A few days ago, a friend Lao Yang came to my house and sighed in a chat: “Our parents can take the heart out of their children, but the children have no affection at all, they are little white-eyed wolves …” Lao Yang went to Ningbo for a business trip. After finishing his work on Friday, he contacted his daughter who was a sophomore in Hangzhou on WeChat, and wanted to stay with her for two days, and then took the high-speed rail that had been bought on Sunday afternoon to go home. I didn’t expect her daughter to reply: “I’m very busy. I’ll take the winter vacation in a month or two. I’ll go back then. If you’re busy, go home first.” Lao Yang, full of joy, seemed to be cold. Poured, the mood is extremely extreme. Indignant, he immediately changed to a return high-speed rail ticket. Lao Yang Chao’s wife, who returned home late at night, exclaimed: “Look, you are a good girl, and you know you are busy all day long. I traveled so far to see her, but she completely ignored my feelings.”
The wife quickly comforted Lao Yang: “Okay, okay, she won’t let you go, it’s equivalent to save you money. Why don’t you spend thousands of dollars for two days?” He still feels that the children today are not like their generation, and their parents are caring for them. Instead, they wait and see what they do, without a trace of gratitude and filial piety.
In fact, in this situation of Lao Yang, every parent in real life has more or less “taught”. A few days ago, a young female colleague chattered in front of me about her “unthankful, unrequited, and irresponsible” elementary school son, taking her mother’s heart as donkey liver and lungs. Every day before dawn, she made breakfast for her son, but the son did not eat a bite, and would rather buy breakfast at a stall by the road. The son went to school, the mother saw the rain, and gave the son an umbrella, but the son would rather go home in the rain and not let the mother pick up … “disobedience” is the mantra of the young mother, “I do not understand my mother “Heart” is the biggest grievance of this young mother.
This situation has a lot to do with the communication and education of children.
At present, some of our parents have a strong desire to control, and it is easy to ignore the gratitude education and sincere communication of their children’s psychological growth at all stages of development from childhood to childhood. They feel that they will always be children who do not grow up and do not understand the world, no matter what the child has to do , They must follow their own intentions, otherwise they will chatter, do not allow children to express their needs, do not listen to the goodwill of others, until the child obeys their own opinions, then give up, and form communication obstacles over time.
In the children’s daily education, many parents regard their children as their “private property”, not to say that children are born to you, they must belong to you, and they must obey you. He will grow up, he will be independent, he will have his own thoughts. In order for your child to communicate with you without obstacles, you must treat your child as an independent adult. Reason, science, objectivity, and respect are the indispensable elements for training your child. The rude and simple parents are always unaccustomed to their children’s behavior. They can’t discover the strengths and advantages of their children in time. Such parents always have high standards and strict requirements on their children. I always thought that I had experienced too many winds and rains, and would not lower my posture to communicate with the children, but would be high above them, pointing at everything about the children. No matter what the child is doing, parents always feel that it is wrong and unruly, which will eventually lead to the child’s rebellion and refuse to communicate.
Keep in mind that parents must be friends in the process of educating their children, and never become the supreme leader, so that the child will be rebellious and then unwilling to communicate with the parents. Parents admonish their children must be there, but if you plan to communicate with your child about something, then from your posture to your tone of voice, you must be friends. What you give will be constructive opinions, Implementation plan, sincere counsel or comfort. Imagine why your friends are willing to communicate with you? It must be because you are sincere, proportionate, and can help from his perspective. Then, you can try to communicate with your child as a friend and treat him as an independent peer. Otherwise, he will “turn a blind eye” for a “leadership” communication. A colleague told me once that his college son rarely called back to communicate in the past. Only when he needed money, he would barely say “Daddy, I No living expenses. “At this time, it is necessary for parents to guide their children to realize that money needs to be paid to get it, so that children understand that money is hard to come by, and make children more cherish. Appropriately giving children labor, which helps children realize the value of money, such as taking children to the grocery market to buy food, so that he understands that money should be spent in the right place, can not be arbitrarily squandered, and at the same time have Certain gratitude.
Most children today are only children. They are little emperors and princesses in the eyes of their parents. They are arbitrary and willful. As a parent, the best thing for your child is not to get him plenty of food and clothing, but to teach him the truth of being human and know how to be grateful. Regardless of whether it is a relative or stranger, when acceptance becomes a habit, your dedication becomes a matter of course. As a parent, we must also reflect on ourselves: Sometimes, we are “grateful” for the small favors given by others, but “indifferent” to the love of our loved ones for life. Usually parents’ behaviors affect their children bit by bit. Therefore, parents must first be a model for others, and gratefulness must also be reflected in all aspects of life, so that children who are grateful to parents can be nurtured.
Want to change the way of parent-child communication, so that they no longer “wolf-hearted”, parents should stretch out “forefinger”, more “thumb”, less blame and order, more appreciation and affirmation.