I am a lonely person. I feel more and more incompatible with this hustle and bustle of the city.
But tired and tired, in order to survive, I had to force myself to continue to live in this impetuous city.
I’m really annoying recently. I annoy others and even annoy myself. I thought I would get some kind of relief after the formal cancellation of the fifteen-year-old marriage contract, but in fact, my current worries are even worse-whether I open my eyes or close my eyes, Heart, my brain is numb.
The only way to temporarily relieve my anxiety is to go hiking in the wild.
The mountain I often climb alone is called Xiangtou Mountain.
As soon as I get to the weekend, I run in the mountains like a reflex. Obviously, I seem to be infatuated with Xiangtou Mountain.
Elephants are large, and Elephant Head Mountain named after the elephant’s body parts is very dangerous.
The peaks of Xiangtou Mountain, located on the Tropic of Cancer, are surrounded by lonely valleys and immortal stones, like a beautiful picture of nature.
But that’s not the real reason it attracts me.
2
What attracted me was Cockscomb Lake.
Few people know that there is a place called Xiangshou Lake in the hinterland of Xiangtou Mountain.
Cockade Lake is not actually a lake. It is nothing more than a brook of 20 to 30 feet. Its location is extremely hidden-in a valley less than five hundred meters from the top of Crab Eye of Xiangtou Mountain, three creeks meander from the rocks, and the flowing water meets a human-shaped Millennium Tree Beside, a large cistern-shaped waterhole is formed. The turquoise lake water is like an unbelievable magic mirror, reflecting the mottled shadow of the strange rocks around it, adding a bit of mystery to the deep valley.
In fact, as early as 20 years ago, I have remembered Cockscomb Lake.
Let me know that there is such a mysterious person on the planet as Crested Lake is Qinqin.
Twenty years ago, I was still young. The benefit of being young is not lacking in love. Qinqin was the first girl who brought me the so-called love when I wandered to Shenzhen alone.
My understanding of Qinqin is very dramatic.
That was probably the eighth afternoon when I came to Shenzhen Pingshan from my hometown in Hunan. I was wandering around the Pingshan Theater, aimlessly, with the harsh sound of car horns, someone exclaimed: The person who checked the temporary residence permit is here! I looked around in horror with horror, only to find that the exits of the square had been stopped by a group of people wearing security clothes. In a hurry, I hurriedly walked to the newspaper kiosk nearest to me, before I could say hello to the newspaper kiosk owner, I pushed open the door and got into it. But as soon as the door was closed, I was dumbfounded: the feet of the newspaper kiosk’s boss were still curled up with a girl in a red dress and a look of panic.
“What more hesitate, come quickly.” The kind-hearted newspaper kiosk owner kicked me gently with his toes and motioned for me to approach the girl in red. I had to crawl over, after all, in the narrow newsstand, only the corner where the red-dressed girl crooked was a little hidden. After embarrassing and helplessly grinning at the red girl, I curled up and leaned tightly on her soft body.
That girl in red is Qinqin.
With the help of the kind-hearted newspaper kiosk owner, Qin Qin and I escaped without a surprise.
Afterwards, the owner of the newspaper booth said that I and Qinqin had a good relationship. If we really come together in the future, we must remember to thank him.
3
The newspaper kiosk owner was, of course, just joking.
But the speaker has no intention of listening. After thanking the newspaper kiosk owner, I and Qinqin went to the opposite Pingshan Park.
“Do you believe it?” Qinqin asked. When asked, she looked at me for a while and looked up at the blue sky.
I nodded. Say, I believe in fate.
I did not lie. My intuition has long told me that the innocent and lovely girl named Qinqin in front of me is the feeling that I have been waiting for many years.
That day, Qinqin and I strolled around Pingshan Park all afternoon. We talk about fate, about life, about the future, and about our own loneliness and depression. In the end, we talked about poetry inadvertently. Qinqin said that she likes to write poems, and likes to write poems that only she can understand. She asked me if I liked poetry. I was keenly aware that this was a good opportunity close to the piano case, so I said, “Although I have never written poetry, I like poetry very much and I admire those who can write poetry. As far as I know, I like poetry People are very pure in spirit and committed to perfection. And you are exactly this kind of person. ”
Qinqin stared at me with a smile and said, “You really boast. Don’t be modest, you are actually a poet.”
4
I don’t know if it is because Qinqin’s words are too magical or because I have the potential of a “poet”. That night, I actually lay on the hard wooden bed of “Shiyuandian” and wrote the first poem of my life. In that little poem of “Untitled”, I recorded my acquaintance with Qin like this:
February 14, 1998 / Sky blue / Wind chill / Xiao Se’s tree shadow was sharpened by the lonely sun./Much like the half-abandoned pencil in my bag / The whistle awakened the spring / thin desire / no longer pale / powerless Frozen memories / sighs of sighs / cold waves that can’t hold back the thoughts / throwing eyes ignite poetic / spiritual …
As soon as I met the next day, I read Qin Qin this chaotic little poem. Qinqin rested her chin on her hands, looked at me calmly, and listened in silence.
“Pu fan, you really are a poet.” Qinqin smiled, a light flashed in his eyes, but his face faded again: “I wrote a poem last night, I wonder if you want to hear it?”
“Of course I want to listen.” I couldn’t wait, and didn’t pay attention to the changes in Qinqin’s expression. I even wished to think that Qinqin must be like me, writing our puppet on this special day, February 14th, into a poetry line.
Qinqin avoided my tender eyes. She turned around and thoughtfully looked up at the blue sky before looking at the pedestrians not far away.
After pondering for a long time, she slowly turned back and recited it with a nightingale-like voice:
There is always such a night / you are awake / the door is closed / the thoughts are chaotic / there are countless nerves / desires, accidentally pried open a gap / memory, crushed into fragments / taken which section / all utterly detached … … There is always such a night / you are awake / the door is closed / a sigh breaks through the mask / a torture exposes lust / darkness is pervasive / the future has become a black topic … February 14 / You are awake / love sleep……
5
Word by word, it hit my sensitive nerves deeply. Although I did not fully understand Qinqin’s poems, Qinqin’s poems resonated with my emotions. Intuition tells me that there must be a beautiful emotional story behind Qinqin’s sentimental verses.
Qinqin did not mention in the poem row about our encounter on February 14. Obviously, I was just a normal encounter with Qinqin. And I just wishfully added it to the “romantic” color that is unreal.
Considering this, I will inevitably feel a little lost.
Apart from being lost, I became curious about Qin Qin’s past. Several times, I tried to talk to Qin Qin about each other’s past, but Qin Qin saw through my mind, and every time I had just spoken, she immediately changed the topic.
When we met for the fifth time, Qinqin asked me as soon as he said, “Pu fan, do you know what love is?” I nodded instinctively. Perhaps my love for Qinqin at first sight is the so-called love! But soon, I shook my head unconsciously. I asked myself, “Can my wishful thinking of Qinqin be love?” Finally, I had to be honest: “I don’t know what love is.”
For my answer, Qinqin did not seem surprised at all. She pouted and smiled slightly, her eyes seemed a little confusing and confused.
“Then do you believe in love?” Qinqin looked at me, and then thoughtfully looked up at the sky. She seemed to ask me and she asked herself.
“Of course I believe in love.” I answered with certainty. I didn’t know where the courage came from. Before the words fell, I took advantage of Qinqin’s fiber hand.
Qinqin gave a long bitter laugh, and then gently pushed my hand away.
I was embarrassed to be there, at a loss.
Qinqin saw my embarrassment. She wriggled her lips, looking restless, but ended up saying nothing.
That day, Qinqin and I sat in the grass of Pingshan Park for the whole morning awkwardly.
Except occasionally you look at me, I look at you, and said nothing to each other.
Until parting, Qinqin handed me a crumpled note, saying that these are a few poems that I only wrote this morning. Don’t you want to understand my past? Perhaps there is something in the text that interests you.
I haven’t responded yet, Qinqin has run away. There was only one lost, and I held the crumpled piece of paper in place.
When I unrolled the paper, I saw a line of handwriting:
“Is Love a Mirror” Who can capture / Love laughs at you and my voice / No so-called reluctantness / Often turns willfully / Fat helplessly bids off a peaceful dream / We must not laugh at love anymore I’m your projection / Happy or bitter smile / After all, there is still a me like you in the mirror / After all, there is a me like you in my dream … “If there is a third eye” If there is a third eye / We would n’t hit a full day awkwardly / we would n’t be under the neon light of ambiguous / engraved childish and ridiculous vows / if there is a third eye / we would not be “soul The rumor of “possessed body” / bewildered / we will not extend uncontrollably in the chaotic season / virtual happiness / if there is a third eye / we will not be able to distinguish / the color of the sky / the direction of the wind / We would not be able to find a reason to stay in the shadows of our own turbulence / “If not if” if / not that day / we all mistake that sun rain / as a long season / We would n’t be holding the shards of the sun to warm / we would n’t falter Into each other’s sights / if / not that day / we are by the Cockscomb Lake / lost the past / if / not me / still foolishly speaking to your shadow and telling yesterday / we will not / will not fall into emotions abyss……
Qinqin’s poems deeply touched my heartstrings. But I still do n’t understand Qinqin ’s poems, and I still do n’t know the stories hidden behind the lines. However, I sensitively captured a message between the lines-that is, Qinqin’s unforgettable stories may be related to a place called “Cockscomb Lake”.
That night, I lost sleep. I am so eager to approach Qin Qin, so eager to understand Qin Qin, but obviously, Qin Qin already has a heart. Reading the obscure words left by Qinqin over and over again, in the vagueness, I seem to have a premonition of something.
My hunch is accurate.
On the second day, Qinqin didn’t come to see me. On the third day, Qinqin still didn’t come … just like this, Qinqin disappeared silently from my vision, disappearing without a trace.
Although this is already expected, I still have difficulty accepting this fact.
Qinqin’s departure took away all my poetry. In order to meet Qinqin again, in the years since then, I have to walk around the Pingshan Theater almost every day.
But disappointment aside. I have never met Qinqin again.
6
It took me 5 years to get out of Qinqin’s shadow.
For my new life, I even forgot about Qin Qin. On February 14th, 5 years later, I married a local girl named Qing with lightning. The second year after marriage, Qing went to Australia alone, and I was reduced to a cheap “boy maid” who took care of his parents’ daily life. For the sake of children, for fifteen years, with the greatest patience, I have been in a dead marriage with Qingwei.
Qing and I were formally terminated on February 14, 2018. Qing chose such a romantic day as her new life starting point for her and her new love. And on such a special day, I accidentally pulled me back to the memory of twenty years ago-I remembered Qinqin again. I even dreamed daydreaming–what day would I and Qinqin meet somewhere again, what kind of intoxicating romance would it be?
This lingering reverie did not bring me a good mood, but exacerbated my sorrow for reality. I feel more and more irritable and feel more and more boring. I know I’m completely tired of real life.
I thought about escaping.
I fled frightfully from Shenzhen.
I wandered aimlessly from one city to another. Every time I go to a new place, I have to spend a day or two walking around the main attractions in order to dispel the pain and worry in my heart. It took me almost a year to walk around the river alone. In early January 2019, I went back to the Pearl River Delta.
I did not return to Shenzhen. Instead, I chose to live in a small town called Wucheng, located just a few dozen kilometers away from Shenzhen, near the Tropic of Cancer.
Wucheng is much smaller than Shenzhen, but it is also noisy and noisy. At first, I only planned to stay here for three or five days, but then I changed my mind temporarily.
I decided to live in Gaocheng. For this reason, I also deliberately found a civilian job at a company at the foot of Xiangtou Mountain.
No one knows the real reason I stayed in Tancheng.
7
I like climbing mountains.
To be precise, it was after I came to Wucheng that I fell in love with climbing mountains.
Xiangtou Mountain, named after the elephant’s body part, is the highest peak in Gaocheng, and it is very dangerous. On the first day I came to Tancheng, I decided to go climbing Xiangtou Mountain alone.
To be honest, I am not an outdoor sports enthusiast. Before that, I had never climbed any mountain above 500 meters alone. However, this time, I made the decision to climb the steep peak of Xiangtou Mountain alone, which is over 1,000 meters above sea level, and gave it to the first weekend when I arrived in Tancheng. Acted.
All of this is because of the three words-“Cockscomb Lake”.
The moment I stepped out of Tancheng Railway Station, I heard the three sensitive words “cockscomb lake” in a conversation between two young people beside me.
“Hey, can you tell me, where is the Cockpit Lake you just mentioned?” I walked over and stopped the two young people.
The two young men looked at each other and looked at me with weird eyes like the aliens.
“What are you asking? We just heard about it. You can find it if you can’t find it yourself!” The two young people looked baffled.
“I … I want to go to Cockade Lake to find someone …” I smiled embarrassedly, my eyes were full of expectations.
The two young men shook their heads and turned away as soon as they twisted their faces. I stumbled and stayed where I was.
“Does anyone know where Cockpit Lake is?” Just as the two young men were about to disappear into the crowd, I opened my throat and shouted at their back.
Suddenly, all eyes gathered on me.
The two young men also turned around. Almost at the same time, they pointed their fingers at a high mountain north of the train station and gestured to me.
Is “Cockscomb Lake” right in that mountain? All of a sudden my heart jumped.
8
The word “cockscomb lake” exudes endless magic, holding my whole heart firmly.
I stayed in Tancheng. I am determined to go to that mountain to find out.
As a wish, I got a civilian job at a company at the foot of the mountain named Xiangtou.
On the first weekend when I arrived in Tancheng, I packed lightly and headed up the Xiaojin River, heading towards the top of the crab eye of Xiangtou Mountain. Along the way, you will encounter groups of outdoor sports enthusiasts not too far apart. Whenever I meet someone, I always ask the same question that never changes: “Is there a place called Cockscomb Lake here?” Someone shook his head, some nodded. When I asked those who nodded further, “Can you tell me where exactly is the Crested Lake?” Almost everyone was supportive and unwilling to tell me the truth.
Although a little bit lost, I finally made it clear that there is indeed a place called “Cockscomb Lake” in this mountain named Xiangtou Mountain. As for whether it was mentioned by Qin in poetry many years ago That place name has yet to be verified.
9
When I climbed Xiangtou Mountain for the fourth time, I found the Crested Crest by a small poem carved on the roadside stone wall.
I headed up the Xiaojin River, and when I passed the third fork, I chose a sheep intestine trail that stretched out towards the huge cliff in front of the top of Crab Eye of Xiangtou Mountain. After crossing several mountains and over several large stone walls, a long stone seam ran across me. When I was hesitant to continue to go forward, I suddenly noticed that the rock wall on the left side of the stone crack was engraved with a dozen lines of crooked text. Taking a closer look, it turned out to be a small poem entitled “I am a slow poet”. Curiosity prompted me to read it word by word:
I am a sluggish poet / My identity is as awkward as the dark one / My text is full of thick body odor / Hunger makes my poetry dry like a beggar’s reflection / I don’t need any rhetoric / I like to use backward Centuries-old gesture / releasing primitive desire … I am a slow poet / My identity is as embarrassing as the dark one / My pleasure is due to every false call / I do n’t dare before people agree / give My face is full of dark spots / I ’m stuck with a poet ’s label / I tore my name apart and piece it together / Piece up into a crest-shaped boat / Let it rock in the memory of Cockscomb Lake Yesterday …
My gaze stayed on the word “cockscomb lake”.
I was stunned.
In the poems, not only the three words “cockroach lake” appeared, but also the word “qin” appeared.
I stroked the mottled text with my hands, and my heart jumped out of my chest.
My intuition told me that this “cockscomb lake” must be the cockscomer lake that appeared in the poems of Qinqin many years ago. The word “qin” in this poem must also refer to the qin piano that had brought me the feeling of waiting for years.
10
Passing through a narrow stone gap about 50 meters long, with the sound of the flowing water from far to near, my eyes suddenly opened up-there was a crescent-shaped flat land ten meters away from the stone gap exit, the edge of the flat land proudly A thousand-year-old tree in human form stands. Beside the ancient tree, three creeks meandered from the rubble, and the flowing water converged into a large cockade-shaped puddle. The water pond is about 20-30 feet square. It is surrounded by cliffs and cliffs, and the turquoise lake water is like the unpredictable magic mirror on the same side, reflecting the shadow of the chaotic rocks surrounding it, adding a little mystery to the deep valley.
“Cockscomb Lake! This is the Cockscomb Lake I’m looking for!” I hurried forward as I exclaimed.
“Qinqin, do you know? I found the Cockade Lake written in your poems. And where are you now? When will we have a chance to meet again?” Leaning on the ancient humanoid tree, looking deep I can’t help murmuring over the pond.
“You can’t find her.” Suddenly, a cold voice came from behind me. I turned around instinctively, only to find that on a cobblestone three or four meters away from me, there was a middle-aged man with a shaggy face and a ragged face.
When did this person come? Why didn’t I notice it?
“You … who are you?” I asked in horror.
“I should ask you, who are you?” The man turned his head, a cold light flashed in his eyes.
“I asked you first.” I met his gaze. I secretly reminded myself to calm down quickly.
“Haha, who am I? Even I don’t know who I am.” He turned his head, staring at the green lake, his eyes grinning twice, and then a deep sigh.
“You said that I couldn’t find her. Do you know who I’m looking for?” After he sighed, I asked carefully.
He completely treated me as non-existent, without even raising his head.
“Should there be few people here? Do you come here occasionally or often?” Curiosity prompted me to keep asking cheekily.
The man remained silent.
Then I asked a lot. But no matter what I asked, the man remained silent. He just stared at the lonely pond without looking intently.
Obviously, this is a very mysterious man.
My intuition tells me that this mysterious man may have something to do with the stories hidden in Qin Qin’s poetry.
11
I sat by the pool for two full hours. For up to two hours, the mysterious man didn’t say a word except to occasionally peek at me with the light from the corner of his eye.
It’s getting late and I have to get up and leave here.
As I walked past the big cobblestone where the mysterious man was sitting, I saw with great surprise that the big cobblestone was also full of words. Judging by the crooked writing, these densely written words are obviously from the same person as those verses just seen at the entrance of the stone slit.
I stopped. Taking a closer look, it turned out to be a poem:
Like a urgency child / lest I get wet in those dry years / I always want to pretend to be a philosopher / but accidentally lose all my thoughts / thus / I became a poet / pain became my worst words / every A blank day is a punctuation / A breathless breath is my scarred and scarred face / I put my shadow upside down at the end of the poem … / My poem has no title / My life has no annotations …
I finished reading these words, word by word. I always feel a strange feeling in my heart. I unconsciously associated this mysterious middle-aged man who was still sitting on the cobblestone with this poem.
“Excuse me, do you know who wrote these verses?” As I was about to leave, I asked the person’s back.
“Poem … man.” The man slowly spit out two words. Although I knew this was a perfunctory answer, I was still very surprised. After all, after more than two hours, the mysterious man finally spoke again.
“That poet is you!” I said my guess.
The man slowly turned his head and shook his head gently after looking at me with indifferent eyes.
“Not you? Who is that? By the way, do you know Qinqin?” I asked the most critical question.
“Qin Qin? Who is Qin Qin! Hahaha …” Before the words were finished, Leng Buding stood up and laughed.
Just as I looked at the mysterious man’s weird behavior and fainted, the middle-aged man suddenly opened his arms and jumped down from the cobblestone like an eagle spreading his wings, and then no one went straight to the stone gap leading to the outside Go on.
I quickly followed.
I failed to catch up with the middle-aged mysterious man. As soon as he walked out of the stone gap, he saw his figure dangling a few times, and he could no longer be found.
What secrets does Cocktail Lake hide? Otherwise, how could Qinqin write this place in his verse? Who wrote these two little poems carved on the stone? Is there a necessary connection between it and the piano I am looking for? Besides, who is this mysterious middle-aged man? What is his real intention to come to Cockscomb Lake? Is it just like me, in order to find out the secret between Qinqin and Cockpit Lake?
There are countless questions in my mind.
12
I went to Cockscomb Lake several times in succession. Unfortunately, I have never encountered the ragged mysterious middle-aged man I saw last time. I searched along the long stone seam and the stone wall around the Crest of the Crest of the Crest, except for the two poems I found last time, I have never found any other words.
Every time I came to the Cockscomb Lake, I always climbed to the cobblestone where the mysterious middle-aged man last sat for a long time. In those days, all my imagination was related to Cockade Lake. I even whimsically imagined that one day, Qinqin suddenly fell from the sky, and met me at Cockscomb Lake, and then continued her story of “Romantic” related to Cockscomb Lake, which I have always wanted to know but never understood … Without thinking, I even imagined that one day, Qinqin suddenly declared that she would be my bride, and then she took my hand, walked through this long stone seam, and came to the quiet Cockscomb Lake. We leaned sweetly on this human-shaped thousand-year-old tree, watching small crest-shaped paper boats folded in love with each other freely floating on the secluded lake surface, walking between the green mountains and clear waters … the last one , Qinqin and I jumped onto the beautiful boat together and sailed to the other side of happiness …
Such a daydream is beautiful and beautiful, but after all, fantasy is fantasy. It does not bring me any good mood except for a short period of self-deception.
Coming out of my daydream, my worries and distress are even worse.
Why did Qinqin mention Cocktail Lake in her poems? Where is she now? Is it possible for me to meet her again? This mysterious man obviously knows Qinqin, so what is his relationship with Qinqin? Is it necessary for me to go back and forth to Cockscomb Lake again and again to explore the things that have nothing to do with me, in order to have a copy of the so-called “Romantic”?
Too many questions are congested in my head, which brings me tremendous pressure. Fortunately, my thinking is still sober. I was soberly aware that the priority was to find a way to find the mysterious middle-aged man.
13
I didn’t expect to see the mysterious middle-aged man again so soon, and see him in such a special way.
I clearly remember that it was the 31st day of my temporary stay in Tancheng. At the time, I was just off work and some colleagues said that someone was looking for me at the door of the company. I hurried over.
Looking for me is a strange young girl.
“Are you Mr. Pu Fan?” The girl asked as soon as she met.
“You … how do you know my name?” I was amazed.
“Here, I’ll tell you later!” The young woman looked anxious: “I want to take you to meet someone, I wonder if you want to go?”
“Who are you going to meet? I didn’t know anyone at all when I first came here?” I was puzzled.
“Go and see, you know.” The young girl looked a little anxious, and she didn’t even explain to me.
I had nodded and agreed. Because I vaguely foresee something.
The young girl took me in the direction of Cockade Lake.
Along the way, I tried to talk to the young girl, but seeing her dignity and anxiety, I had to swallow back all those words I wanted to ask her.
The young girl took me directly to the sheep’s intestine trail winding between the cliffs and rocks leading to Cockscomb Lake. Even dumb people can guess who the young girl is going to take me to see.
After finally coming to the long stone seam, I looked again carefully at the little poem entitled “I am a slow poet” on the stone wall. Strong curiosity prompted me to step forward, jumped to the young girl and reached out to stop her. “You … who the hell are you?” I asked her, frowning.
“Is this important?” The young girl frowned, her face solemn.
“Of course it’s important. Besides, why did you find our company?” I mean nothing more obvious-obviously, I suspect someone has followed me.
“Well, get out of the way, when I take you to see him, will everything be true?” The girl spread her hands, and she had a lot of helplessness on her face.
Since the young girl said so, I had to lean next to the stone gap and let her go in front. Following her passed the long stone seam that I was already familiar with, and we soon heard the sound of flowing water.
Follow the young girl to the lonely and deep Cockscomb Lake. After looking around, I was disappointed because there was no third person here except me and the young girl.
“Don’t you mean to bring me to meet someone? Where is that person now?” I stood up to the girl, resisting my inner panic.
“Can I still lie to you?” The young girl sighed long.
I saw the young girl slowly walking towards the human-shaped millennium ancient tree. After coughing for a few times, she followed the disc-shaped roots of the ancient tree and walked towards Cockscomb Lake until her feet fell to a distance. She stopped when the pond was only two feet away.
“Hurry up! Those who want to see you are here.” The young girl turned to me and said.
Who else is there? Is this thousand-year-old tree empty?
14
Too late to think about it, I followed in a few steps.
Then I found out that there really is a big tree hole four or five feet square there, but because the position of the hole is directly facing the lake surface, it seems extremely hidden. Although I have sat idly under this ancient tree for many times, I have always not found.
“The one who wants to see you is him, shouldn’t you see it?” The young woman pointed at the man who was lying in a tree hole and said to me.
I looked in the direction the young woman was pointing. At the farthest end of the tree cave, a pile of dead leaves was lying on a pile of rags and skinny men. This man is the middle-aged man I met with when I first came to Jiguan Lake.
Seeing me, the man struggled and sat upright.
“You … are you a fan?” The man asked strenuously. When asked, he shivered as if he were about to fall. Seeing this, the young girl quickly bowed into the tree hole and reached out to help her.
I nodded and said nothing. I know that man must have something to say.
“Do you know Qinqin? Did you come here specifically to find Qinqin?” The man looked up at me. His face was pale and his voice seemed very weak.
I nodded again. I still didn’t say anything.
“You … you know her … now … where?” The man suddenly sobbed. His whining voice was mixed with the sound of flowing water, and there seemed to be a rhythm of the piano sound drifting through the heart.
I shook my head. I have a lot of doubts to ask, but I can’t bear to interrupt the thought of the man.
“She left long ago. Twenty years ago. I also came here a year ago. For one year, I have been with her every day. I have been talking to her every day and talking to her …” The man said that he suddenly stopped here. His eyes looked dimmer.
Following the dim glance of the middle-aged man, I turned my head, and my gaze was projected to the exact center of the lake surface of the Cockade Lake. The lake surface was shaking with the mottled shadow of the strange stone, which added a bit of mystery and strangeness to the deep valley. .
An ominous hunch quickly crowded out my heart.
15
“I followed you on the first day you came to Cockade Lake.” The middle-aged man looked back at staring at the pond. He turned his eyes to me: “I know you will come, and you will find this place sooner or later.”
“Why are you?” I blurted out.
“I rely on intuition.” The man moved his body hard, his face gradually calming down.
“Since the homicide occurred 38 years ago, people have talked about the color change of the Cockscomb Lake. With its hidden location, few people have been here over the years. Even if there are occasional people, they cannot escape my eyes. From the second Since ten years ago, I have used this as my personal territory. I follow you and anyone who comes to Crested Lake. “The middle-aged man’s mouth sneered.
Homicide case? Personal territory? My heart twitched instinctively, shocked, and even frightened.
However, to my surprise, the young girl who took me all the way, except for occasional blinks, always listened calmly, without even a surprised expression.
I moved forward two steps and stopped only less than three feet away from the middle-aged man. I stared into his eyes and asked, “Where is Qinqin now? Who are you?”
“Does this matter?” The man asked blankly.
“Of course it is important.” I answered.
“Did I tell you not long ago? She died 20 years ago. She died shortly after returning from Shenzhen.” The man suddenly seemed to have strength. His tone was soothing, as if talking about something that had never been related to him.
“So how did she die? You asked someone to bring me here from the company, was it just to tell me this?” After that, I set my sights on the young girl. The young girl lowered her head slightly after looking at me.
“She … she’s there …” After a long pause, the middle-aged man pointed his hand at the center of the pond.
“You mean that Qinqin is now under the water of the Crested Lake?” I jumped up instinctively and bumped my head against the root of the top of the tree hole. I squatted while touching my head, and at this moment, I saw the entrance of the tree hole, and even engraved a dozen lines of poetic and non-poetic words:
Dusk / The road turns from here / The wind changes speed from here / I spit my urgency / I swear the most vulgar words / Do n’t distort my sensual face and call my name / I used to ride With a horse of desire / Gods ca n’t help but lift me into the abyss / I am surrounded by mist / Do n’t call my name again / I do n’t want to be a prisoner of anyone anymore / I would rather be in the long darkness憔悴 / Do n’t call my name again / Since there are too many things I ca n’t face / I have to feel the pain of solitude alone / The wind changes speed from here / The thoughts turn from here / Do n’t call my name again / Sadness The taste is intoxicating me …
“Who wrote this poem? Is it you? Or Qinqin?” I asked the man. No response.
I quickly turned around. I saw the middle-aged man leaning his head on the pile of dead leaves, and the young girl was staring blankly in the direction of the hole.
That middle-aged man is dead.
16
I called the police.
Cockade Lake is back in the public eye after 38 years.
Police recovered the remains of a harp with stones bound to its waist from the bottom of the pond in Cockade Lake. It is said that the middle-aged man who just died was a Chinese teacher in Qinqin High School. Twenty years ago, Qinqin suddenly disappeared. Rumors about Qinqin and elopement have been tumultuous, but over time, people have gradually forgotten about it. Who would have thought that Qinqin had been buried in Crested Lake as early as 20 years ago.
To my shock, it is said that the deceased who committed the homicide in Jiguan Lake 38 years ago turned out to be Qinqin’s biological mother.
Shocked, I had a strong desire to unlock my doubts.
There are too many doubts surrounding Qinqin and Cockscomb Lake.
Why did Qinqin die here? Just to follow a mother who has been dead for many years? Did she commit suicide or did she kill? What was the real reason she went to Shenzhen alone? Why did this middle-aged man live in seclusion by Cockscomb Lake for more than a year? Is it really just to accompany the piano that has been dead for many years? What is the relationship between him and Qinqin? Would he be the murderer who killed Qinqin directly? Who is the young woman who took me to Cockade Lake to see a middle-aged man?
I’m baffled.
Since then, I have traveled to Cockscomb Lake many times by myself. I read the poetic and non-poetic texts left on the stone walls and in the tree holes over and over, and I searched every corner around the Crest Lake over and over again, always hoping to get any point from it and the cause of Qinqin’s death. Relevant clues, but ended up with nothing.
17
Because of the Cockade Lake, because of Qinqin, and because of too many unsolvable doubts in my heart, I became more and more depressed and depressed.
I decided to take a walk to Cockscomb Lake for the last time. I plan to say goodbye to Jiguan Lake. To be precise, after saying goodbye to Qinqin who had been at the bottom of Jiguan Lake for 20 years, I will leave this noisy city called Wucheng.
Climbing across the steep sheep intestine trail, through the narrow stone gap, and facing the sound of gurgling water, I stood for the last time by the lonely Cockscomb Lake. Too many complex emotions rolled in my head, and my thoughts were chaotic.
“Aren’t you planning to come again?” A familiar voice came from a distance, and in the middle of it, I saw a white-clad harp briskly approaching me.
“Qin Qin, aren’t you dead? Is it really you?” I greeted happily, clutching her hand tightly.
“I’m not Qinqin. Pufan, you’re daydreaming again.” The man shook off my hand.
I looked intently, and it turned out that the young girl who had brought me to look for the middle-aged man had stood before me.
“It’s you! I’m so sorry.” I was awkward.
“Why are you here?” I was more curious.
“I’m here to tell you a secret.” The young girl narrowed her smile.
I held my breath and listened to her say: “I was poisoned by the middle-aged man. I gave him chronic poison a few months ago.” The young girl said calmly.
“Why are you doing this? What is your relationship with him?” I asked in surprise. I feel my brain is very messy.
“If I told you that I was also a student of him, would you be surprised?” The young girl smiled bitterly, and her expression was rigid there.
I wonder if I should nod or shake my head. Did this young girl repeat the same tale of lyre and the middle-aged man?
I dare not think about it, but I have to think about it.
“A year ago, one of my girlfriends committed suicide. Soon he—our Chinese teacher also disappeared. It was not long before he disappeared that I found out that I was pregnant, and that was less than a month after we graduated from high school. I never expected that he would hide in this old forest in the deep mountains. The day you first found Cockscomb Lake, I also came here. He brought me here once a year and a half ago. That’s the time, just in Cockscomb By the lake, in that broken tree hole, he used both hard and soft, and took my virgin body … ”
All of this is completely beyond my imagination. I stared dumbfounded at the beautiful but slightly young girl in front of me. I wanted to tell her something, but I didn’t know where to start.
At the moment I was cyanotic, the young girl suddenly laughed a few times. I hadn’t responded yet, she had suddenly turned around and jumped into the deep pond.
Only then did I wake up like a dream—the young girl committed suicide in front of me.
18
Because of the young girl’s suicide, as a witness, I was summoned by the police.
It wasn’t until more than a month later that I was able to leave Tancheng.
The night before I left Yuncheng, I dreamed of Qinqin.
In the dream, Qin Qin caught up with me the moment the train started. She handed me a beautiful notebook with a cover of Celosia. Opening the title page, I saw a piece of text that seemed familiar to Juan Xiu:
The last time I saw you / was in a dream in February / I missed each other in a timely manner / you went away lamenting all the way / the wind and rain blow away your breath / and then I put all the memories related to you / all in my heart / For many years / I have missed / squeezed and pressed like a spring / almost pressed to the limit / I know that I will eventually hold it down / will get the strongest bounce back / I tried to make a call in the future / A strange voice told me / Life was originally a wrong symbol …
Waking up from my dream, I found myself already in tears. In my tears, I unknowingly sang the poem entitled “If You Have a Third Eye” that Qinqin left me 20 years ago:
If there is a third eye / we will not hit a full awkwardness on this day without wind and snow / we will not be under the neon light of ambiguous / inscribed with a childish and ridiculous vow / if there is a third eye / We will not be fooled by the “soul possession” / we will not extend indiscriminately in the chaotic season / virtual happiness / if we have a third eye / we will not be able to distinguish / day Color / direction of the wind / we would not be able to find a reason to stay because we are indulged in their respective shaky shadows …