Wang Jiayan is not the beautiful Queen Yuyan portrayed in Jin Yong’s martial arts novels, but my hometown, a humble village. Wang Jiayan was originally called Wang Jiayan, but after the advent of the computer age, the word “Jiang” of Wang Jiayan cannot be typed on the computer with pinyin. As a result, Wang Jiajie was simply planned by the planner again, and the “earth” was removed. The lost Wangjiajie became Wangjiayan, and most of the time existed in the form of landless Wangjiayan. In this era, there is no difference between having and without soil. Although people often jokes that some people have a strong local flavor and describe some people as “rusty in the soil”, the ancestors taught us that “the world is full of king soil and the shore of the earth. “Is it a king?” It does not matter whether there is soil.
In a nutshell, I have spent 12 years in Wangjiajie. I left Wang’s family after unlocking, and graduated from elementary school. Like all rural areas in northern Shaanxi, Wang Jiakai has the custom that children must be unlocked when they are twelve years old. The ceremonies are presided over by highly respected people. Generally, the oldest woman in the family is tied with a red rope around her neck. , A lock, a rope to unlock once, a total of twelve times. After unlocking, the child will be full of spirits from now on, and ghosts will no longer be able to get on the body easily, and children will no longer see ghosts. Otherwise, before the age of twelve, children ’s souls are incomplete and ghosts can easily invade. I do n’t know what traditions are left over from time to age. After twelve years old, it is considered to have grown up. If you do anything capricious again, you will be taught: “People who have unlocked the lock are still so ignorant?” Unlocking on the twelfth birthday is a grand event. The children feel serious and excited and feel anxious, of course, the anxious is What can’t be revealed, every child can’t wait to grow up and bumps forward happily.
I went to junior high school in another township from the age of twelve and returned to Wang Jiakai once a week; three years later I went to high school and returned to Wang Jiakai every two or three months; then I went to university and returned to Wang Jiakai once a year; another five years, My grandmother passed away, and after that, I went back to Wangjiajie once a few years.
When I was in high school, the village received the township planning book, the township received the county, the county received the city, the city received the province, the province received the country, our village, It is this village called Wangjiacheng that was planned to move to Xinjiang. I remember when my third father told me, he seemed a little excited. I thought he was really filial. After moving, this place is far from the land where Zufen lives. The important thing is that I already learned a little bit about geography at that time. I know that Xinjiang is very cold. Our cold period is 267 days. They should be more than us. Although the cantaloupe raisins are delicious, I am still reluctant to Going there, hearing the news, I just felt a little sad in my heart. Fortunately, the country’s policies are always changing, and they have stopped and changed their plans before moving to our village. However, our village still failed to exempt the fate of change. After graduating from college, I was relocated to the new countryside. The construction of the new countryside is similar to that after the Wenchuan earthquake, but ours are all bungalows and there are no tall buildings. The house in my village is almost a house crowded, like a row of commercial houses in the city, but two or three bedrooms in a house, but there is no front yard or back yard at all. There is a big road in front of the main entrance. The cars run around all day long, and the back door is a ditch.
However, the first few years were fresh, but soon the problem came. Cattle have no pens, sheep have no nests, chickens cannot be raised, cats cannot enter the house, but there are many dogs in a long ditch, nest after nest, starving to death, car running to death, and it happens from time to time. My family was crushed to death by five, and I still knew it, but I did n’t know it. But God bless, my old dog that has been feeding for many years is still alive, from the old village to the new village, it has been following, it is the only old dog in the village that has survived for more than five years, so many people say it has become a dog essence Too. Thank God for giving it a long life.
The young people have gone to the city. The elderly, those with weak children, and the children without children are still living in the old village. The state has not planned for them. The crops are the same. No need to consider subsequent development. Five-guarantee households with no children, no one cares about them, and they just waited to die; those with thin children have no food in the new village, and the children of the house in the new village still want to rent it, even if it is left, they do not want them to live in the old . The new village is equivalent to the city, and you need to shake off the dust and wash your feet frequently when you enter the room; the old village is all villagers. The sieve bran feeds the pigs up the mountain, and the medicine is poured into the ditch. The dust is always dirty and dirty. Not to be seen. Some even have a family. Zhao Hunniu ’s wife lives in Xincun, and Zhao Hunniu lives in the old village. They have been married for 30 to 40 years, but she just feels that he is dirty. Now that she has a new village, she can be isolated. In the old village. When he came to Xincun occasionally, he also sent money to send potatoes and yellow rice. Instead of going to the main bedroom and living room, he only stood by the kitchen at the back door and had some leftovers.
two
I can accept Wang Jiajie geographically rather than purely emotionally, after the death of my grandmother. After that, in the summer and autumn season, I will return to the old village and the new village of Wangjiacang with the eyes of the third party. I watched it run down, the village was dying, and I visited those graves. I am standing on the top of the slope of the old village, and the twilight is in harmony. Often, I will have a sense of abundance. Only then did I know that I have so many memories. Wang Jiacheng is my personal museum. There are no children in the city and children in the countryside will not enjoy it. This is my personal museum. I have been here from one embryo to twelve years old, and for the next six years, I have been dreaming of fleeing here just like a fish that keeps plucking out of the water. When I was nearly 20 years old, I managed to escape and became a dandelion on the ground. No root system, no one can bind me. Today, I am in my thirties.
I still remember my girlhood. In September of the nineties, I read the first day of the first year and stopped living at home. I returned once a week to get dry food and sauerkraut. Pack a large can of kimchi in a large can, and press it tightly, otherwise it will not be enough to eat. From Monday to Friday, we have yam porridge in the morning, or only rice porridge, cabbage yam at noon, add yellow rice, and yellow rice porridge at night. After three years of eating, it has not changed. During the holiday season, we may eat pork dishes at noon, and one person is lucky to get a slice of pork. We use big spoons to cook meals, a class person, in turn assign two people to a large iron basin, and then choose individuals to share the meal. Yam porridge is sometimes fresh, but it has to be eaten. Many people have stomach problems before graduating from junior high school. My sister is that after graduating from high school, she wanted to vomit when she saw potatoes and cabbage, and she became thin. For us, if you can choose, potatoes and cabbage should not be eaten for eternal life. In northern Shaanxi, potatoes are called yam. Yam yam is simply poison. I can still remember the vomiting taste of Chinese cabbage boiled yam. However, when we are very hungry, we still eat these two kinds of mixed foods. They are the last food in our lives. They do n’t need to be difficult to get them, while others are too extravagant. From this point of view, Cabbage is a benefactor. Chinese yam scholar, Chinese cabbage beauty, especially sour cabbage, passed by in childhood, it is almost the most delicious food.
On the eighteenth day of the twelfth lunar month, the wind was blowing, and the village before it was dusk. I was standing under the dried jujube trees in the yard. I heard that the villagers said that the sister-in-law in the lobby was sick. I had seen the doctor in the county and it was invalid. I was going to see a big hospital in Taiyuan. Because when the sea sons were cut in autumn, the sister-in-law in the lobby and the second sister-in-law fought for a sea mangrove tree and ended in failure. The root cause is that the second cousin has the ability and has a position in the Liu family yard. Whoever wants to go out to work in the family is on his way. He is a small factory manager, so everyone is stumped, and the parents are short in front of him. Minute. Actually, the tree was planted by the sister-in-law in the lobby, but it was just planted outside the courtyard wall of the new house of Ertangsao. The tree has been around for several years, and the house has only been two or three years old. But the people scrambled, and the sister-in-law in the lobby always felt that the tree was her own. She went to pick and cut Hai Hongzi, and the two concubines fought. Three sisters-in-law watched the game and felt that they were playing well. She grinned and talked to everyone while nibbling on the seeds. Uncle Uncle thinks that this is the sister-in-law in the lobby looking for gas, deliberately pretending to be sick, the rural people were reluctant to pay in that year. I stayed at home in October, and did nothing and could be ill, so I felt pretended, so I scolded the lobby brother and did not support him to see a doctor. However, it was still on the street that night, and went to Taiyuan the next day. After a few days, the people who came back in the coffins never passed. It is a pity that there are three children who are waiting to be fed. The youngest is Min Min, seven and a half years old.
I have always remembered the cloudy wind blowing when the sister-in-law left the village. It was not big, but cold, and it snowed at night. My grandmother said it was probably a serious illness. Unexpectedly never came back. It is said that it is heart disease, congenital, and it happened once in the era of being a girl. However, in the countryside, these diseases are not accurate, and it is true that people died. In the old graveyard, there is a new tomb. In summer, the grass is luxuriant, and it is completely impossible to see what it was buried in winter. Only the tomb is large and vaguely discernible. The new house she built just two years before her death was three rooms, two of which were for two sons to marry a daughter-in-law, and one was for an elderly couple. The two houses in the house belong to the kind of apartment built by urban people now, that is, two rooms and one hall, plus a kitchen. In northern Shaanxi, the rural toilets are small latrines. Even now, they are still outdoors. There are almost no rooms in them. At least I have not seen them so far. Everyone uses spittoons. Now some people in the new village have installed solar water heaters You can take a shower indoors. When the sister-in-law in the lobby built the house, she never dreamed that she would plant a tree to cool off. Her life was like the sea red tree she planted.
The sea mangrove tree has grown into a big tree for more than twenty years now, but the sea mangrove tree is not a tree like the poplar tree that grows straight up. The sea mangrove tree is a flower and fruit tree, and its branches swell everywhere. It blooms in spring and the flowers are reddish in white, like a girl’s red cheeks. In the flowering season, the girl under the sea red flowers is the most beautiful. It’s a pity that I haven’t seen the sea safflower bloom or fall for more than ten years, and I haven’t seen the sea safflower. When I go back to the season, it is a small blue fruit; I usually live for about ten days, and leave before the dates are red, so I can’t wait for the sea red fruit red. The sea red fruit is a dark red with a bright color, and it is bright. It ripens at the end of September in the lunar calendar and hibernates after the leaves fall in November. Haihongguo is a kind of tree for me. When I was in the fifth grade, I didn’t save enough tuition and owed it first. Finally, we cut the sea red fruit of the sea red mangrove tree on our head, dried it, and sold the tuition. Books are old books left by brothers and sisters. Thank you for your motherland ’s education. For many years, the textbooks have not changed, so that children who ca n’t afford books can read the books.
My classmates in elementary school are now married with two or three children. Their men work part-time and women take children. They are all graduated from elementary school before finishing junior high school, some go out to learn to drive, and some go out to be nanny. The reason why I have been studying, reading hard, and taking the first place is because I am afraid my family will sell me and change my brother. They have this idea. When I was young, my family members told me in front of me that I would change my relationship, give my brother a wife, and ask if I would like it. There was a girl named Meijun in the village, and that was how it was replaced. I came back from the ground and passed her house. Mei Jun was lying on the kang, crying, saying that she did not want to marry the fool. She hadn’t eaten for three days, but was finally forced to catch the car.
three
The tree like sea red fruit is to be pruned to fight pesticides. Although it is not like a child who needs careful service, it also needs people to love. The crops in the field have to be said to be unhealthy, otherwise the crops will lose energy when they hear it, and soon they will be angry, and they will not grow any longer if they are not angry. The fullness is no longer full, and the sparrows are flying everywhere. . Crops are like people. They like to listen to good words, but they can’t be too boastful. If they are too boastful, they will think that the host is not humble, and they will deliberately grow up. The elderly in the village have this experience, so it is not bad to see the crops sprouting from spring to the big autumn harvest and not hitting the bag. This is my grandmother. The red dates in the old village are ripe and no one beats them. No one cuts the sea red fruits. My mother said that the environmental pollution years have also been broken. The sea red fruits do not bear fruit, and the red dates do not grow. I always thought that the trees were ashamed to death, no one came to collect their fruits, what is the point of living. Fortunately, they still bloom year after year and grow leaves. It was the tree planted by the dead sister-in-law in the lobby. It grew outside the wall of the second-daughter-in-law ’s yard where my mother is now living. The feeling of an old tree.
One year, when I went back, it was summer. In the morning, I heard countless birds barking in the courtyard. Pushing the door out, all the whales flew away. At first glance, it felt like hundreds of them, and all the black pressure fell on the sea mangrove tree. Suddenly felt that my mother’s life was like a meditation, really rich. There are wild pigeons, marijuana sparrows, little sparrows, partridges, long-tailed magpies, and there is a black-tailed bird, but not a crow, I ca n’t name it, anyway, wearing a black robe. There is another kind of piebald bird, and I do n’t know what it is called. This kind of bird I used to hold a bird in a cave when I was pulling a birdhouse in my youth. They put the nest in a small cave in the mountain, holding some dry branches. Make a nest, like our cave in northern Shaanxi. When I arrived in the South, I was always laughed at as a semi-burrowing animal. It was not unreasonable. I did not think that the birds in northern Shaanxi were also semi-burrowing animals. I don’t know if they imitated humans or humans imitated them. Once I found out that my favorite woodpecker was also on the tree. I loved this kind of bird when I was young. They worked hard and ate insects constantly. Their flowers and clothes were so beautiful. They pecked insects like playing instruments. I like this instrument.
Every time I returned to the village, I always felt strange, and various voices filled my mind. The house where my mother lived went out of the courtyard and crossed a road. On the opposite side stood a large cement monument with the words “王家 墕” upside down, just like a person who fell down and fell asleep. It is also a kind of performance art, a heroic way of death. In the combat movie, the bad guys rush forward when they die. It’s a pity that no matter which way, they are already dead. The stele was actually established for a few years, and it is the sign of the village. Now, it is the tombstone of the old village. The old village is a living tomb, waiting for the death to receive the last batch of people. Now the new village is doing a billboard that is brightly colored like a red flag, and a large blackboard is attached, which contains various government advertisements.
The scenery of Wang Jiacheng is to me, everything is familiar, but everything is clearly strange. When I wake up at nap, my mother will ask me if I want to eat watermelon. She would carry a watermelon out of the loggia next door, which was not the taste of my childhood. The millet hay has been placed in the cold room for more than ten years, and there are some big urns, which used to be filled with grain, but are almost empty now. The mother grows persimmons, radishes, eggplants, cucumbers that she eats in the yard, and half-yard potatoes and sunflowers. My mother likes to eat sunflowers. I like to watch my mother concentrate on eating sunflower seeds. I am not very close to my mother. I was brought up by my grandmother, but I often see my mother eating with a good appetite, and my mood will be better-this has never been said to my mother in person.
Only here, in the old village of Wangjiajie, do I feel the change of history, and I feel that the past is connected with the future. Not in books, I read so many books, from elementary school exams to doctorate, whether it is thick books or thin books, while shocking me, but it can not make me feel the same, the historical record is the experience of elites, not us. Only in Wangjiajie did I find my source, my allusions, my geometric order.
I walked around, to the graveyard, to the bottom of the village, to Dagou Bay, the only well in the old village, to the field where melons were planted as a child. I sit on the ground, in the sunflower or corn field, I hide my body, watch the rabbit running, the bird spreads its wings in the sky to block my blue sky, and let the ants do its long journey on my naked ankle, I no longer squeeze them with my fingers, none of them. There are grasshoppers flying in the grass, standing on green or yellow-brown belly, and I will no longer remove their wings, or tear them apart. In children’s years, I often do this. Regardless of whether I am angry with adults, I have a hidden desire for violence. When I see insects, I have a desire to solve it. I am angry at the bottom. At that time, I always wanted to catch the sparrows and ate them while roasting. The sparrow’s leg meat was delicious. Unfortunately, I didn’t have this ability. I am afraid of owls in the sky, I am afraid of snake millet on the ground. It was many years later that I learned that our dialect is a small animal called snake millet. Its scientific name is lizard. It is not a snake, although it looks like a family of snakes. , But it is not toxic or less toxic, but I am afraid of them, and it is still there. Our old family thought it was the uncle of the snake, always found them running fast on the road in the field under the red willow bushes and trees. When it finds a person, it is not as slow as a snake, it will be like a person smelling a person’s smell, pause for a while, and then run straight from the person’s feet and flee towards the slope. It seems like it was intentionally scary. Lizards will change color. Like humans, they all eat meat and meat. They are omnivores. God wants to send them to work in the world. I do n’t know what crimes I have committed. I am afraid that owls will peck my eyes and snake millet will bite me. I have a great fear of death and disability. Sometimes disability is more terrible than death. The aunt in the service married a poor family because of the wind and gave birth to five children, and suffered a life of poverty. I was afraid of being blind, deaf, or something else. I know that my life will fall into darkness and no change . Even now, I still have this kind of worry, I am always afraid of getting sick. When I go to bed, I always feel that my left heart is empty, especially when I press on the left to sleep. I check the computer all night and all night to find out if there are any signs, because I know deeply, even now, No one still takes care of me. I am ill and will be disposed of with fate, I am afraid. I was afraid when I was young, and I was still afraid when I was older, but I was not able to build a family-maybe having my own family could eliminate this persistent illness from childhood.
In the old village, few people lived, often blocking the road, and many people’s yards could not enter. At that time, everyone had to fight for money, but now no one wants it. The old yard is there, like a desolate tomb. I was in the first and second grades and learned the poem of “the young and the old leave home”, now I walk in the village, I really feel this way. The ghosts in those graves returned and wandered around the village every day, and they probably felt lonely.
A family surnamed Zhang, the courtyard is a compound, walking down the steam channel is her house. We do not call this highway a highway, but a road. It is the only road in the old village. The old woman of the surname Zhang has been more than seventy. Her hands are the common chicken-clawed hands in the countryside, and she can no longer straighten. She suffered a lot, and her eldest daughter-in-law died after drinking pesticides. When she was buried, she uncovered the unborn baby. She was eight months old and was a kid. Later, more than ten years later, her second daughter was smothered again by smoke, and died in her mother-in-law’s house. At this time, she already had two children, who were waiting to feed. The eldest son was in the factory because of the pesticides his daughter-in-law ate. At that time, she went to the factory to make trouble, but he was arranged in the factory. Then he married another widow, hugged a son, and brought back a daughter. It’s a pity that my daughter, who graduated from junior high school and attended a kindergarten, couldn’t make up the tuition fees. Grandpa’s carts and carts sold food, but the mother-in-law did not give a little money. But now there are children and children, in the countryside, this is called alive. The old woman had a bad relationship with her second daughter-in-law. After spending a few years with her, her second son also moved away. Now, only the old woman is left to live alone in the old village. Her family is on the west slope of the village, and almost no one lives there. Sometimes she would tremble and move to talk to my mother. My mother should be there. An elderly widow and a young widow. They stood in the courtyard and let the wind blow their hair, say something self-confident, but only comfort each other. . I always looked sad, and thought of sentences like “Baitou scratched shorter, wanton hairpin”. “The loess is buried around your neck, you have to study hard, live a good life, and be filial to your mother.” This old woman always followed my arm and rubbed and rubbed these words. When I was talking, there were tears in my eyes, and I used my shirt to wipe it. I do n’t know why. I do n’t like her touching me with that pair of chicken feet. I also do n’t like her old tearful saying to my mother: “Orphans and widows, they also seem to be happy adults.” About my mother also did not like it She did so, so she didn’t speak for a while. The less we talked, the more she cried. No way, in the end, my mother and I cried with her for a while, and she was willing to give up. We dare not mention her second daughter, who is afraid to take her life. It ’s such a feeling to cry your father and mother through someone else ’s hall. When my mother walked out of the yard and my mother went to see her, I took a breath, as if I had briefly settled my concerns. But to be honest, I can’t talk about how annoying she is. I just don’t like this way, so sometimes when she comes, I read the book in silence without saying a word. She glanced at me, then at me again, and she shed tears, pitying my orphans, the orphans in the world look like that. Although I am an orphan, I am very good-natured and I do n’t like being marked like this, so it ’s not a taste.
Her yard went out through the Daqi Road, and there was an orchard. When the old man was alive a few years ago, the grapes there were put on the shelves every year and could be eaten. She will send one or two bunches to the house. It is the only family in the village that has grapes except for the lump on the Wang family. I have never eaten the grapes on the pimple. There are several families living on the pimple. From the pimple, the pagoda is Liu Tower, which is regarded as the orchard of the Wang family. There are peach trees, pear trees, apricot trees, begonia trees, sea red subtrees, jujube trees, and yellow marshal trees in the orchard. Marshal Huang is a fruit that looks like an apple, and is a grafted species of apple tree. I have only seen this fruit in Fugu County, because Wang Jiajie was called Huang Yuanshuai, I called it Huang Yuanshuai, and it started out blue It’s the size of an apple. When it’s ripe, it’s greenish yellow. It doesn’t taste much like an apple. In addition, we have a fruit grafted on the Haihongzi tree, called Bingzi, which is slightly larger than Begonia, and grows similar to Haihongzi, but is larger than Haihongzi. It feels very uncomfortable, but when it is cooked, it is sweet. I like the blush. From the house where my mother lives now, after passing the Daqidao, it is Aunt Liu Bao ’s house. There is a public tree in her backyard. It is a pomegranate sapling. The fruit is bigger than a cherry, but it is firmer and more sour than the cherry. However, the fruit is very It is dense and the only such tree in the village. I don’t know who planted it in which year or month. Aunt Liu Bao always grows sweet potatoes under the tree. When we were okay, we stood under the pomegranate tree to watch people waiting for the bus. Of course, at that time, the car had not been diverted. There were many cattle and sheep in the village, and there were many people. The marrying team has passed, and they have not left yet. They can talk a little gossiping and comment on the bride or the groom. It’s the same with white things, they will give pointers, whether the daughter-in-law is crying really or the daughter is crying well, can someone cry and die, the best. When my second dad was buried, my sister in the lobby, his daughter, collapsed with a cry and was rescued by the family with a sniff. On the last day, she did not let her go to the grave. However, she later became rich, with hundreds of thousands, but she never saw anything brought to my grandmother more than two hundred when she came to her family. But her mouth is good, coaxing people around. In the funeral of my grandmother, my cousin cried almost breathlessly again, but this time everyone had experience and didn’t take it too seriously, but he came to himself. I hate people who keep crying, including my mother, and sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and makes me angry. Even if life puts a machete on our neck, we should move forward courageously, and we should not allow our tears to blur our eyes. They are better, and cry, the responsibility will no longer be borne. cowardly!
four
In northern Shaanxi, building a house for a son and marrying a daughter-in-law and raising a grandson is the most important career of most people in their lives.
Northern Shaanxi is poor. Although coal has developed over the past 10 years, the rich and the poor are severely differentiated. Poor rural areas such as Wang Jiacheng have many bachelors. “No filial piety comes with no power,” people are afraid that no one will smoke at the head of the grave, so they fight for a baby. Jin Gui’s boy was a partial eclipse when he was young, and was often raised by the little emperor at home. Many people, especially those with only one son, these boys are simply a waste. They have done nothing since childhood. They have clothes to reach out and open their mouths. Even homework is written for them by sisters and sisters, but nutritious things let them eat It was lost, so that all of them were indifferent and had no difference in grains, so they had a good body with excess nutrition. The only expectation of parents is that they will gradually become their own business, which is two things: marry a wife and have a son. When they have a son, they will feel that their life is a big deal, and they are looking forward to their son growing up and reborn. In this village where I lived since I was a child, this has not evolved.
This is the case of Er Huan Dad ’s son, who has been fooling around since he was young, eating and wearing Jinyi and Yushi, and finally raised to a few years old. His grandma accidentally let him steal the watermelon with the rat poison on the chopping board Afterwards, after gastric lavage and intestinal lavage, they came to the rescue, but everyone said they hurt his brain from now on. Including my own elder brother, who is also a clever young man, he can be a beam and a junior high school student. He rode down a car from a long slope and fell into the ditch. The reason for the family is that after that, the brain is not very clever, so they don’t learn to be successful. Anyway, boys are genius since childhood, and grown into mediocrity, all caused by the external environment. Their function is to pass on the lineage, and the lineage is the ancestor of Guangzong Yaoyao. As soon as they passed sixteen or seven, they began to prepare them to marry their daughters-in-law, and they also began to anger. Marry a daughter-in-law and have a baby, preferably a boy. One-child boys and two-child boys have more proud capital in the family. There was a second uncle who served as the governor of the city and had five clothes. He gave birth to a daughter and a son. His son grew up and burned his brain because of a high fever, and became a fool. Later, he fired fire for the tomb, and abruptly grabbed an after-born from some place (after-born, noun, name for the boy, dialect) and came back to be a son. Married, so gave away.
I like to stand on the ridge of Wang Jiacheng to listen to the wind, to hear the distant pig calls and chickens. We do n’t call it “Chiming” and say that it is roaring for “Ying Ying’er”. The Wang Jiayan people called the child Hei’er, which is very strange. The wind is in the treetops, and I seem to be a child. After taking a nap, Yang Po has already fallen down the mountain. I am thinking about looking for a watermelon in the grain room beside the stove. Summer is long in the afternoon, and the happiest thing is to eat watermelon, which is grown by your own family, how much you want to eat. I still have this habit until now, and one person can eat half a watermelon weighing four to five pounds at a time. After eating the watermelon, the day of happiness begins. I do n’t know if this philosophy of watermelon life can be explained by Lacan psychoanalysis. Anyway, I ’m not tired of it. It ’s one of the few joys left in my childhood, and I can enjoy it again and again.
When I was 18 years old, I had the opportunity to travel abroad. In fact, I completely said goodbye to Wang Jiajie, but in my heart, there was nostalgia for my grandmother’s last umbilical cord. For many years after that, I kept saying goodbye to those who had fallen in love with me, or weeping or waving, and in the middle of the night I felt distressed, and I felt that I could no longer bear it, but I actually knew that it would pass. The death of my grandmother made me unbearable. It took years of hard work. Later, I thought that people would return to all things. I can see her in every flower, every grass, every tree, and I can hear her in every wind. Sigh, no longer addicted to tears and memories. This is only true for the loved ones. Later, a man whom I had been in contact with for more than two years died of illness and was buried in spring. I cried for a few days, and then I thought the same way, feeling that there was another person I love in the lower realm. When he was alive, I never felt that I had loved him. The world is too cold for me, and the emotions are extravagant. Now, I fall in love with someone, in the name of love, like the first time, the first love, the cloud of the past, I have no choice but to deeply understand that the world can’t help people, so I don’t feel how sad.
Fives
When I was a kid, Wang Jiajie, when my grandfather was alive, the grain was full, almost every family. There is also a slope sheep in our family. Grandpa put it, there are big, stupid dogs in the countryside, there are several chickens, and they lie there in the woodpile every night. They are pheasants. My family has never raised broiler chickens. There are many broiler chickens. They wore blood-colored clothes in the same color. They walked and walked slowly. They were very slow. , Is a kind of chicken with strong slave color. I don’t like this kind of chicken. Pheasants are different. They are light-weight, and the eggs they lay are silver-white, big and small; pheasants come in a variety of colors, such as reeds, snow, white, yellow, etc. A lot of colors, delicious insects, not interested in feed, It belongs to the self-reliant household that seeks food, and it also flies higher than broilers. The broiler likes to live in the nest, and the weasel comes to eat. Pheasants, on the other hand, will yell and fly away. But they are all afraid of eagles. My grandmother once rescued a pheasant. The eagle had flown into the air in her mouth. She grabbed it and dropped a feather at the door. That pheasant is really lucky.
When my grandpa was alive, his family was still very honest, but my memory was very few. Apart from hating the second mother coming to the upper court to scold my grandmother, everything else was still beautiful. Good things are always sparse, and when I recall a kind of empty feeling, it seems to be another life.
In spring, corn, sunflower, and yam seeds are eaten, and wild vegetables are fed to pigs or eaten by themselves. Watch and eat watermelon in summer. My favorite thing in autumn is to listen to all kinds of people playing in the field. They are holding the cows, especially on the night when the moon is there, playing the mountain song of the distant era while playing, raising the whip. The song has been ringing in my life. I have traveled all over the world for many years. As long as I remember those songs, I feel that I am not alone. I like the sound of a wanderer, like crying, like coming from a place far away. I fell asleep on the Kang, and heard that Grandpa finished playing and carried the grain into the grain room. I felt like I had walked a long way before I came back from another world.
In summer and autumn, the red ribbon is often eaten. The red ribbon is string beans, green and green strips, but I don’t know why it is called red ribbon in dialect. In its impression, the flower is also a small floral with pink and pink, which has nothing to do with red. Eating beans means that summer has begun. Before this, the Dragon Boat Festival apricot is what the children most hope for. The limited families in the village have the Dragon Boat Festival apricot, but almost every family can eat it.
Some time after the Dragon Boat Festival, the apricots of the San Niangniang’s house diagonally across from my house were also ripe. The San Niangniang looks under the tree every day, but she is not stingy, we can always eat some. She lost her mother when she was a child. She was beaten by her stepmother at the age of 13 or 14. She ran away from home and came to our Liu family as a child-law. Her father later developed very well, and became an official, provincial level, in Inner Mongolia, but soon retired, and did not benefit her. It was her sister who was adopted by her stepmother. Visited her. One year after her grandmother passed away, she also left my small village. I miss her quite sometimes. The bitter vegetables she made are particularly good. The pickled bitter vegetables are fragrant. I go out to study, even if I go back in winter, she will bring me half a bowl. Bitter vegetable is a kind of wild vegetable that she dug in the summer to pickle. She lost her mother since childhood, and I lost my father. She looked at us pitifully. Someone outside bullied us. She always said that it was not easy for orphans and widows to live. She knew the difficulty. My grandmother always talked about her, saying that she was so rich, and she was also greedy and cheap. In the years after they both died, I thought my grandmother might be jealous of her. They were jealous of each other and comforted each other for many years. They are all buried now, the graves are covered with green grass, and the flowers on the tomb are blooming. You see, life and death never stop.
The winter is too cold and the wind is constant. At that time, it often snows in winter, and people seem to be frozen. But I woke up in the morning and dared not step on a footprint in the snow when I pushed the door. The most feared thing is that it snows on school days. I started running school in sixth grade and walked more than ten miles back and forth every day. Once it snowed, it was difficult to walk back into the room under the deep snow. I only felt that my ears were frozen and roasted by the stove, and almost half of my ears were lost. It was only after that that I gained experience, knowing that it is cold on a snowy day and I cannot go to a warm place immediately. It doesn’t snow and the snow is cold. Children in the north know that if they step on wet mud that has melted through the snow, they go to school more than half an hour more than usual. But it’s better to snow, if winter is not starving, I like winter. Various smells spread in summer. I hate the deep mixed smell in the forest between men and women, so I do n’t like summer. I like frozen winter.
I stood in the small village where I grew up and realized that life was so savage. I was always a child. After my relegation, Wang Jiajie was so leafy, and mine is so poor now. But I do n’t miss Wang Jiacheng, who is far away. I ’m not writing about these nostalgic homesickness. I just do n’t understand, is it a kind of death or a kind of rebirth that people wander from one life to another? Just like the people in the grave started to grow into grass, and later into crops, they carried not only seeds of sperm and eggs, but also more.
I always thought that Wangjiajie was a painful village, people were not happy, but when I wrote these, I heard the windmill roaring in time and space, a cheerful voice, but my tears and despair and impatientness in life But it also started from Wang Jiakai. It can be said that for more than thirty years, love and friendship have hardly given me any feelings, and no one has particularly hurt me or betrayed me. Those men or women, we are intimate, and then alienated, I am grateful for their departure, because the road down is always a glorious year, but often more exciting, I like different life and faces, I can not be in a face I like to distinguish between fresh and sunny, wrinkles and aging. Therefore, the lack of closed villages has caused the double-mindedness and watery poplar in my character. I always think that the latter is a good word. I am deeply trapped in the field set by it. I ca n’t extricate myself until I fall in love with someone in my opinion, and I am still free. The previous part was naive, so it is inevitable that we are going to part ways, and thank him for making my love so beautiful and gorgeous, making me feel that I have encountered real love. The swamp period of youth is very long, there are entanglements and confrontations, but I think Wang Jiacheng prematurely eroded my enthusiasm for the world, so I need to use constant surprises and excitement to arouse my already numb nerve.
Now, I often dream that I am in Wangjiajie, in the Wangjiajie with only one road, that is, the abandoned Wangjiajie, some people who still leave the old village and move to the new village and return to the old village are walking on the road. Those we have experienced will continue to experience, those we have despaired will have been desperate. Even if I wake up, I will pretend to fall asleep again and lie down for a while. I think that I am like a ghost at this time, and then I, the dream I, are real.
On the map of township administration, in the country’s administrative booklet, Wang Jiajie has become Wang Jiayan, but my Wang Jiajie is still a land-filled Wang Jiayan, which makes me miss and makes me lonely. Every night, I go back to the village alone, feed my flocks, my pigs, visit my villagers, I shout their names again and again, just as they shouted me, we confirm each other ’s voice, and then sleep .