Professor Dai Jinhua of Peking University said: The first lesson in life is also a lifelong lesson, which is how to learn to lose. Many times, we blame our children for failing to lose, but the fact is that behind every child who cannot afford to lose, there is a parent who cannot afford to lose.
Children ca n’t afford to lose, mostly because parents ca n’t afford to lose
Earlier this year, my family moved to a family of three next door. The couple was hospitable and hospitable, but they were too strong. They liked to be first in everything. Even if it is a game between children, they do not allow their children to lose.
The one I was most impressed with was the cycling competition of 4 children of the same age. The children of his family were behind because they started a little worse and started a little later than other children. The children didn’t care, but the female neighbor looked unhappy.
A few days later, the children agreed to fight again. This time, the children of his family rushed forward every round and won the round. The ensuing admiration of the neighbors and their wives was followed.
Later, his children were gradually isolated, and no children were willing to play with him anymore. In response, the children said, “He wins every time, and always wants to be a policeman. He never wants to be a bad guy …”
As the writer Liu Zhenyun said: Life hasn’t won or lost, but if you have a victory, you are a loser. Parents’ winning and losing psychology, in fact, hide their children’s attitude towards winning or losing: Children who can’t afford to lose are often due to parents who can’t afford to lose.
Children who can’t afford to lose when they are young can’t win when they grow up
Wu Zhihong shared a story in “Why Does Your Family Hurt People”: When he was a sophomore in Peking University one night, after waking up from a dream, he found a naked man outside the window and shouted: I am Peking University , I’m from Peking University.
It turned out that this boy was in the Department of Mathematics. Before going to college, he had always been the best student in the school, but after going to Peking University, he found that he could only take the middle grade. He couldn’t accept it, and he became more and more inferior. In a recent exam, he failed completely because he failed a math class.
At Peking University, this is a height that many people can’t reach in their lives, and he is inferior, depressed, and crazy just because of his middle grades.
Remember the tragedy that killed the first place, I was the first place? Qin, a junior boy in a school in Zibo, Shandong, only because Ma has been taking the first test, but he ranked second, he ambushed at the entrance of Ma’s neighborhood, killing him cruelly. The desire for good grades is the legitimate psychology of the students, but Qin did not take the lead because of his extreme behavior. Isn’t this a bad result?
There is a saying that wanting to win is the quality of the winner; but losing is a common problem of the loser. How can one’s life be perfect, teaching children to learn to admit defeat is a required course for parents.
Will make children lose, parents must learn to lose first
Economist Tim Harford said: Nothing can be achieved overnight. Human development, like biological evolution, progresses slowly in the process of constant adaptation and trial and error.
Whether it is parents or children, the essence of losing is actually a process of trial and error. In order for a child to learn to lose, as a parent, you must first learn to lose.
Wu Zun once tweeted that his daughter, Neinei, wanted to win the Asian ballet competition, but lost. So neinei cried sadly. Later, in order to make her daughter happy, Wu Zun not only took her to swim, but also shared her story of losing 26: 128 in a basketball game with her daughter. Soon, Neinei emerged from the mood of failure and had dinner happily.
When a child faces failure, the empathy and acceptance of the parents are particularly important: being sad with the child, not only recognizes his efforts, but also sympathizes with his emotions; sharing his failure experience with the child can not only effectively reduce The child’s guilt can also be taught by example, so that the child understands that it is not terrible to lose, it is terrible not to stand up.
Without comparison, there is no harm, and without comparison, it does not matter if you win or lose. Only by comparing children with others, and not comparing themselves with others, can we face winning or losing in the most beautiful manner.
Teaching a child to accept a loss frankly is as meaningful as teaching him to win.
Since the birth of the child, we have devoted everything to creating a winning environment for the child, for fear that he will be abandoned by the times if he is not careful. Unfortunately, winning or losing is the normal state of life. Just as there are no generals on the battlefield, life is long, and we cannot always be winners.
Tell the child that he will do his best in everything, no matter he wins or loses, he will only work hard. His parents’ love for him, no matter whether he is successful or not, will not be less.