Who will rescue the neglected full-time mom

Some time ago, a Korean movie, Kim Ji Young, born in 1982, became hot. Born in 1982, Jin Zhiying was originally a woman with education and career. Soon after the marriage, he was spawned by his elders. The husband said, “Let me, I will take good care of you.” After the child was born, because of the heavy workload of caring for the family, Jin Zhiying had to resign at home to become a full-time mother. Do all kinds of housework every day, from morning to night.

Jin Zhiying managed to squeeze some time out and wanted to take a few minutes to rest in the coffee shop, but was called “mother bug” by other women in the workplace. “Because a full-time mother has no income, taking her children to eat and drink all day is like relying on her husband’s tapeworm, which is no different from garbage.” These unfair phenomena are crushing countless “Jin Zhiying” in reality. Regardless of the social environment, or the family and partners, the full-time mothers have not been given due respect. How should the full-time mothers who are ignored by society be redeemed?

More and more full-time moms in China
Full-time mothers are a large and important group in China, but they are always on the margins of society. Their voices are rarely heard and their needs are rarely valued.

According to data from the “White Book on Chinese Family Fertility in 2019” released by a well-known mother-to-child community platform, the proportion of full-time mothers in the post-95s generation reached 82%. Some netizens exclaimed that the data is terrible: so many women under 25 have become full-time moms! It used to be that women could dominate half the sky, now it is “80% of full-time moms after ’95”. Why did this happen?

In this report, the proportion of young Chinese women full-time at home has gradually risen to 58.6%; of these, post-95 full-time mothers are concentrated in lower-tier cities.

The so-called high-tier cities generally refer to the first- and second-tier cities, and the low-tier cities are the third, fourth, and fifth tier cities. Some people think that the 82% ratio is too high. Of course, any survey may have errors, but from social media and other survey reports, it can be seen that full-time mothers in China are a very large group.

In fact, data from the third survey of Chinese women’s social status as early as 2012 showed that 35.5% of urban women between the ages of 18 and 45 who had children between the ages of 0 and 3 had a career interruption, of which 67.2% Because of marriage and childcare. In addition, 28.9% of women are currently out of work, and 98% of them are looking after children.

In reality, there are mainly four modes of caring for children under the age of 3 in Chinese society: ancestor care, babysitter care, full-time mother-raising and child-care institutions. For families who lack the care of their grandparents and hire a nanny that is not cost-effective, it is natural for them to take care of their children full-time.

The increase in full-time mothers is not only related to economic conditions, but also to reasons for changing parenting concepts. In low-tier cities, parents generally prepare wedding rooms for their children, and usually support their children. Young couples have less financial pressure. This is why “post-95s” full-time mothers are concentrated in lower-tier cities. On the other hand, parents pay more and more attention to their children’s education. The idea that raising a child is investing in the future is deeply rooted. Many women are willing to temporarily abandon the workplace and raise their children wholeheartedly. As a result, many women in Kochi began to join the ranks of full-time mothers.

Difficult to balance family and career
Why is it increasingly difficult for women today to balance work and family? Experts believe that there are two main reasons: first, the pace of work is faster than that of our parents, and women’s work hours do not match the child’s schedule; second, “intensive motherhood” places too much pressure on women. “Intensive motherhood” requires women to invest all their time and energy into their children without reservations. They believe that it is worthwhile to spend as much time and energy on children as possible.

Nowadays, the so-called concept of scientific parenting spreads anxiety, such as emphasizing that 0 to 3 years is the golden period of physical growth and brain development in a child’s life. How to raise a child in these three years will affect his life. This has led many mothers to think that it is not too much to spend time with their children. The more time they spend with, the better, and the less time they blame, guilt, anxiety, and even depression. Anxious to resign immediately to go home with the children for 24 hours. But I do not know, being a full-time mother in China is the most dangerous occupation in the world.

At present, the value of women’s housework is not recognized, and the current domestic laws do not provide substantial protection for full-time mothers. Women who do not have a job are not eligible for custody of their children at the time of divorce.

“I want to be a qualified mother and stay with him when my child needs me; I also want to be a qualified professional who will not cause any trouble to anyone because of my absence. Therefore, I trembled for leave While working hard on the job at hand, the result is often that I can neither be a good mother nor a good employee. “This is how much women’s voices, taking into account work and family, women need not chicken soup, but Real social welfare.

“Suicide” Status of Full-Time Moms
In real life, not many housewives are as pampered as Luo Zijun in the TV series “My First Half of Life.” The true full-time mom seems to be bringing children all day, busy between the kitchen and household chores.

All day

In the eyes of others, the full-time mother finally said goodbye to the cruel workplace, no need to go to work, no need to look at the leadership, no need to mediate the relationship between colleagues, return to the family, there is a lot of time and freedom. As everyone knows, time and freedom are the most expensive luxury that full-time mothers cannot afford.

They didn’t get off work, no weekends, no holidays, no parties. A full-time mother who is not skilled in parenting skills, but like a professional master, methodically wash and patience with the child.

Bereavement

It is said that when women become mothers, they will quickly become involved in new roles, but most men are difficult to quickly take up the responsibility of being a father. Especially after the mother is full-time at home, the father takes all the trivial care of the child for granted. Mom, on the grounds that she was busy with work, she continued to be the “hands-free shopkeeper”.

My father loves him like a mountain, but he doesn’t move. The mother who teaches the children babbling is the mother.

100% give up

Regardless of whether you were a “bone spirit” in the workplace before you gave birth to a child or a female college graduate with a bright expectation for the future, getting married and having a child and taking a full-time baby is undoubtedly a mirror. Slim body, exquisite makeup, and neat hairstyles all have to miss him for a while. All that accompanies them is poorly cared for skin, large eyes with insufficient sleep, a body that is fattened to rest, and a breastfeeding clothing with no lines for the convenience of feeding.

Full-time mom faces huge social pressure
Today, when economic independence is emphasized, people generally associate economic independence with the independence of personality and thought. Being a full-time mother is not only anxiety for others, it is also difficult for you to accept.

A Kochi woman described her anxiety as follows: “If a woman is not economically independent, it means that her freedom is limited. Although it is not as low as the dust, it will be less momentum to quarrel with her partner, even if you break up in the future. Make a living again. This allows children to be educated from a young age. ‘Girls must be self-reliant, want to earn money to buy themselves, and love their most important me. I ca n’t get rid of the humiliation of being nurtured. There was a time when I felt that confidence was crumbling every day. ”

What’s more frightening is that the whole society still does not have enough understanding of the value of full-time moms. In South Korea, there is the word “mother bug”-people often add “bug” behind various unacceptable behaviors to ridicule certain types of people. The term “mom bug” is specifically used to ridicule full-time moms who rely on their husbands to feed themselves.

In the eyes of many people, mothers do not create much value in caring for the family, and even feel that full-time mothers are “delicious and lazy” life choices. This is why the desire of a full-time mother to return to the workplace is strong. In the first half of 2016, the National Health and Family Planning Commission conducted surveys in 10 cities including Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenyang. Nearly one-third of the full-time mothers surveyed were forced to suspend employment because their children were left unattended; more than three-quarters of full-time mothers said they would be re-employed if anyone helped bring their children. However, a full-time mom is faced with a sharp and unavoidable question: In a labor-intensive and highly competitive workplace, can women return smoothly if they leave the workplace for a few years or a decade?

Self-salvation of a full-time mom
Becoming a mother is not the end, but a new beginning in life. The following suggestions can help full-time mothers better achieve self-salvation.

Properly “selfish”

Let go of the fallacy of “I do n’t go to work or make money, I have to give my heart to my child”. Children are not just their own. After the child ’s father returns, they need to be empowered in time. Love yourself more time.

On the weekends, I boldly tossed the child to the other half, put on a mask by myself, asked about three or five sisters, and slowly returned to social relationships in “selfishness”. Remember, you can only love your family better if you love yourself first.

Regaining image management

The reality of aging cannot be escaped, but the process of aging can be delayed. Regaining your image can often make you return to your old self-confidence. Think of the exquisite makeup and red face in front of the mirror, is it a lot brighter in an instant?

However, the management of the image of each delicate and confident full-time mother has never been suddenly realized at a certain node, especially the three crucial stages of pregnancy, baby birth, and baby carriage, and the weight of maintenance must be increased.

Inner self-regulation

Think about it from another angle. Full-time does not mean that you have only partners and children in your life. You must create your own wonderful life. The so-called sweet burden is actually a sense of responsibility of the mother, and every day with the child should be happy. Watching the child grow up day by day, listening to his immature child’s voice and calling your mother, telling you in his unclear language, that happiness is not expressed in words. If you can feel these, it is hard It’s worth the effort.

Constantly learn to enrich yourself

As the saying goes, living to be old, learning to be old, full-time mothers must continue to learn. Early childhood education also began with infants and toddlers. Instead of simply reading children’s songs to recite Tang poems, they taught them professionally and systematically. This requires mothers to understand some of the most basic infant and child psychology, and to understand the laws of children’s physical and psychological development.

In the process of parenting, you can arrange your time reasonably and do some things you like. In fact, you are not led by the child, but you are taking the child forward.

Ready to return to the workplace

More and more women in Kochi have become full-time mothers, no matter whether this is a temporary choice or a long-term plan, their knowledge and resources will not be wasted completely, as always, self-discipline, maintaining learning habits, and thus giving full play to their value . By the day I return to the workplace, I can still quickly enter the state with a beautiful, mature, and confident attitude. Even after several years of self-awareness and cultivation, I may be able to do better than before.

The value of women, in addition to showing their careers, has many other aspects, and some of them should belong to the role of mother. What you want your child to be, what you want to be first. I hope my child grows up, and he has to set an example and grow up!