When I was walking in the community a few days ago, I saw such a scene: several mothers were chatting together, and several children were running around the fitness equipment around three years old. At this time another mother brought the child and brought a little boy of the same age. The new boy was pulling his mother’s clothing corner. The mother asked him to play. He didn’t. After a while, a child picked up a tree branch on the ground and said “my gun” to the other children. The new boy took it up and grabbed it. After the child reacted, he would take it back. The new kid was in a hurry, said “ah” and tried to scratch others’ faces. The scratched little boy was crying. His mother came over and saw his child’s face was torn. He touched the child’s face and said, “This parent just took the child away. Why don’t he let the child apologize? ”
The child made a mistake and should be taught to feel guilty
The child beats someone, but the parent does not have the consciousness of making the child apologize; apart from the mother above, there are many similar situations, such as taking the child to someone’s house to play, the child has broken another’s toy, or has torn the picture book Some parents put toys or picture books back to where they were, as if nothing had happened.
Parents themselves are not necessarily unaware of politeness. They may say: “Children don’t understand, don’t hold the child accountable”, or “We adults don’t intervene in matters between children”.
Then the child loses his temper, hits people when he disagrees, and grabs the toys that he wants, can he keep it like this, can the children’s meeting automatically change?
If you do something wrong, you will make your child feel guilty. If you blindly indulge, your child will even develop into a “bear child” with bad behavior.
For children, learning to control themselves is essential. Parents let their children learn to apologize and feel guilty about mistakes, which is a warning signal to their children. When a child’s impulsive behavior reappears, it can send a signal. This kind of alarm signal can help the child develop conscience regardless of the presence of the parent.
Over time, this warning signal can help children control their hearts before impulse turns into action, and there will be no more conscious struggle.
Therefore, when a child behaves rudely, such as destroying other children, throwing stones at other children, etc., such children should feel guilty for what they have done. Children’s guilt is also their moral judgment of these behaviors, and will eventually inhibit them from doing so when the bad behavior reappears.
Guilt, out of love
Some parents only talk about acceptance. They cannot use rules to ask their children. They worry that reprimand and punishment will hurt their children and make them feel abandoned.
Parents who deeply love their children temporarily withdraw their love for their children when they make mistakes; sometimes, parents discipline their children out of their uncontrollable emotions instead of loving them. Both of these seem to be normative behaviors, but there are huge differences.
In fact, worrying about your child being hurt is exactly a test of whether there is a bond of love between parents and children. If there is no love, the parents do not recognize or criticize the child, the child will control the parent by crying, because he believes that the parent does not love him, no matter what he does, he will not get the love of the parents!
However, parents and children have a love bond. After the children are criticized by their parents, they will feel temporarily out of favor and their self-confidence will be affected. These kinds of emotional reactions are mixed together, and there will be a sense of guilt. What was rejected was his behavior.
Therefore, parents need to use their children’s guilt to control and train their own self-control.
Children need to know
It is your own behavior that causes unwelcome, it is your own responsibility. You must take responsibility for your own behavior, learn from it, and correct your behavior. This is to cultivate your child’s conscience.
Children need to know
Parents will not feel the same about him under any circumstances. When the child’s emotional control is offensive and aggressive, the parents must set standards for him to restrict his behavior, otherwise the child will not be able to establish his ability to control himself.