Mother’s hunch is always amazing. Just like those dreams that did n’t prepare at all, they invaded your pillow
She picks up lights in the room to fight at night, reads, writes, memorizes, and takes classes in online schools. I tossed and turned in the next room. Her lights were on until two o’clock in the morning, and my eyes and heart were awake until then. Sometimes, I was really sleepy, my eyelids were fighting, I closed involuntarily, and I immediately went to another situation that made me so tired that I couldn’t hold myself.
I have dreamed many times, and none of them is easy.
Once, I dreamed that my family was traveling by car and came to a high mountain. The scenery was beautiful. In the distance, there were snowy mountains and the sea at the foot of the blue sky. The road under the wheel was so dangerous that it was desperate. There is no road at all, it is a block of rock standing in the sky like a sword. However, we have to drive a four-wheeled car to run in such mountains. On such a road, no matter how good your car is, how wonderful your driving skills are, you can’t climb forward. We can only rely on our thoughts to imagine the car as light and magical. Teng Yun drives us to see the scenery.
Later, I was so tired and terrified that I forced myself to wake up. Looking at the table below, it was 2:13 in the morning. I got out of bed and walked quietly outside the door of her room, and the light was still on in her room.
That light, my tears fell quietly at that two in the morning.
Privately, I haven’t been nagging with her dad. Some blame her and we blamed us. I didn’t insist on my opinion and helped her choose a relatively easy way. After graduating from Beijing Forestry University, according to her conditions, she could go straight to graduate students. But she was not partial. She thought of the outside world to go, she chose another city, another school she liked.
She studied early and graduated from college before she was twenty. I think this is her biggest advantage. I did not expect that this road would be so difficult. The college she chose was only second to Tsinghua University and Peking University. For most of the past six months, she almost stayed at home and put her heart on studying and reviewing. She walked into the examination room with confidence. After the first two examinations, she still smiled happily. However, after the third math test, her face became somber.
”Mom, I may not be able to pass it, and the math test is completely unfeeling.” She told me that when I was in a restaurant not far from the test room, I had ordered her favorite meals. “It’s okay, it’s hard to do anything, let’s eat before talking.” I pretended to have nothing to do and placed her tableware and dishes. She picked up the chopsticks and barely ate a bite. She couldn’t eat any more and got up and left. I couldn’t eat any more, got up and followed.
There was cold winter rain outside the door. They were like a cold arrow, pierced through the thick clouds of the sky, and flew straight into my heart. I tried to catch up with a smile, trying to hold her hand, but she was quickly thrown away.
At noon, in the hotel room, she forced herself to calm down, holding the review materials for the exam in the afternoon. I lay on the bed with my eyes closed, my head like a high-speed rotating fan, “huh” kept turning. That was her second time to take the postgraduate entrance exam. If she loses again, I do n’t know how she will face, and how I will face it.
I always like to take precautions when doing things, and this time I face her fierce exams too. I want to find a way out for her in advance. I designed several paths for her, and each of them looked very good: I went back to my hometown to find a comfortable unit to go to work, and then read and study while I was working; or learn writing with me, and her writing skills are already good. There are already works published, but then I was busy with my studies and let go …
In short, in order to give her a good home, I was dizzy and dizzy with tears and smiles in the morning after I returned home after the exam. Unexpectedly, this triggered the most intense quarrel in our mother and daughter’s life. When she listened to me whispering all the ideas, she smiled recklessly. I persuaded again and again to persuade her not to take this defeat too important. “Did I look too hard, or do you think too much? How do you know that I won’t take the test this year, and I can’t come back next year? I failed in mathematics this year, and if I try another year, I can’t believe it … “She finally broke out, she was in a bad mood, plus I was chattering on the side, her tears fell down, and I bumped into me for the first time,” You always think of yourself, arrange everything for me, not yet Allow me to refute, I’ve had enough … ”
I was refuted by her speechless, not speechless, heartbroken enough to open my mouth. I have always been strong and clever at home, and I can only watch her thunder and watch her tears roll down.
She made sense, from small to large, I made up my own mind to arrange too much for her. Interest classes in elementary school, study plans and summaries to be handed in every week in middle school, and fitness programs in college are the time for postgraduate review. I also pay attention to her diet daily. She stayed up late, did not want to get up early in the morning, liked to drink carbonated drinks, like spicy food, and was unwilling to exercise on the grounds of being busy, which became the reason for me to nag her.
This is how I love you. This is my most powerful weapon, and I used this sentence to block all her resistance. She generally won’t be entangled with me again, but the seed of dissatisfaction is still buried in her heart.
”Mom, do you know that I don’t want you to live so tired. I have my own life and my own way. I hope you don’t worry too much about me in the future, let me come by myself, okay? I work hard , I wrestle, it ’s all from me, do n’t you come along this way … Do n’t be angry, go to dinner … “She wiped away her tears and turned to the kitchen to serve me dinner-it was her meticulous care for me The cooked food is still steaming in the pan.
Your children are not your children. They are children born of life’s longing for themselves.
They come to this world through you, but not because of you. They are beside you, but they do not belong to you.
What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts.
What you can shelter is their bodies, but not their souls, because their souls belong to tomorrow, and they belong to tomorrow that you can’t even dream of.
…………
This is “Your child is not your child” written by Gibran. I read it many years ago, but in the afternoon many years later, I really understood its connotation. Gibran also said that parents are affectionate bows, and children are arrows that parents shoot hard. How well said. Parents tried to use all their strength to shoot the arrow higher and farther, but never realized that the moment the arrow left the bow chord, they no longer belonged to themselves. On the way she (he) traveled, whether it was wind, rain, thunder and lightning, or wind and sun, could only be faced by the arrow itself.
Bows can only be sent affectionately.