally awkward, and they always talk about topics they care about in a teasing tone, and the answers they get are ambiguous. Obviously caring, but no one wants to take a step forward to clarify their attitude. They pondered the relationship, each sighed, sweet and illusory.
Xiaogu said as a past person: This is the best state. You know, a wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine is not as good as stealing, and stealing is not as good as not stealing. But I want to get married! It’s not good for me to ask a woman to take the initiative to push him down! Yu Fei cried out in indignation. Why can’t you take the initiative to push him down? Dazhi looked at Yu Fei squintingly. I can’t tell you, you slut! Yu Fei cast a blank eye at Dazhi in annoyance. Dazhi grabbed the pillow behind him and threw it at Yu Fei, courting death! You naughty little bitch! Xiaogu smiled so much that Huazhi shook his hands to persuade him. It’s fine for the two of you to settle down. Kotani said.
The primary color rectangular table made of all wooden boards, the pitted holes are attached to the turbulence and depth of the ocean, and there are some black traces of fire. This is the dangerous price paid to resist the wind and waves and the erosion of the years. Burning needs to be controlled by the fire, too violent, burning to ashes, too mild to be a protective shield. Which node is just right, no one can say. As long as you keep trying, you will come up with a set of natural experiences over time. Yu Fei was too worried to stop moving forward. Jiang Meng said. It was raining outside and everything was fresh and pleasant. Jiang Meng watched them play nonsense and felt that she was luckier than them.
It would be more lively if Stong was still there. Jiang Meng said again.
The laughter stagnated in the air and dissipated.
Yu Fei sighed: She is a knife-mouthed tofu-hearted person, and she is the best at talking. Actually the most vulnerable. You can see that she broke down and cried in front of us accidentally. We are all dressed up outside. You say, who is not pretending.
Her mother died and she became an orphan. Kotani said. We always thought it would be good to say it to relieve our sullenness. But the problem cannot be solved by saying it.
In fact, none of us are orphans. Dazhi said. In the end, things are not all on their own to figure out a solution. She was too tired, and the moment the node came up and out, it was really… Dazhi collapsed back, and the velvet sofa back pushed her waist a few times, as if it would make her relax.
Because of the rain, the two window frames that looked like they were about to fly away were half-closed and couldn’t close tightly. Yu Fei pulled the latch hard and pulled it inward, and they were stuck at a point, horns of each other, not moving at all. She stood up and fixed one of them first, then held the other to fiddle with the angle, and the window creaked uneasily, as if at any moment it would slip out of its rightful place and fall into someone’s hands, or Shattered to pieces.
Natural disasters. After Stoon’s father died, his mother was paralyzed and had lung cancer. In the final period, I spent several months in the hospital. Mother often looked at Stung with mournful eyes, longing for relief from pain and fear. Sitong knew that her mother was afraid that she would be bullied by other ghosts after her death. She was never timid and cowardly. Afraid of many things, afraid of the unknown, afraid of the world after death… It was a little woman who had not experienced weather. After the death of his father, it was always the day when Stong stood up for his mother. Apart from complaining with a few of them, Sitong was helpless, helpless and helpless. When the mother and daughter were both exhausted, she told her mother that her father would pick her up, and then hesitantly and reluctantly, she let go of her hand slightly, and finally her eyes that kept moving didn’t try to open anymore. She didn’t have time to feel sad and tired. After cooking, go back to work.
How miserable. Xiaogu hugged the sofa and hugged the pillow and said that the important project she made in the hospital and stayed up all night was overtaken by the assistant deputy manager. I heard from her colleague that she asked the boss for a theory, saying that he would end the company sooner or later with a mistress, and that he wanted the dividends that the project deserved. Her mother died, she owed a lot of debt, and if the dividend was not given to her, she would die, saying that the boss was trying to kill her. Yu Fei said angrily, “Isn’t it because he was forced to die?” That damn fat pig! Dazhi shrugged indiscriminately: the boss felt that he had done his best, and that he didn’t come to the company, the salary was paid, and he couldn’t find her if he knew the progress. When I was helping with the funeral later, the boss told me. Yu Fei said angrily: Her colleague said that the dead fat pig said that it was too rude and disrespectful for Shi Tong to make a fuss when he ran in front of him. When Stong came out with his arms crossed by his colleagues, he was still swearing, as if he would never give up. Then Yu Fei sighed: Yes, the front desk said that everyone walked away after a few words of comfort, and in the end no one noticed when she left. Who knew that it didn’t take long for a heavy object to hit the ground outside the gate…
What was Stung thinking before he died? Tired of the world? Perhaps, she was still worried about her mother. When she arrived, Stoon’s head was covered with a dirty black jacket, blood seeping out, black with red flashes. Such a delicate and capable person, in a strangely twisted and surrendered kneeling posture, slumped upwards indecently on the clean concrete floor. No, it wasn’t clean anymore, with Stoon lying on it and the blood oozing from her, and her head covered with a filthy, whitish black jacket that wasn’t hers. On a whim, she walked over and wanted to help Stong put her legs in place. She thought, Stong must not like this position. She was crying bitterly and was about to walk over, when the crowd was commotion. “The police are here…” Someone pushed from behind, and she staggered a few steps towards Stong, her feet hooked on her jacket. There was a commotion in the crowd again: ah, it fell like this… her eyes were open… she suddenly raised her head to look at Stong, her snow-white face was scribbled with blood, her eyes were wide open, extremely hideous, miserable, like an angry look, Seemingly looking into nothingness. She smelled a touch of blood. She felt her throat swell, she wanted to vomit, and her eyes were a little dark… When she collapsed, she thought, at that time, on the clean concrete floor, the only dust may not have been raised. Stung has become the talk of the moment – an outlier who can’t think of jumping off a building.
Jiang Meng went straight through the narrow wooden ladder to the second floor to find a place for himself, a place where he could see the scenery of the diagonally opposite bridge by the window. The willow tree on the bank twisted its branches, and a little green whitewashed its barrenness and weakness, making it look alive, as if the departure of the fallen leaves made it no longer exist when it was depressed and melancholy. The cement bridge spans the green river. If you don’t look down, you will only think it is a flat road. Where is the beautiful arc that a bridge should have… People have given up a lot for the sake of smoothness, and the ups and downs are amazing. Hard work, no one wants to work hard now. It was on this bridge that Jiang Meng saw him hug Xiaogu and smiled so tenderly that he was overflowing with honey. She finally understood at the moment when she saw that scene that it was not wrong to say that love is eternal. Love has always been there, just changed people. He hugged Xiaogu’s sweet smile, which pierced into her eyes, stunned her heart, her breathing was forgotten for a long time, and she couldn’t move. The scenes, dialogues and intimacy of him and her, her and Xiaogu, he and Xiaogu were intertwined and confused. She remembered a lot, but she seemed to remember nothing. The undefended she and the undefended them; she was upstairs, he and Xiaogu were in the sun; she was hit by the truth and was sitting alone in the cafe where they often got together, preparing to meet the three best friends, the truth In the middle, they were hugging each other and laughing like honey, and she was sitting by the window upstairs in the cafe watching them, not knowing the truth. All kinds of guesses and various ideas rushed towards her in layers, the sun fell on them, dazzling and painful, she became a shadow in the dark, cold and damp. She feels pain. Finally, the cloud and mist were released to relieve the suffocating pain that was overwhelmed by the truth. The scratching and stirring pain also came, and the oxygen-deficient fish mouth opened and closed, making a difficult and intermittent whimper. She didn’t know what to cover. Eyes, mouth, neck or stomach, I had to pinch my fingernails deeply into the mottled wooden boat table that had been scorched by sea water and fire. Her eyes were forced to fall on them, her thoughts trailed behind her, and her feet of betrayal, deceit, humiliation trampled her eyeballs again and again. Tears are wounded blood, and pain causes vomiting. Since then, Jiang Meng has had nightmares, repeatedly dreaming the same dreams as serial dramas——
A small pustule the size of a green bean gradually arched under the skin of the index finger of her left hand. She looked at it strangely because she felt no discomfort, no pain or anything else, as if she was looking at another person’s finger . The moment she realized that she didn’t feel anything, a trace of itchiness became obvious with the shaking of the bubble, as if her consciousness told her body that she should feel it at this time, so the proper feeling was told to her with vision, because there was a slight tingling. There was a slight itch in the movement. She was puzzled, and some questions flashed in her head. What was biting her? when? where? She carefully scratched the gradually growing small pustule with the index finger of her left hand, hesitating whether to puncture it. Generally speaking, just squeeze the pus out of it. Just when she thought so, the bubble became uneven, and something was struggling inside, as if it was going to pierce the thin layer of cicada’s wings from the inside. The thick and translucent skin, she was horrified to find that there were several identical pustules that seemed to be about to burst. Her pores opened and closed quickly as it rolled in and out. She panicked and wanted to take action, but found that her hands couldn’t move at this time. Terrifying eyes watched them start to climb up her shoulders, getting closer and closer… Fear piled up like a mountain in her chest, and she finally shouted out in a dream, as if she wanted to shout to shock those terrifying and disgusting unknowers. name thing.
wake up. Jiang Meng didn’t know if she had shouted, but as soon as she opened her eyes, the dream faded. Only some scary scenes and fearful emotions still lingered in his heart, Jiang Meng vaguely felt that there was a lot of content that he had forgotten. Dreaming is tiring. The night is still long. Jiang Meng had no choice but to continue to sleep, and his thoughts were looming, floating in the mist. What does this dream imply? Jiang Meng thought vaguely, and slowly drowsiness continued to cover her back. The dream continued—
They started to climb up her shoulders and into her throat, the throat was still throbbing, she was terrified, she wanted to grab her throat, but she was afraid, she didn’t know whether to be afraid of them breaking through the skin of the throat, or afraid of them crawling from the mouth to the tongue Climb out of the lips and climb into broad daylight to see it clearly for what it is. She started to retching, more and more foreign objects gathered in her throat, the feeling of being scratched in her throat became stronger and stronger, she kept retching, her face was flushed, her eyes were about to be squeezed out, and tears had been forced Overflowing from her eyes, she kept drawing lines on her face… For a long time, as the saliva flowed out, a slender, wriggling bug with many feet hung in the middle of her open mouth. She broke down and cried, but she didn’t Crying, throat heaving and breathing. The worm shrunk into her mouth, she chanted, she had to force herself to keep retching with her mouth open, and there were more worms in the throat, they were stuck inside and couldn’t get out, she knew she had to Pick out half of the bugs hanging in your mouth. She reached out to grab it, it was struggling, it might want to come out or it might want to retract, it could come out at any time and it might retract at any time, she had to act decisively, she stretched her forefinger and thumb to hold the riot The twisted foreign body, as soon as it came into contact with the foreign body, its millipede-like multi-legged part immediately wrapped tightly around her finger pulp, as if it was about to burrow into it again. She had to pull it out quickly and slammed it to her feet. At the same time, the foreign object in her throat spewed out, like a snake full of Medusa’s head growing in her mouth, and it kept falling on the ground as she vomited. on the ground. There was darkness all around, and all she saw was the densely squirming foreign objects that seemed to be crawling towards her again. She was only scrambling, panicked or helpless or weak, a collapse of some incomprehensible meaning.
Then the dream woke up again. Dreams and reality go back and forth.
As usual, she pressed down on the soft cushion with her hands on her sides, sat up and flicked her buttocks, then slumped on the sofa in a daze. The glass was firmly embedded in the window frame, the inner wall of the window frame was painted red, and the paint had cracked to reveal the thorny jungle. Blackbirds jump and chirp among the willow trees in the glass painting. Jiang Meng was in pain for a long time, immersed in and savoring the bitterness and bitterness in his mouth and even his body caused by the pain. Jiang Meng stared at the empty place they had passed by on the bridge, and involuntarily flashed again in his mind – he hugged Xiao Gu and smiled softly, honey flowing. That scene not only appeared automatically when I was sitting here, but any gaps in normal times might come to my eyes and flashed more and more frequently, making Jiang Meng’s throat tighten and he vomited. Sometimes she felt that Stong was greeting her, seducing her to accompany her. Jiang Meng was thinking about going to see a psychiatrist.
She didn’t tell anyone that she saw this scene, she just went home and told him that she saw it. Now you can think carefully about whether you want to leave this house. If you want to leave, talk to a lawyer.
He said that he never thought about divorce, it was a misunderstanding, and he didn’t betray or deviated…
In the days that followed, Jiang Meng felt more embarrassed than standing naked on a crowded street in a dream.
Xiaogu apologized to Jiang Meng, saying that he was greedy for the feeling of being pampered, and did nothing, just ask if he was in a better mood.
Dazhi said that Jiang Meng, between men and women, is like that. Don’t be too serious. If you want to leave, leave, if you don’t leave, don’t hold on to these messy things. There is no evidence of catching a rape in bed, don’t bother yourself…
Yu Fei was speechless on the other end of the phone for a long time, and muttered: I’ve been struggling with how to tell you… Maybe they really don’t care…
What is that black bird calling?
Jokes…jokes…that black bird jumped up and down the willow tree. When Jiang Meng saw that scene, she was shocked that there were flaws everywhere, and felt that she understood everything. That scene was like a movie ticket that opened the door to the whole movie. So, how long did Xiaogu watch her in the dark when he was with her? What were they talking about behind their backs? What counts as betrayal? What needs to be done to be guilty? The funny thing is that she is busy with how to be a better wife and mother, numbing herself with chicken soup for her soul.
Jiang Meng resented why the parties involved were kept in the dark and the last to know? Jiang Meng asked herself, what would she have done if she had known earlier? The answer Jiang Meng naturally did not know. The past has happened, if and not what if…
Jiang Meng wanted to see them again. Perhaps Dazhi can negotiate on her behalf online. It starts with the network and ends with the network. A perfect script. Dazhi said. To be thick-skinned. Not embarrassing yourself, embarrassing others. She can finally attend her divorce ceremony, sign, get the certificate, and leave with the baby.
However, in the past, horses and horses were slow, and there was only enough love for one person in a lifetime. In many cases, the relationship between people is quite layered for a lifetime of tinkering.
The sun outside the window is still bright, all the light and shadow are one-sided, the tall building in front is lying on the ground, and the wind can’t blow away its grayness.
Jiang Mengmu sat stunned, waiting for a double espresso. She didn’t order, the boss knew what she needed. Habit let him find out her preferences in this store. For privacy, she remains unguarded. She still felt she had nothing to lose. Just like that green river, because of the invisible filth at the bottom of the river and the reflection of the green on both sides, as long as there is no stench, no one will care too much.
Yu Fei was bewitched by Dazhi and overthrew Kebai. From the moment she led Ke Bai into her claustrophobic world, Yu Fei said, the balance between her and Ke Bai began to tilt, and she began to feel a head shorter than Ke Bai, as if she should always be more tolerant, giving and compromising that side. The confidence in his speech was empty, as if his previous restraint was a contrived slut playing the role of a virgin. Which one is more valuable, restraint and restraint or dare to love and hate? only the guy drinking water knows it’s cold or hot.
She took another photo of the black bird outside the window and sent it to the circle of friends, writing: Spring, summer, autumn and winter, spring after year. coffee shop. Everything is as it was. She thought–is everything the same? Do not. Not so. Such as memories, such as people who were here together, such as a child… The sun is shining, and the eyes are blurry. The cafe is still quiet, but the past is too noisy. The awkwardness suddenly intensified at this moment. She thought that she would never come here again.
When Jiang Meng was about to get up and leave, the boss brought coffee – double espresso – no sugar, a cup of warm water and a portion of almonds. Between him and her, there was a light path made of sunlight, with flying dust floating in it. . He said: Do you feel better?
Jiang Meng retched suddenly, and the more he retched, the more he vomited, his face flushed red, the blue veins on his forehead burst out, he vomited profusely, bloodshot eyes covered his eyes, and tears and saliva flowed. Immediately afterwards, Jiang Meng felt her throat tremble a few times and made a very strange guttural sound. Jiang Meng felt cold, and the feeling of suffocation swept over the moment she felt the cold. When the darkness engulfed Jiang Meng, a bewildered voice echoed in Jiang Meng’s mind: Is this about to die? what to do with that kid…