– Give me where you are? Are you here?
Anna got up on the shit. The light falling from the open door of the bedroom, reflected in the adjoining room, was shown in the confused eyes of Allan. He stood in a dark corner, but Allan was clearly out against a bright background.
Allan heard Anna move. He looked up and noticed him.
– Why don’t you come and put the land?
When Anna did not answer and did not come to her, Allan went to her, grabbed her from the shoulders, and looked at her cheeky face.
Allan had slept well for several hours and was now himself.
– Don’t you fear me? he said kindly. Did I beat you in the evening? Perhaps you thought what I was talking about? Did you like?
– I liked it, whispered Anna.
– That little emptiness! Didn’t you notice that I was in my head?
I had drunk too much and I’m a bad juovuspäissäni. What a man
speaks in such a state should never be given attention.
Can’t you understand that?
Anna looked at her with wonder, unable to follow this turn. Allan kept ashamed of what had meant to him during the night’s struggle to receive God’s dish with his lifelong sorrow.
– Are you angry with me? asked Allan. He had always spoken with a very kind voice, such as a frightened child, who was going to calm and reconcile.
Anna thought before answering.
– No, he said then.
– You forgive me?
Again, Anna wondered. Was there something to be forgiven? Can Allan do anything to her that she did not love, never did it? Can he be accused of having sacrificed to what he felt honored to demand? Can he give her anything that she – Anna – was that she couldn’t bear to know she was an object of sacrifice?
– There’s no forgiveness, he replied quietly.
– Well then!
She kissed Anna and pulled her into a gentle violently bright bedroom.
– Then we’re friends again, and that ugly night scene has been forgotten? Now you have to put the land and sleep. I don’t want you to get sick, you understand, he said tenderly.
Anna was not mistaken now, as before, to keep the kindness of love, but it eased her most painful pain and made her fit.
Allan believed what he wanted to believe and thought it was all good again, when Anna, tired of mental ache and sorrow, slept with her head bent over her and surrounded by her arm.
Allan almost felt a bit of disdain for Anna because this made it so easy to seduce herself. He did not know Anna was such that it was impossible for him to live with anyone unaware.