Castle

“After New Year”.

Bit responded to this sentence on WeChat. Of course, it can be understood as coming to Jincheng after New Year’s Day, but it can also be said to push things to 2020, that is, he did not promise anything at all. Like the heavy snow floating in Beijing on Christmas Eve, for Zhang Xin in Jincheng, it was just an imagination that caused a certain mood, and would not actually bring anything. The conversation with him has become more difficult than ever, like squeezing a piece of toothpaste skin, and it can only come out a little from time to time. I do n’t know if it is blocked or there is no left at all. Everything happened after that dispute, and Zhang Xin could not have thought of the two words that rushed out, which would bring such serious consequences.

“I will not connect my future with such a person who does not care about his life!”

This is the sentence. Although the tone is a bit intense, it sounds like nothing at all, just as Trump called Zelensky. Besides, the reason is to know that there are several kinds of diseases in Bit, and he did not go to the hospital for medical examination, and refused to change to a slightly easier job. He was just taking his life seriously. This can at least be understood as some kind of concern. But like all foreigners, Bit felt that he violated his personal rights. Although Zhang Xin has been making friends only on marriage and dating websites registered by foreigners, he has lost interest in Chinese men at all. This cultural gap will eventually be revealed, making it impossible to prevent.

There are still three days until New Year’s Day. This is how 2019 has passed, followed by a full year of 2020. In the year of 2019, Zhang Xin felt that he had no clue, except for the matter of interacting with Bit. This matter also became clueless at the end of the year.

The rest is running between Beijing and Jincheng. Zhang Xin became infinitely familiar with Beijing South Railway Station and Jincheng Railway Station. The atmosphere of the two stations is very different. Even after a short half-hour inter-city high-speed rail journey, the personality of the two huge cities is completely different. In Jincheng, every time I go out to catch a train, in front of the landing of the viaduct next to the community, you can always see people who are crossing the main road in a hurry. There are not many cars on the road. Time seems to have slowed down, which is unimaginable in Beijing. Walking into the Beijing South Railway Station buzzing like an underground beehive, the busy and tense atmosphere rushes towards you, and if you slow down, you will be wiped. The man hit his shoulder. Zhang Xin couldn’t say which atmosphere he likes, because of this, he had to run around.

In Jincheng, Zhang Xin rarely went out. She felt that going out was only in a large nursing home, and no one could socialize. She also doesn’t like Jincheng people. Although they are providing for the elderly, they have a sense of laziness. They are like those who cross the road. No one feels the need to follow the rules, or be polite. She stayed here only because of a house.

Zhang Xin likes to tidy up the house. When I came here, the house piled a lot of unnecessary things in the important places, and it was almost difficult to live. It took Zhang Xin a few days to clean up. If there is one last thing that lives in the world that makes Zhang Xin nostalgic, it is to pack up. After tidying up, she became familiar with the house, and to some extent became her own, although the house was Lao Bo, which was left to him by Lao Bo’s parents. Lao Bo stayed in Beijing all the year round, renting a house over there, and rarely came back to live.

There was a wooden chair in the process of tidying up. Zhang Xin felt that it was too big to use, so he took it out and placed it in the yard. Lao Bo suddenly called back and said that there was a circle chair that his father used to sit in. Don’t throw it away. Zhang Xin looked at the room, there was no other circle chair, and ran out to find a circle chair. An old man was already weighing this chair, but the circle chair was a little heavy, he might not be easy to get rid of. Zhang Xin hurriedly said that the chair was just taken out by himself, and the old man looked at her strangely. It seemed that she should explain whether she was telling the truth or not. Taking it away, Zhang Xin felt that this was exactly what the Jincheng people thought. She almost took the chair back from the old man, thinking about where to put it. Later, she discovered that there was a space between the master bedroom and the living room. This chair and the other two boxes are also there.

When packing, Lao Bo came back to see him and slept on the sofa in the living room that had just been set up at night. Zhang Xin slept on the bed. Before going to sleep, the two casually chatted for a while, wearing pajamas and shorts as if they were the same sex, and naturally went to the shower one after another.

Lao Bo is a “comrade”. This is why Zhang Xin can become a good friend with him. Zhang Xin can always make male friends in this circle more easily than having sex with the same sex.

There are still some scattered things on the bookshelf that Zhang Xin did not throw away, but Lao Bo returned from all over the place. There are foreign documents, restaurant knives and forks, buttons, galleries, and most of them are plastic coins collected by the subway from the station. It happened that both Beijing and Jincheng subway stations changed plastic coins. If they are paper cards, Lao Bo should not be so interested. I don’t know how he got out of the station every time, about trailing.

“Shun” small things are the quirks of Lao Bo, which can’t be controlled. It’s like Zhang Xin walking on the street for two years, always putting his hands behind his back, throwing a bunch of keys in his hands, and then catching them accurately. Her little stunt often caught the attention of her friends, until one day she suddenly lost interest.

Zhang Xin did not know that Lao Bo would lose interest in Shunxiu one day. As an art designer, he should have nothing to do with this matter. He had no reason to know Zhang Xin who rented a facade near Sanlitun to sell clothes and lived there.

The reason is still Xiaoping who died for many years. Xiaoping is a roommate who rents a sofa in Zhang Xin’s living room. He came to look at the clothes in Zhang Xin’s shop. Before and after several times, he bought a few T-shirts that were almost girl-like. There is something special about his speech and deeds. One day, Zhang Xin suddenly guessed that he might be a comrade, and he was the kind of doing zero. The two chatted gradually. Unexpectedly, Xiaoping did not look at the clothes on the shelf in the end, but the red sofa where the back of the chair could be put down.

Xiaoping has enough sofas, no bed is needed. When he was in bed, he was always abroad. When he worked in an advertising company for half a year and earned enough money, he traveled abroad for the first half of the year, spent the money, and returned almost innocently, honestly. The company goes to work. Therefore, it is not cost-effective to rent a house in China. An overnight sofa is just what he needs. He didn’t even really put the back of the sofa down and unfold.

Xiaoping is a comrade, which is an important prerequisite for him to rent a sofa in Zhang Xin’s living room. If it is a heterosexuality, the two will naturally have endless troubles. He is also a person from a very distant province. Zhang Xin has no idea who is in his family. It seems that he rarely contacts his family, just like Zhang Xin after he quit his job as a kindergarten teacher and left Panzhihua.

Zhang Xin ’s master bedroom in his own bedroom, half of the master bedroom was lined with hangers, hanging clothes for sale, like curtains on the stage, and the other half with the bed, for Zhang Xin alone It looks a bit big. She has never found a suitable bedmate.

The clothes on the shelf were bought by Zhang Xin from the dynamic appropriation. At that time, the dynamic appropriation was booming. It was far from the face of demolition. The method of mixing in Beijing is also much easier. Renting a house to sell clothes in a place, even the storefront to bring their own residence has been resolved. For Zhang Xin, who only went to college in Panzhihua in her hometown and came to Beijing somehow, this is the best way to go, which is better than the clerks she has sold in the past few years.

The wholesale price of the clothes on the shelves is not expensive, and the T-shirts such as suspender skirts, etc., can’t be out of stock even if they are expensive. Hanging up can sell one or two hundred, Zhang Xin feels that this difference is not a problem, except for the difference in location, mainly including his own vision. This kind of vision is to carry a large black plastic bag to shuttle through the crowd of stalls in the dynamic appropriation. At a glance, you can see the taste of the materials, styles and patterns. It is not just a natural feeling. After a lot of time, the bargains were not available for the price, but fortunately they all got familiar later. Dragging a big plastic bag to take the bus to catch the subway, you can also feel the vision of other passengers, sometimes asked by the conductor to buy two tickets. But the hard work once a week can be exchanged for the other six days of leisure. In those days, I sold two clothes, sat down on the red sofa, and poured myself a glass of juice. Zhang Xin felt that in Beijing, many people did not feel so comfortable.

After Xiaoping rented a sofa in the living room, he taught Zhang Xin how to drink some wine while he was in China. He has some friends, and occasionally with Zhang Xin’s consent, he takes them home to drink and sits side by side on the red sofa he rented. Sometimes he also called Zhang Xin to go to Sanlitun with him, eat skewers and drink a beer on the street of foreigners. At that time, eating skewers was n’t called luban, and foreigners ’streets were n’t called dirty streets. Although the ground was indeed sparse and could reflect people ’s silhouettes, the shop ’s facade was also crooked and privately built, mixed together like various skin tones and languages. People sitting on the high stools in front of the store eating barbecue and drinking a large glass of beer, vigorously chatting and clinking glasses, no one takes the garbage and mosquitoes under their feet seriously, it seems that this is a must-have to come to Sanlitun. But on such occasions, Xiaoping was the one who maintained his usual attitude, never shouted, smoked a cigarette for a long time, and never threw tissues and cigarette butts everywhere.

Xiaoping’s temper was so good, he spoke slowly and carefully, and almost never blushed with Zhang Xin. It seemed that all the brutality and violence, even a little closer, made him feel ashamed and took the initiative to stay away, whether it was his or someone else’s fault. The only time when the two were in a tense relationship was when Zhang Xin believed in the Lord.

Zhang Xin, who just believed in the Lord, was particularly enthusiastic about spreading the gospel. He felt that he was filled with the Holy Spirit. When he walked on the street and pulled a person, he wanted to preach. He felt that the streets of Beijing were sparkling. She wants Xiaoping to believe in the Lord, and she wants him to change his homosexual orientation because it is a death sentence in the Bible.

Faced with her enthusiasm, Xiaoping was at a loss.

“I think it is a good thing for you to believe in the Lord, but I am different from you!”

Zhang Xin said that everyone needs the Lord, and that Xiaoping’s heart is hard and he refuses to confess and repent. The word confession was obviously very stimulating to Xiaoping. His bitter and smiling face just now became heavy, his head lowered deeply. Zhang Xin will continue to talk about his sexual orientation, but she has a faint worry that the relationship between the two will be irretrievable by saying this, or it is no longer the clear relationship that currently rents a sofa. The expected road. In this way, Zhang Xin suffered from insomnia in the middle of the night, and felt the slight snoring and breathing of Xiaoping on the sofa in the living room. Occasionally, I thought of it, but I thought it was completely impossible. At this moment, Zhang Xin dare not go, so she didn’t say any more, but continued to persuade him to believe in the Lord.

In the future, it seems that Zhang Xin kept the sentence and said that it was the reason why the two could continue the relationship between the second landlord and the tenant and friend. Xiaoping no longer brought his gay friends to his home, but he did not move away. Later, for a while, he was used to Zhang Xin’s evangelism, only showing his unpredictable smile. With more evangelism, Zhang Xin gradually felt that Xiaoping’s attitude was already very good. Once she and Xiaoping also had a friend eating at a roadside restaurant. Zhang Xin made a thank-you prayer and talked about Jesus ’cross and gospel while eating. That friend suddenly put down his chopsticks and rushed out of the restaurant to escape. , Never seen again since. At that time, Zhang Xin and Xiao Ping were both stunned. After a long time, Zhang Xin ’s own enthusiasm also passed a little, and the golden lights of Beijing ’s streets faded back to the face of Yang Xu, which was dusty and entrapped in the nostrils. However, a question remained in Zhang Xin ’s heart. Will it go to hell?

This problem gradually emerged in the two years before and after Xiaoping’s death. Six months before leaving, Xiaoping’s physical condition was not as good as before. Once he interrupted his tour and returned to China early, saying that he felt particularly tired. Usually he was sleepy. He sat on the sofa and fell asleep with his head tilted. The leftover wine in the glass forgot to drink. He did not wash before going to sleep at night. His body often exuded overnight smell. This is unimaginable in the past Xiaoping. Once when he tilted his head backwards on the sofa like that, Zhang Xin stole a photo of him with a Nokia mobile phone that had just appeared on the screen. At that time, he felt it was fun and did not show it to Xiaoping. The pixels of the photo are very blurry. When I changed the phone and poured it out a few years later, Zhang Xin was a little scared. Xiaoping’s face in the photo turned black, a bit like a dead one. This is the only photo she kept of Xiaoping.

Xiaoping often had a cold at first. In the past, the red wine and cigarettes on the coffee table were replaced by a long row of medicine bottles. Later, he told Zhang Xin that he planned to return to his hometown to recuperate and recover, and then returned to Beijing. Zhang Xin helped Xiaoping pack his things, not much. It was just a backpack. Xiaoping didn’t like to bring a trolley case when he went out. The backpack Xiaoping couldn’t bear it anymore and sent it back from the post, when Zhang Xin knew that his hometown was in Sichuan, and it was strange that he didn’t bring a little Trumpet in his Mandarin. Zhang Xin himself never speaks Sichuanese in Beijing, so neither of them knows that they are fellows.

After Xiaoping returned to his hometown, the half-bottle of red wine he had left was still there. Zhang Xin didn’t move, but he took the half-pack of Moore cigarettes he left behind one after another. Zhang Xin called Xiaoping twice. At the beginning, he answered the phone and said that he was recovering from illness. Later, when the phone was shut down, it would no longer work. Sometimes Zhang Xin will think about what happened to Xiaoping, and maybe one day he will suddenly appear in front of him, sitting on the red sofa with his familiar smile.

After Xiaoping left, the red sofa never welcomed tenants again, which meant that the rent for the house was one person less. The business is still the same. House prices near Sanlitun have risen, and the landlord has started looking for trouble. The lease expires in more than half a year, and the landlord is embarrassed to increase the rent directly, so he proposes that the house has a large area, and some of it is empty. Zhang Xin felt that this was to change her way to drive her away, and finally had to leave. House prices around Sanlitun have indeed grown, and there is no suitable house facing the street anymore, so I have to move to Caochangdi. It is far away from the move, and it takes a lot of time to buy goods back and forth, sometimes it takes a day and a half, and the ticket fee also increases. The location is a bit off, and the business is slack, and gradually it can’t be sustained.

When Zhang Xin considered whether to leave Beijing, he received an email from Xiaoping’s sister, Xiaoping’s tone, written two days before his death, less than four months before he returned home from Beijing. Xiaoping said that he was going to die soon. Considering that he immediately notified his friends, it was a big blow to everyone. He told his sister to tell everyone the news two years after his death. Mail delayed by two years. There were five or six cc addresses on the email, two or three of which were known by Zhang Xin, including Lao Bo who had drunk on a dirty street once.

After receiving this letter, Zhang Xin was still very shocked. Looking back seriously, she did not expect that Xiaoping might have died, and vaguely guessed what disease he had. It was only afterwards that he moved his house and tossed about his business, and he forgot about Xiaoping. Xiaoping told everyone not to be sad after receiving the email, he is very content with life. Zhang Xin thought of that problem again. A person like Xiaoping is extremely kind to people and will not hurt anyone in words or even expressions. He died of illness, and also considers the feelings of friends. I just sent an email to inform everyone, but the sexual orientation is not ordinary. Should such a person be convicted of death and go to hell? Can their sexual orientation be changed? After changing Xiaoping, maybe he won’t get sick or die?

Zhang Xin couldn’t think of an answer. Shortly afterwards, she closed the store and left Beijing to return to Panzhihua. This question and the memory of the Red Sofa had to be taken away from Beijing.

In Panzhihua, Zhang Xin still couldn’t stay calm, but once he left Beijing, it was even harder to go back. Her parents urged her to find someone. She did n’t want to obey their arranged blind date. She perfunctoryly went to the dating site because she wanted to practice a foreign language and registered a foreigner. Before Zhang Xin learned English for children, when selling clothes in Sanlitun, Zhang Xin I went to the oral training and was able to speak a few words with foreign customers who bought clothes in stiff English. Relying on this foreign language background, Zhang Xin chatted with foreigners in different countries on the Internet, both young and old, European, American, and Latin American, and later met Dutch David. David is an electrician, but owns a yacht in partnership with a friend. He spends half a year on work, half a year off, and sailing in the Baltic Sea and the Mediterranean Sea. This reminds Zhang Xin of Xiaoping, similar but so different. The two chatted up from Xiaoping, and the closer they became, the closer they were. David invited Zhang Xin to play in the Netherlands in summer and meet him in Marseille to experience his yacht.

That time Zhang Xin followed David and his friends to play the Adriatic and Sicily, and visited the bunker where Napoleon was imprisoned. In order to save money, he did not go ashore elsewhere, but stopped at the pier and sailed to Greece and back again. When I arrived in the Netherlands, I lived on the boat for more than two months and lived in his cabin for a week. Everyone was tanned and my foreign language practiced a lot better. Zhang Xin’s visa can stay for three months. Going to the Netherlands for three months every year, and staying in Panzhihua for nine months became Zhang Xin’s fixed schedule. With the first three months, the following nine months can be tolerated.

But despite their close relationship with David, they lived under one roof like a family, but the two had no relationship with the bed. The reason is that Zhang Xin believes in the concept of chastity before marriage after they believe in the Lord. The two must get married first, but the marriage must be the brother in the Lord. Despite his good temper, David is extremely stubborn at this point and refuses to believe in anything. His parents who died early were all Christians, but he believed nothing. Zhang Xin felt a little strange because he himself, a Chinese, persuaded him to believe in this Protestant country.

But the reality is that the two have quarreled for this countless times, and no one can convince anyone, just like the situation of Zhang Xin and Xiao Ping. Before actually believing in the Lord, Zhang Xin was not particularly sexually minded. The bed in Sanlitun was as big and improper as it was on the stage. There were several men staying in it, but they did not fall in love seriously. . But after he believed in the Lord, Zhang Xin felt that this was a completely different matter.

By the eighth year, the two had a quarrel after all. That time Zhang Xin went to Holland to get married with David, to end this two-day schedule, she felt that she couldn’t stand the nine months in Panzhihua more and more. However, the final effort failed, and David refused to let go of the issue of believing in the Lord, and he slandered God. Zhang Xin felt that the person in front of him was already in hell. A ticket change fee was spent. On a plane that returned to China for more than ten hours, Zhang Xin did not fall asleep for a moment. Later, he thought of earning food in English and opening a child English training class in Panzhihua.

Fortunately, relying on his own experience of traveling between the Netherlands and Panzhihua every year, as well as the spoken language that he can get, he asked David to buy European English teaching materials and send them back. After playing an advertisement in the circle of acquaintances and friends, Zhang Xin found more than a dozen elementary school students and began to experiment with the English teaching method for children that he learned from foreign teaching materials.

Running a class is not particularly smooth. The children are used to the knowledge points in the country and feel that Zhang Xin ’s teaching methods are too difficult to keep up with. They have spent almost all their energy in the classroom and other training classes, and then come back to listen to this class of most foreign language professors, a little beat back. When the child went back to tell the parents that the parents gave their opinions, Zhang Xin wanted to organize the parents to come and learn, appreciate the benefits of this teaching method, and organized two parent-child classes.

It ’s not good to have parent-child classes, even if it ’s free. Parents do n’t have enough time, and they do n’t overlap with their children. At night, children have to study on their own, only two hours after a meal. A few parents came, holding the role brand specially made by Zhang Xin, and using a strong Sichuan accent to speak English words that they had been taken down for more than 20 years. The children responded with embarrassment, occasionally Exposing the overwhelmed look, the atmosphere of the game becomes very heavy, which makes Zhang Xin not feeling.

After the training class was held for one year, the children dropped out of school one after another, and there were eight left in the second year, which was reduced to five in the next semester, and it was not cost-effective to rent a place for class. Zhang Xin sent these children away in one semester, thinking that Panzhihua is Panzhihua, and he still has to go to Beijing.

Twelve years later, Zhang Xin returned to Beijing.

Mother gave Zhang Xin fifty thousand dollars. She said: “You find someone to marry in Beijing, these 50,000 yuan is your dowry money.”

Zhang Xin himself has only three thousand dollars.

After Zhang Xin arrived in Beijing, he lived in a women ’s youth apartment near Shuangjing, a room with four canopy beds, eight girls up and down, and 40 yuan a night. Most of the people who live there are girls who have not found a suitable job in Beijing. Usually live for more than one month, each person has a key and an access card. Some of the girls who live with them want to be small stars, some clerks or the front desk like Zhang Xin did, some go to Beijing to lose their boyfriends, and some go to the national map to review the self-examination every day. There is a trolley case for each person, and the luggage is kept in the trolley case. In the morning, after washing in the public toilet, take out the best set of clothes, pack it up and stop and carry a small bag to go out. Back in the evening, sometimes I was too tired to go to bed in the public shower and fell asleep. Among them, Zhang Xin is older. Sometimes sitting on the edge of the canopy bed, her feet stomping on the not-so-clean floor, she seemed to suddenly realize that she was already in her forties.

Zhang Xin ’s schedule is not much different from these young girls, brushing recruitment information on mobile phones, running education companies, interviews. Her strengths include living abroad, oral English, teaching kindergarten and training courses. The shortcoming is that she has no qualifications and a good education. Because the time to come did not catch up with the start of the school, I had to wait for the vacancies of the training class teachers. There was no suitable one at the time, and I was catching up with the strict investigation of illegal private school running. It was guerrillas. Zhang Xin spent much more time in the women ’s apartment. There was no place to go except for the two nearby churches on the weekend. My little savings have been spent, and I don’t want to touch the marriage money my mother gave. While worrying, Zhang Xin saw Lao Bo.

Compared to the years of drinking on the red sofa, Lao Bo is obviously much older. But like most comrades, his personal situation has not changed much. He still goes to work and goes to the bar in the circle. There is no fixed partner. Zhang Xin and he met around Sanlitun. The place has changed a lot. The foreigner street has almost completely changed. Many privately built facades have been demolished. The tables and chairs set up outside the house have been demolished. It’s not dirty at all, but it’s not popular anymore. An quietly drinking Lao Bo’s coffee, Zhang Xin felt that it had not been tasted for a long time. In the small place in Panzhihua, she would rather drink tea. The two talked about Xiaoping’s letter. Of course, Lao Bo was also among the recipients. Zhang Xin talked to the women’s apartment where he lived. Lao Bo said, I have a house in Jincheng, if you don’t feel far, you can go to live. It’s just messy, you have to clean up.

Zhang Xin felt strange at the time that he believed in the Lord, but he always dealt with comrades and was taken care of by them. Lao Bo had a fixed boyfriend, and he was also drinking that day. He said that comrades also have their own churches, pastors and sacraments. Zhang Xin wanted to ask him if he often went to worship. Did he really believe that Jesus would rescue him during the prayer? He did n’t ask the exit and did n’t know what to say next.

In this way Zhang Xin lived in the current house. She can get up at 7 o’clock in the morning and take the 8:20 bus to Beijing. She can catch up with the 9:30 interview, together with the lecture; if it is more convenient to arrange in the afternoon, you can meet a friend in Beijing and take 10 at night When the previous car came back, you can also return in the afternoon, by the way, buy a vegetable at the vegetable market, and stop for dinner. This kind of work and rest can be maintained until a reliable job is found. If you have a job, you may continue. I feel that this is my own castle. With the rear, I can safely go to Beijing to collide. Zhang Xin suspects that there are many people like himself who run on both sides of the intercity Beijing and Tianjin.

After dinner, Zhang Xin would sit behind the sewing machine used by the old Bo parents in the kitchen as a small table and bask in the sun from the west. The table of this sewing machine is broken. Zhang Xin repaired it with a screwdriver. She eats a little fruit, feels leisurely, and sometimes sends two circles of friends. Although the price of apples is very strong, this is Zhang Xin’s favorite fruit. Its vitamin-rich juice is said to have an anti-depressive effect and is not as irritating as oranges. Sometimes, looking at the flowering and strong peach trees outside the window, Zhang Xin felt a little hazy, and the memory of breaking up with David and occasionally came to mind, and also worried about whether he could find a job. But in general, Zhang Xin is satisfied with his condition in this room.

During the summer, a foreign language training institution hired Zhang Xin. After work, Zhang Xin found that the schedule to continue running on both sides was too fast. Institutions have to go to class at 8:30 and get off work at 5:30 in the evening. They feel a little tired when they catch up with the car, not to mention cooking. They can only solve it at the basement of Beijing South Railway Station. Zhang Xin doesn’t like the noisy place at all. I feel that the price is mainly expensive. Under consideration, Zhang Xin moved back to the women ’s apartment and planned to live for two months. After the semester began to become a weekend class, he could continue his previous schedule.

Zhang Xin felt very unaccustomed to staying in the women’s apartment again. Needless to say, the place is narrow and the public toilets and showers are messy. It is enough for someone to snore at night. Fortunately last time, this time a fat girl moved in and slept in the upper bunk, making the bed creaky and silent, as soon as he was lying on the floor, the snoring sound of a thick man was overwhelming the whole house, everyone in the darkness They all woke up and started to silence each other. Later, they could n’t help but start to vomit. Two people tried to push her. She turned around and snore stopped for a moment and then sounded again. Zhang Xin had to give up like everyone else and put his head on the quilt. She tried to fall asleep here, but the sweaty smell in the aged cotton wool and the heat made her unable to breathe, so she stretched her head out and stayed up till dawn, and got up to catch up with the class. Several girls were late that day. Fortunately, the fat girl only lived for a week, otherwise it felt like the apartment had to be closed.

Only one day a week during the summer vacation, Zhang Xin will return to the castle of Jincheng to take a good rest. Except for buying food, she did n’t go out at all. She lay on the couch in the living room that she had set up against the door. She took a look at the photos of men on the dating site and answered a few messages. In fact, she did n’t have time to arrange. appointment. After the school started in September, Zhang Xin once again withdrew the room in the women’s apartment, usually staying in Jincheng, went to Beijing for guerrillas on weekends, lived with friends or sisters he knew in the church, and also took the time to meet the right blind date. I thought that such a day could continue, and somebody unexpectedly ended it before National Day.

After the start of the weekend class in September, Zhang Xin felt that the domestic version of the training materials used in the summer was not enough, and the students could not learn anything, so he copied dozens of copies of the Dutch spoken textbooks he used in Panzhihua and distributed them to the students. Twenty dollars for personal costs. Unexpectedly, after the students came home to ask for money, they were reported to the institution by the parents of the students, saying that Zhang Xin was charging indiscriminately. The person in charge of the agency scolded Zhang Xin. Zhang Xin, who had always been unacceptable, was irritated and scolded the person in charge. He fell off the job and left the job. He earned less than three months’ salary.

After resigning, Zhang Xin was idle for half a year, and it was inappropriate to find several jobs. An agency said during an interview that there will be a vacant position in two months. When that happens, Zhang Xin will be considered first and asked to go back to wait. After a few months, there is no news. Zhang Xin did not return to Panzhihua in the New Year. After the beginning of spring, Zhang Xin gradually realized that he had no savings and had to use the dowry money his mother gave. At first I thought I couldn’t move, and now I don’t care about that much.

One unit is an insurance company that specializes in the handling of transnational bodies. It is to help foreigners who have died in China to handle the aftermath, and transport the ashes or bodies back to their home countries. Those who need to understand foreign languages ​​need to deal with their families and embassies. Zhang Xin feels good. , After waiting for a while, there is still no text. But during the interview there, I met a foreign man who was insured, namely Bit. The two joined WeChat to chat, and Bit has been in China for more than ten years. He did not plan to return to his country before his death, so he came to handle this business. Zhang Xin did not expect Bit to be sixty-seven years old, enough to be his uncle, he looks much younger. Bit is a devout Christian, which makes Zhang Xin feel less of a major obstacle.

Zhang Xin did call Bit an uncle. The uncle is advocating in a public welfare organization, and he is working very hard to do things. It is rare to take the time to meet twice a week. Zhang Xin needs to make an appointment with him before starting from the castle of Jincheng. Although they were in their twenties, the two still had a good time chatting, and with meals and cups of coffee and beer, they often forgot their time. If the uncle’s work time is late, the residence will become a big problem. Zhang Xin often guerrillas at the home of the members of the church, which is anyway the welfare of the believer and the church.

For a few days, Zhang Xin was warmly invited by a newly-recognized sister to live in her house, but soon fell apart again.

This sister lived not far from Fucheng Gate, and was also a rented house. The place was not small, but the cartons bound by various types accounted for more than half. The cartons contained various things from the previous home. The house sent her daughter to study abroad, and the remaining things were packed and transferred here. Seeing these stacked cartons, Zhang Xin wanted to clean up, but unexpectedly caused a conflict between the two. When the sisters returned home, they saw Zhang Xin wiping the boxes, and his expression changed. Don’t move these things, she said. Zhang Xin embarrassedly stopped the rag in his hand and jokingly said, don’t move the dust? The dust doesn’t move, I’ll come by myself. The sister said. These boxes did not move, and Zhang Xin had no real place to open the shop, just spent the night on the sofa. She feels that it is a pity to waste a house with two rooms and one hall beside the Second Ring Road in Beijing, with more than 7,000 rents. Lying on the sofa at night, she thought of the cardboard boxes and the dust on the boxes, and she was overwhelmed by them. They were all occupying this precious space. She could not even rent ten square meters of them.

She suddenly thought that the night she came here, she had told her sister about the situation in Jincheng, she had collected the house of Lao Bo, and then lived in it. Should I not mention this matter?

The next day, the sisters asked Zhang Xin to borrow money, saying that her daughter had to pay a fee in Canada. She couldn’t make a turnaround here, and she would return Zhang Xin after a week of retirement. She said very sincerely, Zhang Xin went to the ICBC ATM to insert a card and took 3,000 yuan to her. This card was given to Zhang Xin by her mother when she came out of Panzhihua. Zhang Xin ’s marital capital was stored on it. There are 20,000 yuan left, and I have two jobs to make, and I can still get a little interest a day. Zhang Xin’s own debit card has only dozens of odds and ends. Since Zhang Xin came to Beijing, he rarely took out such a large sum of money all at once, and it was all used up sporadically. The money was lent to the sisters, and Zhang Xin stayed here for another day. The two people bought food for cooking. The food was the money from the sisters. Zhang Xin gave the money when buying meat, because they thought that the oil and the rice were sisters. Another day later, the sisters asked Zhang Xin to borrow a thousand dollars again, saying that the last cost was not enough. Zhang Xin refused, saying that he had no money.

At noon, the two didn’t have a partner at home, and went out to eat together. On the way, the sister suddenly proposed that a friend came to live with her for a few days and asked Zhang Xin to move out after a while. Zhang Xin agreed, but was angry when he thought of borrowing money in the morning, saying that good, I will borrow your money, and you should return it as soon as possible. The two did not have lunch together, and Zhang Xin took his trolley case and rushed back to Jincheng. On the subway and high-speed rail, she shivered with anger and forgot to eat. Back at the castle, she kept urging her sister to repay the money on WeChat. On the same day, the sister began to ignore her. Zhang Xin thought that she had met the legendary swindler of the church and was ready to go to her to settle the bill. But when the next day was about to set off, the sisters turned over the account. Zhang Xin gradually calmed down. After half a month, Zhang Xin met his sister when he went to a church in Beijing. The two happened to be next to their seats. At this time, Zhang Xin’s anger disappeared. I felt that I shouldn’t force my sister to pay back. Listen to the podium Jesus’ lesson was “to forgive us our debts as we forgive people’s debts”. She stretched her arms and gently hugged the sister. The sister did not respond.

After the party ended, Zhang Xin heard another believer say that the sister once told her that Zhang Xin started to clean up the house as soon as she came to her, “She has cleaned up the house, you are embarrassed to tell her to go, she grows Stayed, and finally the house became her. So I told her to go. ”

Zhang Xin was so angry that he had to go to her theory and think about it again. After all, he lived with others for a few days, and the borrowed money had to come back. It’s just that when you meet enthusiastic sisters again, you have to be considerate. She felt a little puzzled. How do people who believe in the Lord have so many ideas, but the comrades and friends they meet are so kind, without a little twists and turns.

However, Uncle is indeed a kind and unpretentious Christian. Every time the two of them eat dinner together, Uncle takes the chopsticks like Zhang Xin, and has been to the church twice, sitting in the park together. When I was on the bench, I naturally hugged twice. Zhang Xin felt that there was only one layer of paper that was not pierced. Perhaps this layer of paper did not exist already, but he needed to figure out the next step at some point. Zhang Xin hesitated whether to remind Bit. David, who had not been in contact for a long time, suddenly called Skype. Some distorted voices were shaking and crying, saying that he had just found out that the cancer was late and wanted Zhang Xin to accompany him.

Zhang Xin hesitated, and David pleaded again and again, as if Zhang Xin was his only trust in the world. Zhang Xin found that he is no different from a Chinese, although it usually looks so different. Eventually Zhang Xin agreed, went to the embassy to apply for a visa to go abroad, and prepared to place an order to buy a ticket. She was a little regretful and thought hopelessly that she might have to regain her trajectory again, becoming three months and nine months in the Netherlands, but now she can move those nine months to the castle in Jincheng. But this is just a fantasy. Actually, David has not had a few months in the world. She just went to accompany him for the last trip. Before the ticket was paid, Zhang Xin suddenly thought of a step and asked David on Skype if you would like to believe in the Lord.

David was silent for a while. After half an hour, he called and angrily accused Zhang Xin of asking him to believe in the Lord at this time, which was blackmail to him. “What I need now is your care, not faith. Do you know that every time I say a word, the sword suddenly hurts?” Zhang Xin could hear the weakness behind his anger and the fear of her reluctance to pass. She felt that the timing of her question was indeed a bit wrong, maybe she should wait until later. She thought of this uncle again. She hadn’t dared to tell him the news. She went to Holland to accompany David for three months. Can you continue with him when you come back? Thinking of this, she sent David a message again: “If I were in advanced cancer now, would you like to go to China to take care of me?”

Unexpectedly, this question made David even more angry. He said that you should not ask this question at this time. David has never been to China and does not speak Chinese, but he said that this is not the key to the problem, it is your problem. Zhang Xin felt that there was nothing wrong with her question. She found that David ’s thought was completely different from herself. After spending eight years together, she used to refuse to believe in the Lord. Now she knows that many ways of thinking are also different. of. David finally hung up the phone, and Zhang Xin’s ticket was not placed. After a few days, David sent Zhang Xin a message saying that his doctor diagnosed that his tumor could be removed. His spirit was a little better, and he didn’t mention Zhang Xin’s past to take care of him. Zhang Xin felt a little sad in his heart, and seemed to let go. He still has to find a job here and interact with his uncle.

There is a private school interested in Zhang Xin. Their courses are from 1:00 pm to 9:00 pm every day. Zhang Xin feels a little bit back to Tianjin City at night. I hope they will change to two o’clock in the afternoon. Maybe you changed the course time for you. Zhang Xin thought that she would live in a women ’s apartment in Beijing, or spend another two or three thousand renting a shared room, so she could not bear the castle in Jincheng. There is a girl studying abroad who intends to return to China in the near future. She is from Jincheng. She said that she intends to cooperate with Zhang Xin to set up an education and training studio in Jincheng. However, her schedule was delayed again and again, Zhang Xin felt that she could not get rid of the temper of the Jincheng people. The girls themselves often said bad things about the Jincheng people and felt that they could not do anything in their hometown. This thing is like many things that look like opportunities, and it’s gone.

Uncle gradually learned about Zhang Xin’s economic situation. Although the relationship between the two did not take a decisive step, he began to make money for Zhang Xin. On the birthday of October, Zhang Xin received the first WeChat red envelope that Uncle transferred to her, which was eighty-eight yuan and eighty-eight, and the postscript was Happy Birthday. After receiving this big and small red envelope, it was on the community road where the ginkgo leaves began to fall back from the vegetable market. Zhang Xin ’s heart was like a heavy and falling leaf. He was really happy. Since he broke up with David, this This is the first time a man has transferred money to himself.

During that day, Zhang Xin rarely stayed in the castle and went out to stroll around the most famous Five Avenue in Jincheng. The streets here are in the former concession, there are many old buildings in the Republic of China, the style is very foreign. At the beginning, most of the owners of these western-style houses came from Beijing and built such a house in Tianjin as the rear. Their heart was still in Beijing, called Yugong. On a street, Zhang Xin passed a hawker cart selling braised pig’s trotters. Looking at the bright red pig’s trotters, she suddenly had an appetite and bought one to hold, considering whether to take it home to eat. Later she found out There is a lawn at the street, an antique carriage parked above it, decorated like a princess in a fairy tale, and there is a kiosk nearby. Zhang Xin bought a canned beer in the past. The carriage was unattended, Zhang Xin took a little effort to climb up on the pedals, sat down on the brass seat covered by the window screen, and carefully nibbled the two pig’s trotters with the canned beer, then separated by disposable plastic The gloves sucked their fingers again.

After getting out of the carriage, Zhang Xin did not want to go home. She walked along the road, and the pig’s trotter gave her enough strength to walk across the bridge across the river. Zhang Xin remembered that this was Haihe, and the station was not far away. She usually passes by subway in this area. Today, she saw many foreign-style buildings along the banks of the river. I remembered that it was a concession, or something was left behind. The bridge itself is also built by foreigners, it is slightly arched, the bridge fence is white, the lamp post and lamp cap are Western style, there are several brass sculptures like the carriage, the shape is angel and girl, look It looks very foreign. The sunset shone on the surface of the Haihe River, dyed the blue river red, and dyed the Baroque buildings into gold. The breeze blew slowly. The angels and girls behind them all glowed, and Zhang Xin’s face brightened. For the first time, she felt that this city, which she used as a shelter, had its own benefits. It’s just this benefit, I have no mood to experience it. In the future, she has the opportunity to go down the stairs at the head of the bridge and walk along the banks of the Haihe River. At night, the lights are lit, and the scenery here is naturally different. Perhaps the uncle can be with herself.

The uncle transferred Zhang Xin two more times, the second was a transfer, 520. God knows he is very familiar with the Chinese routines of these numbers, and the third time it becomes 199. Zhang Xin waited for him to say that sentence, to advance that step, but he never said it. This made Zhang Xin feel upset sometimes. After all, according to the requirements after he believed in the Lord, there was no formal step, so there was no way to talk about it. The next step of intimacy, in fact, for so many years, she has forgotten what the intimacy of the body is like, but she occasionally lies on the castle bed, recalling in a trance, thinking for many years that it is shame, and now again Was awakened by the uncle. When eating that day, Zhang Xin couldn’t help but hint at Bit, and Bit talked about his physical condition. It turned out that he had two chronic diseases. It has been several years. He got the disease and transferred to a public welfare organization. He did not plan to go to treatment, nor did he take regular medical examinations. He felt that he could not live for many years anyway, so he might as well seize the present, so he chose the busiest job and gave him no time to stop.

Zhang Xin was very angry when he heard this story. After a complaint that you don’t care about yourself and don’t cure well, you said the first sentence. This sentence turned out to be the same as asking David if you would come over and take care of me. Then there was Bit’s silence, estrangement, and she refused to meet. A dozen WeChat replies, her apology had no obvious effect. Lying on the small sofa in the castle, Zhang Xin gradually realized that this pessimism about his body is probably the reason why Bit did not take the next step, such as proposing to her, even if she began to give her red envelopes. When he went to the body management company to consult, she should have thought of it. She pityed him and angry at his concealment.

In that case, why do you want to socialize with her again? Is it loneliness? But it delayed her time again. Her time is money, the day when her mother gave her a savings card on her savings card, and the orderly disappearance of the high-speed rail line to and from Beijing and Tianjin. Does he not understand? This is why he has recently started to give her red envelopes. Some kind of compensation. Zhang Xin became more and more angry, wanting to quarrel with him like he did to that sister, condemn him fiercely, and quarrel with what he owed in quarreling with that sister on Bit. But Bit does not quarrel with her, and probably cannot withstand quarreling. One of his chronic diseases is related to premature heartbeat, which may cause myocardial infarction. So Zhang Xin just sent a message to him, saying he was looking for a new date. Bit also agreed. Zhang Xin went to the long-lost marriage and love website again, like having a dream. What she felt secretly depressed was that the year and month of birth were there, and every time she landed, her age was quietly increasing, and the degree of inconsistency between her photos and the actual situation was also increasing.

After browsing a few times, Zhang Xin didn’t go to Beijing anymore to meet the new date. Uncle still couldn’t let go of it, and felt that there should always be an end, no matter what, it would be so, like her countless job search experiences, it was not a taste. The weather is cooling down day by day, and there are fewer and fewer days to go out.

On Christmas Eve, I heard that the first snow had fallen in Beijing, but there was no movement in Jincheng. Zhang Xin was not in a mood to go to Beijing to attend church celebrations or the like, but this snow on Christmas Eve brought a certain mood, Zhang Xin sent a message to Bit, wish him a Merry Christmas, and sent an apple by the way Emoji. Uncle responded to Zhang Xin’s Merry Christmas with the expression of a Christmas tree. Presumably, he will be off work at this time. Which foreigner’s church in Beijing is there? There is really a big colorfully decorated Christmas tree in the courtyard. The green pine branches are covered with apples, and there is fresh snow. Zhang Xin asked the uncle if he could come to Jincheng to see her. The uncle said that others were in Sydney to spend Christmas holidays, and then answered the opening sentence.

On Christmas Eve, Zhang Xin turned over and over, wondering what the uncle answered. It was about the time when Jesus was born in the manger. She was really bored in sleep, got up and cleaned up at home, this time as a bookcase. The glass door of the bookcase is closed, because Lao Bo said that it was all his parents ’books, Zhang Xin did not move before.

These books have really faded over the years, the pages have turned yellow and regained moisture, and some books ca n’t be opened. The spine is often damaged, revealing the rusty staples inside. The book binding of that era was so simple, just like that People. And all are science books, almost no literature, history and philosophy, seemingly untouchable and serious. While packing up a stack of horizontal yards of books, Zhang Xin found that a stack of old black and white photos of the family were pressed under the pages, almost sticking to the upper and lower pages, and he could only be carefully peeled off.

The photo was taken when Lao Bo was very young. His parents were still young, but the coloring almost faded away, which made people feel strange. My father, who is an engineer of the Architectural Design Institute, wears glasses, and his mother also has an intellectual demeanor. People in the old photographs of that era always had such a temperament. When he was a child, Lao Bo also had a serious feeling, even if he was holding a toy in his hand, it seemed that his mind was not there. When I turned to a family portrait of three people, this photo took off, but it didn’t fall quickly, but like a fallen leaf, it turned slowly in a spiral, so that she had no time to free one hand in the air. Catch. From this action, she felt in a trance that when she lived in Sanlitun, she did not lose her stunt after throwing the key behind her and catching it.

Of course, the reason why the photo did not fall to the ground was that it was too old, and the edges rolled up like a pile of fallen leaves. Zhang Xin flipped through these photos and could only combine them into one page and press them back into the page. He thought that this family is destined to not pass on.

Zhang Xin thought of himself as an only child. Both parents were laid-off workers in Panzhihua. In response to the national family planning call, everything did not fall behind. In the previous years, they were laid off overnight. My father also had a chronic disease like Bit, and could not do much work. My mother relied on opening a mahjong hall for so many years, and took a little of the banker’s fee and saved her a dowry fee. Since she was little, she didn’t like to stay at home. It’s probably because she couldn’t stand the sound of rubbing mahjong. Now she lives in Jincheng’s castle and uses the money that little mahjong takes. Without a suitable job in Beijing, how long can the castle last?

She thought of the dead Xiaoping. There was only one red sofa rented in Beijing. Finally, she fell ill and returned to her hometown to die. If you get sick one day, do you have to go back to your hometown and let your parents take care of it, just like Xiaoping? Parents are getting older, and they are about to become the characters in the curly photos. Who cares for whom?

The rustling outside the kitchen window, like a thief’s movement, is also what Zhang Xin sometimes worry about. After all, she doesn’t know anyone here. Perhaps it was the rat that appeared suddenly. She looked over there anxiously. There was nothing strange in the room. The murmur came from the window, and the snow was falling. This heavy snowfall from Beijing on Christmas Eve finally came to Jincheng.

The intercity railway tomorrow morning may be out of service.