In the era of independence, why do we need marriage

As a mother and a wife, at night, after working and coaxing the housework every night, I always get out of my phone in a very heartbroken way, and draw my fingers freely across the sea of ​​information on WeChat and Weibo. But this wonderful time is always disturbed by some uneasy news:

“×× suspected to be derailed, his wife quickly stepped into the hotel and did not respond” “×× couple divorced, plucked the wedding ring” “×× first show after divorce: skinny and eyesless”… I lay quietly in bed and looked back The husband who sleeps happily, meditates in his heart: “The chaos in the entertainment circle, rain I have no melon, I only want the marriage of mortals.” Is marriage still a must for us?

At the moment, divorce should not be used as a criterion for a person’s failure or not, but they must also have a basic awe of marriage. Being in a marriage, they must also have a clear understanding of the nature of marriage.

Marriage should not be too fragile to endure a step or two

Last week, my cousin was about to divorce his cousin, who had been married for many years, and several of our sisters were very surprised and asked about it one after another. My cousin gave me one of the most divorce reasons I heard in the past two years. It was called “unsynchronized growth” and made my 10-year-old housewife laugh completely and firmly: “Huh? Synchronization? Isn’t marriage to make up for each other’s weaknesses? Why should we keep in sync at all times?

Remember the “some big V divorce incident” that set off a turbulent wave on the Internet from the media circle last year? The reason for the divorce of this big V and Luo Luo’s classmate is “unsynchronized growth”. Shortly after the incident, she published her exclusive interview “Divorce” through a certain media. After reading the entire article, she scolded “Ghost Trick” with resentment, but at the same time, she was envious of her husband. The man who bought her peach juice in the middle of the night with a knee-high snowstorm.

The big V said that she is a person who believes in pure love, love is gone, so she wants to divorce. She said that she had wanted to share some troubles with her husband, but slowly she didn’t want to talk anymore. It was too tiring and didn’t resonate…the wife’s net worth was over 100 million, and the husband’s full-time fatherhood, their growth is indeed not enough. “In the eyes of many people, this is the biggest Kaner in marriage. However, I still think this is a fool.

The word “unsynchronized growth”, I first heard that in Qiong Yao’s TV series, the plot is that the wife accompanies her husband to start a business together. In addition to taking care of the husband’s daily life, he also has to work hard to educate and grow his children, busy day and night. After the husband’s fame and fortune met the young and beautiful girl, he felt that there was no common topic with his wife, so he wanted to be separated from his wife. Therefore, he moved out the reason of “unsynchronized growth”, afraid that his wife would not understand, and “intimately” compared the couple to two people who climbed the mountain together:

“Several decades have passed, I am the one who stands on the top of the mountain and sees the magnificent scenery, and you are the one who always stops at the foot of the mountain. The two of us have different knowledge and different growth rates, so we use marriage to A person who doesn’t have a common language is bound to hurt each other!” The husband used such a set of words to hurt his wife’s heart, gave her daughter a “marriage science class”, and also got a daughter for her affair. Understanding. At that time I was young and ignorant, and I was persuaded by such a clear brain circuit.

But when I got married, I was mature, and now I look back and think, hey! You are an adulterer! If your wife doesn’t do the logistic support work at the foot of the mountain, can you still go to the summit lightly? Where can you fly? In the same way, the self-media V complained that his daily pressure was so great that he would collapse, but her husband was very “Buddha” and did not mind being a “waste”. But has she ever thought about it, if it was not for this man to unconditionally support her entrepreneurship, accompany her to overcome the previous pain, heal the inner scars, follow her from Shenzhen all the way to Beijing, and resign to take the children at home, where can she have the ability and opportunity To earn all this?

In marriage, “synchronization of growth” is a pseudo-concept, because marriage itself is to connect two people with different backgrounds and different experiences together with a paper contract. The three views, habits, cognition, growth environment, and job opportunities of the two people are not the same. Of course, the growth rate in marriage will also be different. The reason why they will become similar later on must be that one or both parties made concessions and reached a balance point. But those who easily abandon their marriage because of their different growth rates have no other words than selfishness to describe.

Sacrifice and dedication are required questions in marriage

In 2004, Li Na came back to play tennis, but she was so used to it that she could no longer adapt to the training of the national team. At this time, her lover Jiang Shan was willing to sacrifice her career to be her coach and accompany her in the battle.

Li Na is an emotional player. Jiang Shan racked her brains to make her find fun in training. When training to serve, he put the logo tube on the bottom line, as long as Li Na can hit, he will be awarded a small gift. Whenever Li Na wins the game, Jiang Shan will buy her gifts, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, rings, Jiang Shan’s blood. Looking at the gift carefully prepared by her lover, Li Na was certainly very moved, her mood was stable and her mentality was also very good. Because of her companionship, Li Na broke into the top ten in the world after marriage.

Entering international competitions, Jiang Shan knew that if Li Na wanted to continue to improve, she needed better coaches. So he automatically gave way to a senior foreign teacher to concentrate on his wife’s sparring and assistant. In life, Jiang Shan worked as a sparring and nanny. During a match, Li Na was furious at Jiang Shan in front of hundreds of millions of live broadcasters worldwide and drove him out of the game. Few men can bear this kind of grievances, but Jiang Shan, who knows Li Na, said lightly: “She is a world-class player. The pressure is too great, but she needs a channel to vent.”

Now that the pair of “Avalokitesvara” have become ordinary couples, Jiang Shan’s decades of devotion and sacrifice to Li Na have made each other’s feelings stronger and stronger. Li Na wrote affectionately in her autobiography “Going Alone” Tao: “As long as Jiang Shan is around, I feel like I haven’t fallen to the bottom of the valley and I will always have the opportunity to turn over.”

The poison articles on the Internet all advocate that the divorce of rich and beautiful girls is not called divorce, but should be called “recovery of singleness”. The implication is that as long as you have the money and have the money and leave this man, women will have more and better opportunities in the future. Marriage is nothing more than gloomy.

First of all, regardless of a person’s limited time and energy, the effort spent on a marriage is an incalculable cost. Although women are independent and self-improving in this era, “marriage uselessness” is definitely not a point worth advocating. Because marriage is the strongest net in your life. No one can guarantee that his life will be smooth forever. One of the great benefits of marriage is that if your trough meets his peak, then the other party can pull you; if both are in the bottleneck period, then the most At least someone can cry with you and be mourned together. You help me, I help you, I can’t take it anymore, you take over again, this is the most common, true, and essential appearance of marriage.

Marriage is your shell

Mr. Wang of my family has a famous saying: Good husband, even after a quarrel, he will take the garbage downstairs. Every time he said this, the anger that I had accumulated for a few days would be like a deflated ball and flew away. Because he said it so beautifully that I couldn’t break it. In my house, not just the garbage that I don’t want to throw, the phone I don’t want to pick up, the food I don’t want to eat, the clothes I don’t want to wash, the place I don’t want to drag, and the baby I don’t want to bring (occasionally I don’t want to bring)…all can be thrown to him. , Because I know very surely that when I am troubled by trivial matters, there is always such a person around me who can take me for me.

The poet Li Xian said these words in an interview, which made me nod in agreement. He said that marriage is a shell, not that we protect the marriage, but that the marriage is to protect us. The two adults must say all the worst things well and make the marriage shell strong enough.

As for ourselves, although we live in this age of shouting “don’t believe in love and marriage”, there are times when you need someone to release your fragile side and someone who can support you when you are in trouble. Although love will fade, but marriage will not, it is your warmest shell.